Adventures!

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Mechanic phone call to Christa, 5:50 pm: Christina Oakes? We want to run more tests so we are going to hang on to your car until tomorrow. Thanks, good night.
Christa phone call to Mechanic, 5:53 pm: Endless Ringing, no answer.

6:00 Rental Car Shops Close

6:05 Christa, stranded in Denver

6:08 Boss says 'I told you so' with a knowing look

6:10 Christa begs ride home from awesome co-worker

6:11 When will this day end?

My heart hums in my chest, butterflies flutter, and I can hardly contain my excitement. Flustered, I try to continue my tasks, but my mind is fixed, with the thrill of anticipation, on this one event. My library books are in! My Thursday ritual will be exceptionally satisfying today as “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” has finally arrived, after months of waiting! Oh, what joy! Oh, what rejoicing! It is providential as I have just finished my last novel and had to read a Chinese medicine manual last night to lull myself to sleep.

At work I have a new hiding place where I go to eat lunch. It sounds incredibly sketchy because it is actually located behind the dumpsters, but it is this fantastic concrete paradise that gets lovely sun at 1 pm when I eat lunch. I take my stool, my book, my bowl of food and bask in the warmth until I have to go back to work. lovely.

So my work day is done and now I can blog guilt free. Though really all I am thinking about is how I want to get home asap...but first I will blog.

Items of Interest:

1. Nubbin' Plants: I have successfully kept alive five potted plants. Because of the delightful rain we have been experiencing lately I let the plants lounge on the deck a couple days ago only to return from work to find that they had been reduced to stubbly nothingness! Some nefarious rabbit or Bambi-wannabe decided they could snack on my lovely flowers and now nothing is left! My only survivor was my Basil, thank goodness.
2.Savy sewin': I have completed a dress and it is one of the best dresses I have ever made. Like, I could wear it in public and get compliments on it. (Sara, my co-worker, is just now pointing out that I ran up to her as soon as she arrived at work, grin plastered on my face, begging to know what she thought of my dress. Okay, I fished for a few of my compliments. But I did get one legitimate compliment from a boy. Okay, he was a old man, but he did say he liked it with no prompting from me what-so-ever).
3. Movie Mania: I have borrowed some pirated DVD's from Laura that she bought in the Philippians. Each disc has over a dozen movies and sports some fabulous Chinglish. I watched "Buck to the Future 1-3" on the "The Calming City" DVD mix (Which also includes Chicago, Freaky Friday, and American Dreamz- what does this have to do with cities and why does this DVD have a picture of a cow on the front?) and have been obsessively watching "Pirats of the Carribean 1-2" (These are not some bad porno versions or anything, just someone got the titles wrong and it makes me laugh).
4. Blog Buddies: So I read Abby's
blog and learned, though I had never met her in person, that she was coming to Denver for the summer. So I stalked her a bit and we went on a lovely hike last Friday only to discover the following:
- We have dozens of mutual friends.
- Abby has excellent taste in archaic literature and period movies.
- It was confirmed yet again I fit astonishlingly well into the Homeschool clique even though I was a public school attendee.
- Abby was meant to read Lamb this summer (Have you started it yet Abby? I will hunt you down a copy).
- Abby is extraordinarily cool.
- Colorado mountains can be hard to climb.
5. Notes from the Universe: A friend introduced me to this and I am somewhat obsessed. Not only does it make me more excited about checking my inbox, it increases my generally happiness because these inspiring mantras includes words like Jolly Good and Hi Ho Silver.
6. Calvin Ball: I am on a crusade to organize an incredible game of Calvin Ball when I return to Chapel Hill in September- Just imagine it, a cool September night, hoards of hopped up youths in masks terroizing the quad with croquet mallets and other inventive Calvin Ball arsenal. Are you in? I will keep you posted as details unravel. Let the Games begin!
7. Christina! My beloved Christina arrives tomorrow and I am brimming over with excitement!
8. I really like things that make me laugh out loud. Lately that has been myself, McSweeny's, Lisa Brown's Children's Books: Baby fix my Drink, Baby do my Banking, and Baby fix my car, planning a work croquet tournament in which the losers get hit in the face with pies (organic and sugar free, of course). In a duel with water balloons and creme pies, who would win?



My message from the Universe:

And they shall say, there once lived someone, who had little idea of how they changed everything.

They will, Christa.

And, you have.
Tallyho,
The Universe

Sorry I keep changing my blog layout. I refuse to be satisfied with something ordinary yet after a few weeks the pink and frilly layouts make me want to vomit.
Gross. We will see how long this one lasts. I am just trying to keep you on your toes.

I don't have internet right now which is great and impossible. My enjoyment at work, however, has increased and my stress decreased as I try to squeeze in email, blogging, and other net surfing between my normal tasks. Nothing like a little bit of slacking off to put one in a jovial mood.

um, I have lots of things on my list of things to share but I cannot think of any of them and the pressure of having to write quickly while ilegally using the computer for personal use is becoming to much. Ack! I was never meant for a life of crime!

I made up chinese medicine jokes this week at work. They got big laughs in the clinic but limited response outside of the clinic. Ahem.

Your Qi is so whack, that when you meditate your Qi thinks it's nap time.
Your Qi is so whack, it's more stuck than molasses in winter.
Your Qi is so whack, Fire gets confused and becomes the mother of wood.
Your Qi is so whack, it thinks meridians are longitudinal lines on a globe.
Your Qi is so whack, it thinks wind-cold is a descripton of the weather.

Haha!

I am in charge of the clinic music at work, which means that someone else loaded over a thousand songs and I recieve the complaints. Practitioners leave me little sticky notes expressing their opinions and I delete the songs. My sticky notes this week:

"#503- Am I at a Pink Floyd laser show?"
"Please remove songs 24-35 = ice pick in forehead"
"Music! 6:17 pm 6/26* Horribly depressing violin"

(*This practitioner never seems to get it that leaving me the time and date the song is played does not help me locate the song. I have no way at all of knowing what she is referrign to. However, in this case I think she may be talking about the Schindler's list theme, but I refuse to remove it, cause its my favorite.)

