there is something inherently lovely about tea. it could just be my early obsession with all things british, tea parties and the like, but i think it is also that one must take time with tea. or it feels like one must take time, slowly pouring into your 'smaller-than-your-average-coffee-mug' cup, sipping but not slurping the seasoned, steaming beverage. i am currently enjoying peppermint tea in boulder. it is 62 degrees and i am ecstatic with the warmth and sun. and i feel like i have, in this week and a half of unemployment, that i have regained, at least partially, my capacity to enjoy life.

i bought strings for my guitar, which has not had new strings since, um, i got it. and in the long process of restringing i not only broke a doo-hicky on the guitar (which i successfully re fixed with super glue) i broke one of the new strings! which was why i had to buy new ones in the first place, because i broke one of the old ones. so now i have a guitar with only five strings and if i buy new ones, i will just need one of the six strings that come in a set and will be off by one string for the rest of the life of the guitar, unless in some freak accident i break the other five and utilize all the strings in the box again. this is a tragedy.

no job but lots of hope and stalking of places i have applied.

"well," said Pooh, " We keep looking for home and not finding it, so I thought if we looked for this pit we'd be sure not to find it, which would be a good thing, because we might find something we weren't looking for, which might be just what we were looking for really." a.a.milne



I have crossed two things off my list today, which is successful only in regards to how long my list is, which i refuse to disclose. so its a good day.

yup, all giggles and grins here. i've broken out the ol' resume, dusted off the cobwebs from five months ago, made it run some laps, cut off some of the excess,and put in a few new adjectives, like audacious, meritorious, and sardonic, just to round everything out. i am paranoid about comma usage in general, i was given some thrashings in college due to misusage of this terrible and threatening form of punctuation, but if there are any issues i figure we can just step outside and work things out Tennyson style. just keeping it real, y'all.

wow, several teenagers just walked it and if i was moping about my twenties and the abyss that is this educational life stage, i am now so thankful and thrilled that i am no longer 13. if i was 13, i would like to be cool, like mattie vineyard. she bakes cakes and has pigs, some of which are named after harry potter characters.

i dropped my muffin on the floor. i didn't want it anyway.

they say the things that terrify you are the things that are worth doing. it may be true but it is also horrible. extremely horrible.

i need something right now, in this moment, to restore my faith in myself and maybe even my faith in humanity, if not my future. i am looking around for that something. ..it was going to be my muffin, but it fell. so, yup. still waiting.

haha.

i am in the mall and since panera, my internet connection location of the day, was packed i decided to wander around the mall for a bit, waiting for an outlet to open up. while wandering i got asked to do a survey, which i promptly agreed to since the survey involved cocktail sampling and six dollars. now i am sitting in panera eating the meal paid for by my survey and enjoying the buzz from my drink. i gave the drink excellent ratings but now fear i have to hang out at the mall longer because, well, i am Christa and i had one drink.

my week of unemployment has involved alternating episodes of panic and euphoria. what does one do with free time but think and what does thinking do but freak me out. i think (consequently), in the tradition of ophrah, craft time, and all things cheesy, (yet possibly effective) i am going to create a worry box into which i will drop all my worries. and then i might burn it.


or i might just keep coming back to repeatedly participate in the alcohol survey.

um i just finished reading redeeming love in one go, six hours, done. it was very enjoyable and brought me back to seventh grade when i read any Christian romance/ fiction i could get my hands one. i know, its a little scary. but the vineyards have the five films!! of the love comes softly by janette oke. yes i am borrowing them to watch them all.

Eric made an interesting comment about my post titled 'how to say no, etc etc' that though i quit my job i didn't really get completely away, because i have agreed to be a sub, which means i will still work for them. Which is funny and proves how deep this issue goes. i live in dread of phone solicitors because i cannot even say no to them!!! anyone asks me anything and I have a very very hard time saying no. internally i cringe and stammer out, i don't know, maybe, i will think about it, uh, okay, what did i just freaking agree too?? oh my goodness! i am really really bad at this, why i don't know, it must be me, but please don't ask me for anything unless you really want it.

in the process of moving things around in the house for our new roomies i stumbled across the old film that i narrated in the fifth grade called "Worlds of Wonder, The Neighborhoods of Charlotte." Which, personally, i think is a huge jump, to go from whole worlds of wonderment to the little neighborhood of Elizabeth within Charlotte. I re-watched it of course and my annunciation is remarkable. i can identify three main voice expressions:
1. The wide eyed 'Of Course Charlotte is amazing!' dimple, tooth sparkle, giggle
2. Sassy 'What did you think?'and i am 10 with major attitude problems
3. Didactic ' Here is random, obscure history that i am passing off like everyone knows it' so it goes, so it goes

Its genius really and my big break - Charlotte was never the same afterwards.

