Dude, cleaning my room is so theraputic, i get everything in order, i remember where i put my W2 forms, I find my cell phone, i put away my clean laundry. i am in control again.
I found an old notebook while looking for a new notebook and on the front page was a to do list from over a year ago, a list from the days of camp. It took me a second to decipher the frantic handwriting, but there it was, a time capsule from the past: so and so cannot come to camp today, we did all we could for him but he is continually disruptive; whats-his-name is being fired, more staff coming at 7.30; need more details, CALL LIZ. and then some doodles.
Then I found, a few pages later, a journal-esque entry. (sometimes i just need to write and i will write anywhere) and i think, while reading it, wow, i haven't changed much. i mean i have, but, it seems that my most comsuming concerns are not that different. hmmm. I had to laugh as I kept turning pages, messy, overwhelmed journal entry, list of things to do, journal entry, scheldule of a day in hourly slots, journal entry, list of possible jobs, another schedule...not that anyone is surprised, but here was and is distinct evidence against me. I am a control freak, lamenting the fact i can't have control in one journal entry and on the next page, trying desperately to reign in the unknown. sigh. and so i continue on, dancing to the never changing refrain of my life 'I am a fool, I am a fool' Its a great dance, you should try it sometime.
and I spent $40 on lotion. LOTION. please remind me to move to a tropical, humid climate. I should be freakin sponsered by Eucerin.