Newest addition to the Top Five Nicest Things People Have Said About Me:

"Trust me, you are the type of girl that knows instinctively how to hock a loogie."

Awww, thanks!


It is windy and cloudy after the blazing 80 degree day yesterday. But I am enjoying it so far, most of my annoying tasks are done and I can soon go home to sit and sew, which is the best things to do on cloudy days.

Quote that has been sitting in my mind:

"You must give up willingly you old pattern of living and live empty, for a while, until illumiation arrives."

you've wondered too far from the person you are, let go, brother, let go.

My time in the garden today has left me with two wicked blisters and an awful sunburn. Week three of summer and my sun awareness skills go out the window. At least I was wearing a hat.

Driving home today was like magic. Twilight and the air was full of fluffy white floating things. I would be in the shade and not be able to see a thing but then turn the corner, sun in your eyes, and it was magic. So pretty.

I am looking for life path, if anyone has seen a sign post or a map that says "Christa should go that way!" Please let me know. Thanks.

Today is my half birthday- 25.5 years. But if people ask I say 25. A little white lie but as you get older, women make these subtle vain lies. I don't think anyone can tell, I don't look 25.5, do I?

For my real birthday I am planning an imaginary trip to Brazil. You are all invited. I thought a destination birthday could be very, very nice and I want to go somewhere warm in December. Australia is too far so Brazil it is. Hooray! Let me know if you are coming. (Translation: In December I will be snowed in and glueing my face to a picture of the Brazilian Coast.)

I am exhausted beyond words. Why is my week lasting so long? I just want to curl up in bed with my book indefinitely. Alas, I must keep it short, for my work day beckons and there is much to be done. What does it say about your job when it would be a relief to be fired? How do I keep attracting positions like this. Oh, yeah, I don't say No, ever. Okay, I am going to take my imaginary nap and then back to work!

Dangling Conversations

Day = Awesome

Today Amy and I went on a lovely mountain hike (is it over yet? What we thought was five miles was seven. Good Heavens!) and then swooped into town where I worked in the community garden with the kids and Amy pretended to be a socialite in the Weston. Working in the garden is so satisfying. Every time I go I can't help but feel content and happy. I love the smell of wet dirt and I like being a part of this garden that has sprung up in the concrete jungle almost overnight. People gaze through the rod iron gate, wondering and watching. They smile as we say hello and invite them into the green haven that holds such a sweet promise of abundance. We saw one sprout from the melons we planted last week and the happy yellow marigold heads bobbed in the cool breeze. No sign of carrots but the tomatoes and cauliflower are happy as can be. Kids (they are young adults really, 17-19 year olds from a homeless youth/ transitional housing program) come and go, are often late and, at first, indifferent. But soon they are covered in dirt, planting, watering, and asking when they can come back again. I love garden converts. For this brief time, a parking lot has become Eden.

After gardening time was over, Amy and I scuttled to a Starbucks where I changed out of my messy clothes and we schemed on how to spend the next few hours until we were meeting Rachel and Annie for 'Away we Go.' We had dinner, we walked, we dodged raindrops (Me as we were leaving the house: You won't need an umbrella, it never rains here. Wrong.), we went to the Fancy Tiger-a fabulous fabric store, and had ice cream at Sweet Action. I had vegan peanut butter cookie, my new favorite. Then we saw 'Away we Go' which was lovely and endearing.

Other moments from the evening: a panhandler attacked a man on a bicycle right in front of us, punching him in the head - bizarre and kind of scary. Another, different bicyclist whistled as us as we stood in front of the movie theater. In the middle of the movie, someone dropped their beer bottle and it shattered. Ten minutes later the same thing happened again. Clumsy much?

Tomorrow: Boulder, Sunday: Road trip to Breckenridge with wineries, mountain towns, and breweries on the way.

Last night Amy and I made delicious samosas that would a real Indian cook would refuse to eat. Problem 1. Whole Wheat crust. Problem 2. Baked not Fried. Problem 3. Lots of Vegetables and not as many Potatoes. But so so yummy. mmmmm. I ate too many and now my stomach is crazy upset.

I believe in bug Karma. Every bug you flush down the toilet I believe will at one time re-emerge and get you. Eek! Beware when you are your most vulnerable!

I was at work the other day and started contemplating if we had office Olympics what the events would be. Speed Filing. Speed Needle Removal. TDP Lamb relay. Vault Jumping Over the front desk. Needle Javelin throwing. Shelf Stocking Race. I would win that one. We have every space of our back office utilized and all day I am climbing on stools and using THE CLAW to grab things. I have become quite dexterous and light on my feet.

Speaking of light on our feet, Amy decided we should do some off trail rock scrambling on our hike yesterday. And we successfully navigated some treacherous looking rocks and felt satisfyingly hard core.

We saw a BEAR! In our driveway. It was small and a little anticlimactic. But YAY!.

Dear deer

yeah, this is really funny too.

I felt incredibly amusing today, which was a nice change. Good to know my funny bone is still intact. Of course, my perception of my own humor is incredibly biased. I believe my cheerful mood is entirely due to Amy's presence.

Happenings:

1. Someone deposited a 1980s old-school treadmill in the parking lot behind our building. Right in the middle of the road, so you have to skirt around it to get anywhere. I like to think it was deposited there by aliens in the dead of night.

2. Speaking of aliens, in my work place, when discussing the recent disappearance of the French airplane over the Atlantic, aliens were legitimately brought up in the conversation as an entirely plausible explanation.

3. I was recently recommended a herb to take because my practitioner had a dream that it was what I needed. I, of course, am faithfully following her prescription.

4.Amy and are watching Oklahoma, my favorite musical. I am anxiously waiting for my netflix's to deliver a newer version of Oklahoma starring Hugh Jackman. Stop my beating heart.

5. Hypochondriac Alert

Symptom: Chronically Chapped Lips
Might be:Exfoliative inflammation of the lips
Which is: an incurable condition of unknown cause
Or could also be: Cancer of the Lips
Things to obsess over: What your face would look like after lip removal surgery
Most likely its just: Being allergic to the world and a refusal to stop eating chocolate

Ha! My new favorite recipe.

I find the library immensely satisfying. My latest find, Rufus Wainwright singing Judy Garland at Carnegie hall. Amazing.