Megan is incredible. She lined up her shoes for me, one of the sweetest and most sincere expressions of affection i have ever witnessed.

Today is Dan's birthday and he is old. but no matter how old he gets, he will always be cool in my book. love ya man!

How To Say No or Christa Learns To Take Care Of Herself

Due to Megan's absence from the house i feel like i have not talked to anyone in ages. i called the bank lady about the car loan and kept chatting and chatting, like a verbal addict. ack, i thought, i have become that person. I will talk to ANYONE about ANYTHING for an extended amount of time, ignoring social cues, ignoring that I am less than a mere acquaintance to a majority of these victims of my garrulous attacks. alas. ear plugs needed.

I am almost done with work and as I approach, have more free time on my hands, I feel like I am unraveling even more, if that is at all possible. I just feel like my soul cannot undergo anymore attacks. We are at emergency red level. My spirit is like a balloon that floated too high and then expired with a frantic downward spiral accompanied by a somewhat tragic yet somewhat amusing farting noise as it plummeted to its demise. yep, thats me.

meanwhile, i officially have a car and it is officially named Maybell and she is the perfect car for me. we have many adventures in store my dear.


I wrote a valentine poem of which i am quite proud, of limited rhyme and poor meter:

On this day created for the masses
I say we go out and raise up our glasses
To those fools who need it this way
because they cannot say 'I love you' on any normal day
And so we toast to those sad, sorry dumb asses




Things I am glad for:
tiny spoons with which to eat whipped cream off a hot coco
Johnny Cash
walks where you see no cars and no people
bread flour and chocolate chips
standing up tall
friends close by
silliness of any variety

Megan and I were having an interesting conversation last night discussing how we process what is going on in our lives. I find that for myself, a very verbal person, the significant discoveries about who I am and what I am going through are made when I actually take time to be still and quiet with myself. And for Megan, who is naturally inclined to be an introvert, to talk out stuff with people is how she comes to definite conclusions about the things in her life. I think that I just get so tired of worrying about everything in my head all the time, it makes it very difficult for me to verbalize it or dwell on it in conversation, because I am so impatient with myself and want to just move on and do something about it, regardless of whether those attempts to act are successful.

I am going to clean and make cake and read and drink tea today.

lovely. and i don't have to work until Wednesday, lovelier still.

I have an interview for a nanny job on Thursday - I would make more money than my current job and it starts in March which would give me two weeks of rest before work begins again. I think it could be a lovely arrangement.

Recent discoveries:

pine burns much faster and easier than hard woods
my cat has reactive attachment disorder
i really like my new shoes i bought
i like babies
i am amazing

yes. life is full of humor. there is no end to the laughter.

a modern tale:

Christerina, a lowly peasant who worked for a large non-profit, was filling out paper work when she saw a lovely young girl running frantically into a cave. Confused and mystified, Christerina followed the young girl quickly into the cave. However, once in the cave there was not a young girl waiting but a terrifying dragon rooting around in the non-profit's cache of supplies and medicine. Christerina took a step back as the dragon turned her head and focused in on her new prey. Christerina was no warrior but could claim some skills of cunning and deftness of foot. In addition, she had magic spectacles which allowed her to see all that was occurring with clear perception. But these small skills, Christerina did not fool herself, were nothing to the fierce vengeance of the dragon. The dragon began to draw up to its full height and launched itself at Christerina, in one deft move knocking the magic spectacles from Christerina's face. Dumbfounded, Christerina continued to deflect blows, but was dazed by the speed of the dragon. The battle ended quickly as the dragon drove her talon into Christerina's hand. Christerina ran away.

The end.







such is my life.

i need a nap, a long one. maybe for a couple days.

I am going to buy a car, a very adult like thing to do, but apparently very easy, a couple calls, a couple signatures, a couple more bills to pay- BAM! a new Subaru in the driveway. excellent.

we have had lots of visitors and i really enjoy having lots of people around; there is always someone to talk too, always someone to answer the phone, always someone to play games with, lovely. And soon we will have something even better - more people in the mountain house home. ah, it does not get any better.

i am reading a new fantasy book that meets all my criteria for a good read. well, i don't really know what the criteria is but i like the book. um, but maybe not enough for megan's book reading list. i don't know if i can come up with must read books for that list, but i am trying. :)

i know my blogging has been few and far between but soon we will have internet at our house and there will be an endless stream of personal commentary flowing forth. i know you are all breathless in anticipation.