Can of Worms

If I ever was, for even the briefest amounts of time, a person who did not say exactly what she was thinking, I am definitely not that person now.

Definitely is a word I always have trouble spelling.

Tonight a miraculous thing occurred as I was taking out the trash. As I picked up the trashcan and turned, I knocked over the recycling bag. I continued out the door into the garage, listening to the sound of a glass pickle jar that had been in the bag roll across the floor. I could hear it as I placed the trash in the outside bin...and then, at precisely the same moment, I closed the trash can lid with a thud, the rolling jar stopped against the cabinet with a thunk, and the automatic garage light came on, all in unison. I live for such moments - My life is a musical.

Today I went snowboarding with my awesome brother. I was feeling pretty good, having fresh legs and great anticipation of some awesome snowboarding stunts on my part. I got a bloody nose on the first run. After I made it all the way down the mountain, I caught the wrong edge and slammed my face into the snow at MACH 1 speed (no broken wrists or fingers since my head cushioned the rest of my body as I fell). Awesome. The rest of the day went pretty smoothly, though my knees are black and blue again. Josh caught my wrath when he suggested that my legs weren't strong enough to handle lots of snowboarding (he swears that not what he meant). People on skis should never tell people (or Christa's) on snowboards what to do. You have no idea what you are talking about. All that to say I am not going to the slopes with Josh tomorrow.

I have been feeling a bit lost and all too tragically caught up in myself. It seems very hard to fight the instinct that if I do more, things will be better. What things are wrong, you may ask? Well, ultimately, me. I feel all wrong and wish I could just lie in the sun until all the bits of my soul I don’t like are burnt up and blown away.