Amy is coming and I am incredibly excited!

I do funny things. Sometimes I step back from the situations I get myself into and think, wow, this is truly odd.

Example, my boss asked me last week if I wanted to stay in his house while he is in Mexico.
Christa:Sure, no problem.
Boss: Oh, and Christa, Sue (his cook/friend/lady that lives with him and his wife) may or may not be there. Oh, and Christa, you made her mad last time. Hmmm, what was it that you did to make her mad, don't do it again.
Christa:Urp, um, okay. What! (cue insecurity and automatic self-doubt) I made her mad? What did I do? Oh no! (analyze every word and action displayed while with Sue for the four days before I go to stay at house)

Last night after work:

I spent a lot of time stalling before I head to Boss' house. I think Sue will be there and I don't want to 1. upset her 2. scare her 3. become even more uncomfortable than I am now. (I must say here that Sue is a marvelous, wonderful person who I like a lot but don't understand- major cultural differences and language create barriers for me to hide behind) Marcy and Andrea offer up pointers, such as ring the doorbell, so you don't scare her and hypothesize various awkward situations (last time Marcy was alone with Sue, Sue sat and rubbed her feet for an hour. Nice, but also kind of strange). Marcy also points out the irony that Boss meant to ask me to his house to help me be less stressed but in the end is creating more stress and I am now doing yet another thing for the sake of other people that I don't really want to do. Awesome.

So I arrive at Boss House and, in the pouring rain, go to the front door with my bag and ring the doorbell. Twice. No answer and the house is dark. Options: Sue is already in bed at 8:30 pm (not unlikely), Sue did end up leaving town, or Sue is trying to tell me to get lost. I take a phone poll and the unanimous decision is for me to let myself in through the garage door. (I could have let myself in all along but didn't want to presume or scare Sue). Once inside, I hear the TV on, the dishwasher and washing machine running yet no sign of Sue. There is a bucket of water by the couch, presumably for soaking feet while watching trash TV, but no Sue. I call out and do a quick sweep of the house, but no Sue. I am now convinced (cue thunder and lightning- I am suddenly in some sort of Ms. Marple Mystery) Sue is going to pop out at me any minute. I give up my search and tiptoe upstairs to get ready for bed. At every noise I jump, sure that Sue is going to appear and yell at me for my unknown crimes.

The story resolves itself very anticlimactically- Sue was out to dinner with friends and returned at 10 or so, after I was already in bed. I suspect a repeat of these events this evening.

The house is quiet and there is a thunderstorm outside and it is lovely. Another day not as productive as it should of been....meaning I worked on my own projects instead of the ones I should have been committing time too- I sanded down my new table (its beautiful), cleaned my room, the kitchen, sat on the porch reading until the clouds rolled in and now it is grey and green outside. Its a deluge, it never rains this hard.

I am watching a film in spanish and it makes me really want to learn.

"How we spend our days is how we spend our lives." - Annie Dillard

"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather my sparks should burn out in a blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnifivent glow, than asleep and permanent as a planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." - Jack London.

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd try to make more mistakes next time. I would relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I know of very few things I would take seriously. I would be crazier. I would be less hygenic. I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more sunsets. I would burn more gasoline. I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans. I would have more actual problems and fewer imaginary ones." - Nadine Stair

There is a fox on our porch. He has been hanging out there for a while and just now he was checking out the bird feeder. I am slightly concerned about his boldness but mostly just enjoy seeing him trot about.

I am spending the day doing nothing, I just slept about 4 hours and am now just sitting. I have a lot of things to do, but for now I am going to plead ignorance and live in denial. I love denial.

I have some exciting up events in the frosty Antarctic landscape that is my adult social life:

1. Amy is coming! and will spend the summer in Breckenridge, which is close enough for frequent visits. Sweet!
2. I am dragging Amy along for 14er stewardship training. That's right, we are going to be trained to steward the mountains. Kind of makes me feel like an Ent. And I will get to use my new tent.
3. I am going to start volunteering at a garden with homeless youth once a week. I am really excited since my garden of a week is already 50% dead. At least if I am gardening while encouraging youth, there may a greater likelihood of some positive outcomes outside of my black thumb.
4. I bought a bargain of a table at the thrift store- it can seat up to ten people and is ideal for nertz. I also get to use my new power tool to fix it up- the power sander is a beautiful thing.

I just made myself carrot soup and it was delicious. I make great carrot soup.

I have come to the conclusion that being alone too much can really mess with your perspective/head/view of life and the universe. When the loudest voice you hear is always your own, well, you know, that's not good. At least in my case. I have been thinking a lot about losing yourself to find yourself and what that means. Basically, thinking about myself and what I need and what I think is wrong with me all the time is 1. depressing 2. unproductive 3. annoying. Clearly.

Rocky Mountain National Park

Road Trip Stats:

Elk:37
Moose: 2 and 1 false alarm that brought many feminine screams of delight.
Birds- in flight: 7, roosted: 7
Cloud Formations: 1, blanket
Bikes- Motor: 29, Manual: 139
Storybook Settings: 5
Roadkil: 1
Lowlanders*:4
Snow: Lots
Scary Drivers: 8 (you don't stop in the middle of the one-lane mountain road no matter how beautiful the scenary is)
Scary People: 1
Perky People: 3 (One of these perky peeps overlapped with scary- the cheery starbucks girl who, I swear, had coffee flowing through her veins instead of blood.)

*Lowlanders: individuals inappropriately dressed or displaying inappropriate behavior for high altitudes betraying their sea-level status)

its so hot out my plants are being fried!!! Ack!

wicked forearm burn

I had forgotten the name of all four of the boxcar children until I looked them up... it was Jessie that eluded me, I kept thinking she was Jill or Julie. Benny, Violet, Henry, and Jessie. Remember how they all had favorite colors...Benny always had a red something, Violet a (duh) violet something, Jessie a blue something, and Henry ...shoot, what is Henry's favorite color?

Yesterday I went and worked on the book with Paul and co. It was more fun than I anticipated, probably because I am not as invested as the rest of the crowd, so I can relax a bit.

Here is some more evidence of my Saturday productivity, in random order:
planting plants, a visiting elk (Andrew thought it was our animal because it was in the corral...no silly, they just play there), my re-done $5 dresser

A Biased and Incomplete Dissection of the Personalities of Letters:

A: Generally Honest but known to be a Bit Elitist and Aloof.
C: No-nonsense and Straight To the Point Demeanor that can be mistaken for a Lack of Tact.
D: Not to be taken Too Seriously, Ponderous and Slow to make Decisions.
E: Charming and Lovely in Every Way, especially when followed closely by L (Elves, Elm, Elevator, Elephant etc.)
F: Slow to Trust and too Clever for Her Own Good.
G: Good-Natured, makes Friends Easily, Smiles Often.
H: The Life of the Party but Generally Clueless.
I: Oblivious to the Needs of Others.
J: Likes Privacy and tends to be Elusive.
K: Revengeful and Unforgiving.
L: Shy and Quiet, tends to stay Behind the Scenes but Has the ability to Shine.
M: Nurturing and caring, loves to spend time outside.
O: "Cup- Half-Full" Attitude, always seeing the Silver Lining.
Q: Marches to Own Drummer, Independent.
S: Suspicious and Not to be Trusted, especially when Followed by a C (Scary, Scales, School).
T: Strong, used to Being Right, Strong Moral Compass.
V: Seductive and Flirtatious, Loves to be the Center of Attention.
W: Grounded and Serious, Only Speaks when he has something of Importance to Share.
Y: Energetic and Spontaneous, often avoids Responsibilities.
Z: Enthusiastically pursues one Thing at a Time with Intense Single-mindedness.

another note, I had a dream last night where the bathtub overflowed and I picked up the bathtub and began bailing out the room which was rapidly filling up with water and disintegrating. Water, according to my co-workers, represents fear. What am I afraid of? Everything. I feel slightly paralyzed, standing on the edge of the cliff I am supposed to jump off of, hanging on for dear life.

yes, I am that girl.

I love all things Jane Austen. I confess my unabashed, undying love for all of her works of literature and all the authors who try to copy her and those who re-write and rip off her works from Clueless to that lame Jane Austen Mystery Series (I really don't love all these things, the lame rip-off books are slightly questionable- anyone that takes the characters of Jane Austen and re-writes them into trashy (and I mean TRASHY) romance novels should be severely punished). I feel like at times I deny this love to save face...to deny that I am one of those girls who read Pride and Prejudice over and over again and dispute the accuracy of various film versions of the book. This past year I re-read P&P determined not to like it, but to no avail. I still love it. I will always love it. I am that girl.

This is all leading up to the fact that I have discovered some new Austen-ite things to love: a book call "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." Haven't read it yet but its some sort of amalgam of Austen's text and a new zombie plot line. Incredible. I also recently purchased a British mini series called "Lost in Austen" A basic plot line: Elizabeth Bennett intrudes on Modern-Day British Girl's life (Amanda Price), inadvertently causing Amanda to go back in time and Elizabeth to stay in the present. Amanda, who is obsessed with P&P, is at first delighted and then freaked out as the entire story as we know it disintegrates (Jane marries Mr. Collins!!AHHHHH!) but it all ends well and is highly entertaining. My favorite part is when Darcy confesses his love of Amanda (much to her dismay, she keeps insisting he should love Elizabeth) she asks him to do one thing. Next shot, Darcy emerging from the lake, white shirt clinging to his torso a la Colin Firth's famous swimming scene in the BBC version of P&P. Every girl's Pride and Prejudice Fantasy-love it.

This has been another week where it feels like despite every effort I make, things are just not coming together (for example, I accidentally gave the car repair people my debit card account number rather than my credit card number, thus wiping out the entire contents of my checking account and incurring an overdraft fee. Awesome.) My conclusion- I am not in control. And my little failures (and big ones) in no way effect my overall worth (though Calamity has proved to be an apt nickname of late).

BIG SIGH. I am going to read Pride and Prejudice until I feel better.

If you say forever I will punch you in the face....

Our dish washer is on the fritz, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. More often than not we wash the dishes by hand. And I have found that I am not a very good dish washer. Actually, I think I am a good dish washer, I just get all sorts of freaked out by germs and making sure things are clean (if you didn't know, I have this thing about old food- I rarely eat leftovers, I don't like buffets, food that has been sitting too long has been contaminated. for real. So food remnants must be completely purged from eatery) Ewwwww. All that to say I have been depending on the dish waser to give me that feeling like things are really clean now, even though you have to thoroughly wash anything that goes in there. I still like to know the machine has sprayed everything down with soap and hot water. This story has no point.

So I have been really stressed out this week and I am still amazed at when an acupunturist can look at your tongue and say, wow, you are anxious. shocker. (This can also be kind of patronizing and freakin' annoying) but Paul looked at my tongue Wednesday afternoon and said, are you angry? And then I realized that I was. Which is interesting, because 1. Anger is not a normal emotion for me to dwell in (I don't think) 2. I couldn't figure out what I was angry about. Anger is not a comfortable emotion. And I am still angry.

I took an only typing test and I can type 63 WPM with a 98% accuracy rate. I am brilliant. Whats funny is all my mistakes are typing dyslexia- like, I would type "eht" instead of "the." Funny, huh?

My Acupuncturist gave me a prescription, a task for me to complete to stop "Christa-Freak-Out-Mode" also known as "Christa-is-overwhelmed-with-stress-and-her-brain-can't-stop-thinking-about-everything-she-has-to-do" Well, she asked me what I needed and then she told me to do it. My Rx: Go into the woods and be alone. And that is what I am going to do.

(lately all my blog titles have come from Neko Case's new Album, Middle Cyclone. She is the best)

May the 4th be with you

Yesterday was Star Wars day. I wished I had known that yesterday.

A miracle has happened. Truly. Yesterday I felt the beginning signs of illness, sore throat, cough, no energy. And Marcy told me to take today off!! I am taking a sick day. I have been working at Whole Health a year and this is my first day off in the middle of the week for self-care. So I have slept in, am making myself noursihing foods, and watching Harry Potter. Delightful. Except for the sore throat and cough...thats not fun.

I am making myself Black Rice and Mung Bean porridge. Sounds like witch's brew, doesn't it? I was adding my spices and didn't realize that the curry didn't have one of those sprinkle lids, so I am pretty sure I dumped about 1/4 cup of curry powder into the stew. Oops.

Sunday, while we are talking about food, I made delicious sweet potato and black bean tacos. Sounds weird but was inspired. Yum.

Okay, I am signing off to rejuvenate.

I am at work and have just discovered a gigantic hole in the seat of my pants. GIGANTIC. Please see previous post on inability to circumvent disaster in daily life. I will now remain glued to my seat to prevent any unseemly exposure.

I think this is God telling me not to take myself too seriously. Duly noted.

What a difference a day makes....

I feel like I try way too hard to be "TOGETHER." Bills paid, oil changed, laundry done, clothes clean. Life has a lot of chores. But no matter how hard I try lately, something always seems to go awry. Last week it was the keys gone missing, the week before snow thwarted all productivity, this week my car freaks out again- ol' Maybelle seems to be menopausal and constantly overheating. My obliviousness to her distress led to serious roadside break down. Thankfully a lovely gentleman and his family were right behind me and helped me cool her off. The someone else came by with more water, until suddenly there was a crowd and everyone was talking in rapid spanish that I didn't understand. But she was drivable to my destination, a mere 6 blocks away. In the end she ended up being towed to the car joint. I've gotta say thanks to all the people that helped me- Jessa for picking me up and agreeing to drive me to work, Katie, Haley, and Lindsey, who went searching for coolant and stared helplessly at the engine with me until the arrival of Mustafo and Steve, neighbors of Katie's and Men with Engine Knowledge, who provide much needed advice.

I am more convinced than ever that I just want to sell all my crap and move into the woods. I hate feeling tied down by obligations, money, car payments, etc. How great would it be to just shake it all off and go flying away.

So, my destination post-car breakdown was to Katie's house downtown. Its an intentional living community of about ten folks and a couple of them are moving out, so I was checking it out to see if I wanted to move in. I am undecided. It all has a very college/ community house vibe and I would want to spruce up (aka CLEAN LIKE CRAZY) the old house, but it could be fun (and cheap) to live with a bunch of people again. Another Pro is that the house is minutes from the Capoeira studio, my new obsession. But all the people I hung out with are the ones moving out (I liked them a lot) and I am afraid that if I move in I would be in charge of everything. I am just too tired for that. I feel like I am in survival mode again and am only really have energy or enjoyment of life every now and then. Maybe I just need to lower my expectations of life.

I am going to make Pros/ Cons list.

Pros:
Cheap Rent
Insta-friends/ community
Downtown location
Kayla- the resident Great Dane (sweet giant dog)
Great Patio
Musicians live there
House dinners/ hang out time
Always someone to play a game with
Everyone there is super conscious about community, environment etc.

Cons:
I would the oldest one/ insta-house mom (this is speculation)
People wouldn't follow through, I would clean house for everyone (also speculation)
1/2 hour commute to work (not so bad actually, this is more of a neutral)
sharing a bedroom (also not so bad, as long as whoever cleaned)





hmmmmmmm.....
I didn't know I was such a clean freak but I really do like things to be clean and organized. Its totally a control thing. and a mental health things.

Anyone have opinions or advice?

Wow I am tired. Today would be a good caffeine-free exception day. I could use a big cup of joe to get me through. and I have to be friendly today too, which, no lie, kind of feels like a stretch.

Did someone make a fool of me? I could've shown 'em how its done...

I have found my calling. Friends, I am a natural. Tonight I went to my first Capoeira class (brazilian martila arts/dance) and it was so much fun. I have giant blisters on my feet and may not be able to walk tomorrow but it was great! I loved it and apparently did not make a complete fool of myself. I will go again tomorrow if movement doesn't cause excrutiating pain.

oh, thats the trouble with thoughts...

I felt like I had something great and witty to say and here I am logged on and my brain is empty. ah well, such is life.

I am reading this great book called Aurora Dawn- written in the fifties, its incredibly witty and clever and funny. The best part is it was one of those books that just caught my eye and I randomly pulled off the shelf, a delicious act of fate. Such cursory selections usual end up to be bad historical romances or predictable fantasy (lets me honest, a cover with a dragon has a much better chance ending up on my nightstand than one with say, words). But this, this is fantastic. Well done me!

I went to see Earth today and I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. It was beautiful and really made me want to see the world! It was incredible depressing to leave the theater and see the reality of the strip mall. Booooooo.

Eli can kind of say my name - its more like the inflection of two syllables but I will take what I can get.

its snowing outside.

hmmm, interesting spring weather we have here in Denver.

Today I have done nothing but sleep, nap, watch old movies, sleep more, eat asparagus and brownies. This was much needed day of rest. My acupuncturist says I have no chi. This is not ideal.

Today, recap:
8:00 am Wake Up
8:45 am Begin to leave, discover keys are missing
9:00 am Keys are not in purse, car, or bedroom
9:15 am Find lost debit card, no keys
9:30 am Missed appointment, found lost library book, no keys
9:45 am Scream in rage at the Cosmos
10:00 am Clean out all drawers in bed room and kitchen, no keys
10:15 am Dig through trash twice,no keys
10:30 am Check car, bags, bedroom for tenth time, no keys
10:30-11:30 Repeat the above all while the screaming inside my head gets louder
11:30 call to cancel second appointment since I am apparently not leaving the house today, while on phone find keys hanging on power cord in between table and wall, blocked from sight on one side by Eli's toy car and on the other by a bench. The universe has a vicious sense of humor.

Sometimes, lately, I like to imagine the people I encounter at work in different time periods. For example, Valentina is clearly a brassy, shoot from the hip singer at the town saloon in the wild wild west whose bright clothes are only shadowed by her bright personality. Clearly.

I had my first experience with hypnotherapy yesterday. I won't go into details except to say it was great (like acupuncture in that you get super relaxed in 20 minutes) and my inner essence looks a lot like Harimad-sol. shocker.

This week I have been playing in the pit of a high school production of the Wizard of Oz and it has been lots of fun. but tonight one of the French Horn players made an announcement- he had lost his hand (really!) and it had been reattached and the doctor's said he would never play horn again. And this is his first time playing again and its a miracle. cool huh?

Life is But a Quick Succession of Busy Nothings...

Chapter One: The Skies Opened and Dumpethed White Crap

I wore a sundress to work on Thursday morning and by evening I was trudging through snow(I now have a full winter wardrobe in my car at all times so I was prepared, sporting a hot ensemble of sundress and snow boots). The weather got progressively worse culminating in power lossage Friday evening. It came back briefly this morning and then went out again. Thankfully it is on again (as evidenced by this blog).

I was being angsty about the snow while driving home on Friday and commented to Amy "snow is shit*" This caused to pause and imagine- What if snow really was shit? This new perspective made me much more appreciative of the water based precipitation. I love snow so much more than poo (while, lets be frank, poo is strangely fascinating in its own right, I don't want it all over my yard, car, life, or person).

The trees are so laden with snow, branches and whole trees are falling everywhere. The landscape looks like something from Dr. Suess. There are some mini Shetland ponies near our house and their attempts to move through the snow was truly comical. Poor Ponies.

Chapter Two: Call me Little House on The Christa

I have found a few new things in my life that cause me great, unbounded joy and I realized all of them are sightly related. Examples: My sprouting herbs, my overalls, my new and totally unhip hand me down tiered peasant(prairie)dress, mason jars, raw honey, thinking about goats, etc etc. I really think part of my soul is trapped on a wagon train. So, when the power went out and my lunch was sadly unfinished on the stove I realized this would be an excellent opportunity to try out the wood stove's cooking capabilities. It was highly successful. Not only did I successfully stir fry veggies and rice, I whipped up an amazing batch of almond pralines. I think candy making should only be done on a wood stove for the high temperature made the process very expedient. and delicious. I was about to bust out some biscuits when darkness fell and I had no more light and didn't feel up to improvising a dutch oven.

Chapter Three: Castle Xanadu

Once we were able to clear our driveway today(ahem, our neighbor came in his John Deere mammoth skidster and plowed us out), Eric proposed we build an edifice from snow. Our original vision was an igloo but that quickly changed into a castle when we realized after our first layer of bricks we had been way to ambitious in our dimensions and that a roof would only occur if we built it 10- 15 feet tall. And who has the time for that? So we transformed it into a sweet castle fort with turrets and windows. Totally worth the five hours of hard work that now leaves me unable to lift my arms. It really is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Unfortunately, it is supposed to be in the 70s by Tuesday, so our castle will be short lived.



(* There are two things that cause me to curse more than anything: cars/driving and snow. The combination of the two really turns me into a potty mouth. While driving in snow I develop Christa-cursing-Terets which sounds like stream of consciousness poetry gone awry "shitshitshitshitshitshitshit").

I had a dream the other night that I was walking through a yard full of spiderwebs and I kept running into them (not unlike that unfortunate hike with Jon and Jon-do you remember the spiders?) I woke myself up completely creeped out with the eebie-jeebies. It took quite a bit of convincing for me to go to sleep again with the confidence that a real bug or spider was not sharing my pillow.

And THEN...the next night I go to my room and what is on my pillow but a giant beetle!!! UGH! I think a bug really did land on my during my dream. Permenant eebie-jeebies. I had to get a new pillow

Its snowing again. Calling for 4 feet this time. Thankfully I was prepared with boots in my car, making my sundress a little less unpractical (It was 70 yesterday- oh fickle weather).

I have had so much to do this week I can't wait for it to be over. How much longer until my weekend!!! Lots- unless I am redeemed by immense amounts of snow. I am plum tuckered out.

over and out cub scouts

I think this may be the best Easter ever. Megan and I have eaten the most delicious meal (Crostini of brie and asparagus and tomatoes and mozerella, shrimp and grits, and good old fashioned apple pie- with a touch of rum. Possibly the most brilliant thing ever put in an apple pie besides apples). Megan created the shrimp and grits sans recipe and we are both in awe of this delicious creation. I officially declare that Shrimp and Grits will be the traditional meal of Easter from this day forth. We are now lounging in front of the fire (its snowing), have just finished watching LOTR: Two Towers, and will venture out shortly to see Slum Dog Millionaire.

There is an older gentleman I know who is the only person that can say things like "Hey kid" and "Stay out of trouble Babe" without me going into a defensive feminista stance. He has that Humphrey Bogart-esque presence, cowboy boots, and a saucy wink that leads you to the obvious conclusion that this man was a smooth operator in his prime. He makes me feel like Lauren Becall.

I bought a wing back chair from the Arc for four bucks and have great plans for recovering it. It may be a disaster, but how can you not try for four dollars? The best part of this chair is that its seat is wider than traditional wing-backs allowing for the perfect curl-up-with-your-best-book-scenario. Have I mentioned I love my station wagon? What other vehicle could accommodate my cello, various random articles from my life which include snowboarding boots, snow boots, scarves, gym shoes and still allows room for the unplanned acquisition of fabulous furniture? Its a beautiful thing.

Okay, we all know I love a good fairy tale or fantasy story. Now, I am not a crazy or out-of touch person that actually believes in a parallel universe or magic per say, but isn't nice sometimes to imagine the possibility? I love to let my mind dance on the edge of reality and dream of a world beyond all my expectations or perceptions of what is real. I want some magic in my life. (You, as my true friends, are required to stage an intervention if my fascination with fantasy and all things other-worldly pushes my eccentricities into acts of true craziness- you know, dressing in costume outside of the privacy of my own home, speaking in a secret language of my own creation etc.)

One of my favorite parts of church is the ending benediction. I just love receiving a blessing for my week.

My roommates are disagreeing that a slice of cheddar cheese is a traditional (and delicious) accessory to apple pie- any supporting opinions? If you haven't tried this you should, its amazing.

Harry Potter is now on, my full attention is required.

Happy Easter!

If you say forever I'll punch you in the face...

Three words never to say to your personal trainer - "Bring it on."

Silly Christa. Don't ever taunt the trainer because then he will kick your butt and serve it to you on a platter. In the middle of some ridiculous plank/weightlifting/what-am-i-doing-this-for scenario I realized that the man enjoys his job aka making me lift really heavy things until I can't feel my arms, way too much. I don't think he likes my jokes.

Today I decided that the old dog pen will become a garden so after my crazy workout I hauled wood, raked up pine needles, and spent two hours outside in my overalls. I also went and locked the loft doors in the barn which had been knocked open by the wind and I had delayed closing them because I am pretty much terrified of the barn. I am not a brave women when it comes to ROUS's (or really large rats). Armed with a broom and making lots of noise I climbed the ladder to the loft, ready to flee at the slightest sign of movement. I must have been really scary, cause I didn't see a thing (anti-climatic story, I know, but I am still kind of grossed out. All the time I was climbing the ladder I envisioned rats jumping out of the feed sacks into my hair...ewwww).

After a brief nap I now find that my limbs have gone on strike and my body in general hates me. I will have to recuperate quickly for my next session is on Monday. Foul Evil Gym Man- You will not win!

I really want some chocolate cake right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EYAUazLI9k

This is the most amazing thing ever. I am moved to tears every time I watch it.

Here is a picture of one of my most recent creations- a crazy quilt haphazardly pieced together to look like a woman dancing (inspired by a photo from Mexico taken by Rachel and Annie- she is now named Lola and lives comfortably on their couch).

Today was my 1 year anniversary at Whole Health.

Spring snow showers are heinous and evil. Like, for real. Taunted by sunny days of 60 and 70 degrees, we carelessly abandon are jackets to the back of our closets. And THEN! snow falls, unbidden, in giant heaps with lots of terrifying wind. The last blizzard I was lulled into a false sense of security by the mild weather of the morning and did not have my jacket with me. 5 hours later I had to drag my butt out to the car sans coat, getting soaked to my knees as I trudged through the snow in my flats, skirt, and stockings. By the time I met Eric to ride up the mountain together I looked like a stranded hobo- I was wearing my work clothes, my green tennis shoes, and all the other layers of clothes I had found in my car. I was quite a sight.

I am in the midst of looking for a new place to live. It is a very overwhelming thing to do. I kind of want it to just be done for me. Like most of the things in my life.

My car broke down last week. The repair cost is pretty much exactly how much I got for my tax return. I think I have been subjected to a horrible scheme to steal all my money. I did buy myself a tent with a little of the dough though. I am not going to lie, I want to get married simply so I can pass car maintenance on to someone else's to do list.

WHERE IS SUMMER!?!

TGTITWIMF (Thank Goodness Tomorrow Is Thursday Which Is My Friday)

it snowed. like, there was a blizzard. Eric saved me by taking me up the mountain in the jeep. Holler. Nothing better than being snowed in.

It is supposed to snow feet tonight. FEET. It better.

I have had a revelation. I have recently decided to do only one thing at a time (when at home, work requires 5 activities at once to get anything done). I realized that I have been walking around looking and asking for peace and quiet and calm while simultaneously cranking on the tv, turning up the radio, grabbing a book to fill the void as I cook dinner, drive to work, run my errands. If I fill my day with meaningless noise I suppose I don't have to listen to my own, possibly frightening, thoughts. Or maybe I have been afraid if I do just one thing at a time I will miss out on something or find that my free time has disappeared without anything satisfying occurring. So I grab at anything and fill every moment with STUFF and THINGS. but after a quiet weekend of doing exactly what I want, one thing at a time (this means sewing, deconstructing a dresser, more sewing, brunch with a dear friend, cooking with intention, parks, books in coffee shops where I only drink flowery tea) I discovered - My mind isn't such a scary place after all and quiet brings the satisfaction I been looking for. Shocking, I know.

It is way way too late and I must go to bed (any hour after 8 is automatically deemed way way too late). I just finished reading another fabulous Margaret Atwood book (The Edible Woman). I wish I was as smart and articulate as she...I love stories.

I went to an estate sale and bought a shadow box, dresser, and nightstand for 12 bucks. This weekend: nails and paint and creation.

I have been deliciously productive today. I finished everything on my list. Amazing. I like my errands to be circular and make sense in their orderly execution. Thankfully today there was no extra driving, everything was in its order and succinctly accomplished.

I feel the need to settle into myself and sit and be quiet for a very long time. I don't know if that will happen but I am trying not to fight this instinct, which is very easy to do.

I am currently watching "The Age of Innocence"- picked up from the library because it is directed by Martin Scorsese, is a period film, and has Daniel Day-Lewis in it. It is very interestingly done...I am not sure if I like it or not...I think I would like the book.

Amy and I currently snug in the corner of the computer room at her conservatory after a long day of walking, shopping, and EATING! It all started with the Market Street Farmers market, which I have always wanted to go to. Nestled along the wharf, it has a great view of the ocean and tons of fabulous organic goodies. Um, I love San Francisco. It is like my food mecca. Yesterday Amy took me to an organic restaurant called Cafe Gratitude, which offered vegan raw cuisine that tantalized your taste buds (okay, Amy was a little freaked out, but it was pretty much like my own kitchen). The best part is that this restaurant totally took itself too seriously (Question of the day: What are you celebrating? I ordered "I am graceful" and "I am healthy" - a more conscious eating experience you will never find)but was delicious. So this morning- farmer's market, where we walked through the aisle and I could not spend my money fast enough on raw honey, produce, vegan soup (called Butternut love soup, yes please), vegan smoothies, and what not. Like a kid on Christmas, Amy had to hold me back from pouncing on the farmers, begging for jobs, taking pictures of their confused faces. I want a farm!!!! Amy will have to be my proxy and return weekly to get veggie love. Our purses are stuffed with produce for supper.

Our meanderings then took us to the fisherman's wharf for sourdough bread (more please!) and then walking to Coit tower, China Town, Union Square (Amy endured me drooling on every corner of H and M), and now to rest at conservatory before we continue on our trek.

Other highlights: the beach (duh!), de Young Museum with Andy Warhol and Yves Saint- Laurent collection (pop culture!), Beethoven 7th Symphony, naps, people watching, men in kilts (st. patrick's day), Twilight (yes, Amy is reading them), sunny days in San Francisco. I am so moving here.

Amy says hi.

I am sick. And nothing is worse than being sick while working at a Health Center. I have taken the morning off to recover.

News Updates:

I joined the church choir, fun.

Christopher Moore continues to be my favorite author. With each additional book I read I laugh more and more.

My seedlings are sprouting!

I got to see Emmy and Carmen from Americorp- great to see them and reminisce over the days of yore.

I am watching P and P, curled up in a blanket with a hot beverage, willing away the germs. I will not succumb.

I rescued a dog this weekend, an ancient black poodle, who was deaf and going blind. The second night when I went to bed he would cry and yelp until I came back. After checking on him a dozen times I finally dragged my blanket and pillow to the couch to sleep (I wouldn't let him in my bed, fresh puppy). He was fine the rest of the night, as long as he could keep me in his sights. Needy but sweet. (I found his owner after a wild goose chase and he is now back home where he belongs)

I am going to see Amy! I must get better!

there has got to be something more to life than try, try, try....

name that tune

This Week:

Two police cars pulled onto the street from their speed trap locations, freaking me out, but both times they weren't after me

I am attending my first pit rehearsal for a local production of The Wizard of Oz

Where have all the oxen of America gone? Are they extinct?

I saw a car completely flipped over on the side of south turkey creek road- the back mountain road I drive down to get to work.

I am going to start sprouting seeds, I need to find screen and mason jars.

I went to bed at 9:15 last night and I am still tired.

I think the Amish have stolen all the oxen.

They say Izzy has cancer.

When googling "Christa needs" after too much facebook the following results popped up:
Christa needs to die NOW!
Christa needs to realize that despite disappointing action she is still deserving of friendship. (thanks.)
Christa needs to be judged if she is evil
Christa needs HELP!
Christa needs to forgive and forget

Disturbing no?

I am off to run many many errands and hopefully find something to do to make my day interesting. Whatever shall that be?

Today I sat so close to the wood stove that when the wood popped and sparks shot out, I burnt a hole in my pants. and my shirt. Sound familiar? I refer to the dime sized scar on my arm where a spark burned me when I was little. Apparently I never learn. (I am still sitting by the fire).


Today in church we sang some oldie goldies. It was great (I can't remember the name of the songs now). but is was nice. I also enjoyed the Lord's prayer, in which we all said the word "trespasses" instead of "debtors" - "...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us..." The auditorium was split with the sound of "sss" slithering uncontrollably through the air. Delightful.


I am really really tired. The rest of my evening shall be spent reading old dramatic novels in front of Defiant (the name of the wood stove and an apt description of my general attitude).

If Oprah can, so can I...

I had come up with this list of my ten most favorite things that make me happy (specifically things-nothing meaningful like people...) I had hoped to include photos, I may still, but right now I have neither the time nor energy (nor the uploading cords for my camera). Ahem. Prepare to be riveted.



My favorite Things, in no particular order:

1. Pretty little bowls

2. Unusual scraps of fabric

3. My head lamp

4. My chacos

5. My pink dish washing gloves (they double for super hero duty)

6. Green Tomato Relish

7. Painting on Walls

8. My favorite books, which I can read over and over again(namely The Blue Sword and Biting the Sun - they are me).

9. My octopus bracelet

10. Multi-colored sharpies

If I ever was, for even the briefest amounts of time, a person who did not say exactly what she was thinking, I am definitely not that person now.

Definitely is a word I always have trouble spelling.

Tonight a miraculous thing occurred as I was taking out the trash. As I picked up the trashcan and turned, I knocked over the recycling bag. I continued out the door into the garage, listening to the sound of a glass pickle jar that had been in the bag roll across the floor. I could hear it as I placed the trash in the outside bin...and then, at precisely the same moment, I closed the trash can lid with a thud, the rolling jar stopped against the cabinet with a thunk, and the automatic garage light came on, all in unison. I live for such moments - My life is a musical.

Today I went snowboarding with my awesome brother. I was feeling pretty good, having fresh legs and great anticipation of some awesome snowboarding stunts on my part. I got a bloody nose on the first run. After I made it all the way down the mountain, I caught the wrong edge and slammed my face into the snow at MACH 1 speed (no broken wrists or fingers since my head cushioned the rest of my body as I fell). Awesome. The rest of the day went pretty smoothly, though my knees are black and blue again. Josh caught my wrath when he suggested that my legs weren't strong enough to handle lots of snowboarding (he swears that not what he meant). People on skis should never tell people (or Christa's) on snowboards what to do. You have no idea what you are talking about. All that to say I am not going to the slopes with Josh tomorrow.

I have been feeling a bit lost and all too tragically caught up in myself. It seems very hard to fight the instinct that if I do more, things will be better. What things are wrong, you may ask? Well, ultimately, me. I feel all wrong and wish I could just lie in the sun until all the bits of my soul I don’t like are burnt up and blown away.

I have my own personal soundtrack. It's the clanking and kathunking of objects I run into and knock over as I move through space. (not time, just space).



Last Friday I went to this new fabric store and as I walked in I lost my breath in amazement. The owner and namesake of the store (Elfriede) is a statuesque, elegant older woman who embodies everything I aspire to be. Pulled together, elegant (so elegant its worth mentioning several times) with infinite sewing skill and humor. She was dressed in a gown straight from the 40s, her gray hair pulled back in an equally archaic yet gorgeous up do. I puttered around her small (and expensive) shop, buying small pieces of beautiful cotton prints. I am kind of afraid to do anything with them because they are so pretty. I just sit and look at them. Their potential is satisfying enough without requiring me to actually create something.



Work can be very stressful- even if some Event doesn't occur to disturb the normal sequence of the day, it seems that every person has an individual orbit of Stress, like a Ominous Storm Cloud above their head. Everyone also has a Shield that they use to Deflect the Stress Lightning from their Stress Thunder Cloud, simultaneously protecting themselves from the Lightning and striking anyone else who shows signs of not being Stressed enough.

I try to rise above it all, thankfully I am nimble on my feet and can dodge both Stress Lightning and Stress Orbits.

Today I exercised my divine feminine right to not watch the superbowl.