So today I went running for the first time in weeks! I have been an absolute bum and today I was like dude enough of this its time to begin again. so i did. and i remembered how much i love to run! yes, i am slow, but its like your lungs get cleared out and the brisk fresh air fills them up and you push yourself further than you expected you could go. And I just had to share, that as I was running, I came to that mental bridge that I have to cross every time I run, where I say to myself, okay you have gone far enough, and i let myself walk. But today I pushed on, said to myself 'I really am a NINJA!' and went on. Today three miles down, soon to be more and more.

I overheard a co-worker ranting about how silly Christmas is, that the romans just took over a pagan religious holiday a be-jillion years ago to show power and thus this holiday it simply a political power-play and that Jesus was really born in June etc etc. I think, for me at least, the historical development of this holiday is somewhat irrelevant and it doesn't matter when exactly Jesus was born, because really Christmas is a reminder of God's greater plan! That he knew that redemption for his broken servants (us) could only be granted through blood and a perfect sacrifice. And so, in His perfect plan, he gave us his son, the exact representation of Himself in human form, so that we can return to him. And the story, the story of Christmas, of Jesus' life, is all part of this plan that is necessary so that we can see God's greatness, His plan, and Praise Him for His mercy, grace, and power. So Christmas is just the beginning of that plan, the first light of hope for sinners, the dawn of a new covenant, a new law, the gospel. I know I can't express it as well as others, but this realization makes me want to shout and dance and sing! For God is so Good to us! And we know that His plan has already been completed, the sacrifice has been made and Jesus has already sat down on the throne beside the Lord, signifying his victory over death! Rejoice for we have been redeemed! Amen!

i was at my church orchestra rehearsal last night when one of the pieces struck me as oddly familiar. this familiarity was not of the "oh-this-is-my-favorite-hymn-which-i-have-heard-all-of-my-life" variety, but a far more unsettling "this-sounds-like-some-random-song-from-an-inspirational-movie-possibly-one-with-woopie-goldberg" familiarity. the song is titled "Glory to God" and has a reggae-esque (?i dunnno, beachy perhaps describes it better...iam not known for my musical accuracy) beat to it. well, i finally placed where the familiarity origniates from. Its a dead copy of the theme song from Free Willy. Yes, the movie about the whale. now, i ask you, how am a supposed to keep a straight face during the Christmas program with this mind association firmly planted in my brain?

Hallsey, one of the three adorable children i sit for, and i had a tea party tonight while her parents and older brother went to see narnia. One of my favorite things about her is that she answers all my my playful, teasing questions with a straight, serious (while slightly questioning my intellignce) tone. i attempted to capture some of her funnier moments in prose, but erased them when they fell shamefully short of campturing her truly inate sense of humor. all this to say, she is a riot. She names all her dolls and animals frivolous names like Annika and Serefina (names gleaned from barbie movies i gather) and dresses up in a princess costume evertime i come over. we tell lots of stories, her sweet voice always chiming in when she feels an elaboration to my plot is necessary. she went through this one morbid (and very funny) stage when she would make all the characters in the story die. I would have the princess in the tale living happily ever after when suddenly Hallsey would declare that, no, the princess fell violently ill and died. i hope all these deaths weren't due to her dislike of my impromptu fairy tales. she is as cute as a button.

look at me, just blogging away. (this is for amy's benefit).

so pride and prejudice was super good! very prettily filmed, lovely music, and, of course, a wonderful story. the best part was my grandmother's commentary and her swooning over mr. darcy every time he came onto the screen. ah i love that woman!

um. today is my day off and i usually begin my tuesdays with a list of things to accomplish. and generally they never get done. so it goes today. what i really think i need is a nap. :)

um, i think i am going to prague. stay tuned for more details.

i have been lax in my posting.
but, frankly, there has not been much to write about, though this is not a negative or sad observation, i have just been in go mode for the past few weeks.

blog topic #1: just home from a fantastic weekend at Chapel Hill. What a wonderful and talented group of friends I have! Amy- You had a fantastic, magnificent rectital; Jon- You were amazing(!!) in the cradle will rock! You owned the role. Matt- Congrats on winning the concerto competition, i cannot wait to hear you perform at the concert.

and Elisabeth is 21-hooray!
This is a very insufficient sum-up of the weekend, but i am an a concise mood. final statement, i had a wonderful time, i love seeing all of my dear friends!

blog topic #2: it is very difficult to soak your ear in salt water.

blog topic #3: be expecting an e-mail about a fantastic party. my mom's only condition about holding it here in charlotte is that everyone brings their instruments and that we all sing Christmas carols. i am not kidding, bring your instruments or my mom will jetison us into the cold.


Tonight i am have a date with my grandma for dinner and a movie. i am excited, there is no one i like talking about jane austin with more that my g-ma. can you guess what movie we are going to see? stay tuned for my next blog in which i will give a detailed analysis comparing the film to book versions and A&E movie renditions.

note to self:
in order to go to bed in a timely fashion, do not 1. take a long afternoon nap 2. drink a higly caffienated drink.

disregarding these suggestions will inevitably result in lack of sleep and late night blog entries with many misspellings.

i had something funny to say but i cannot remember what it was. oh well. i like costumes and such but i think halloween is only fun if you have cute little kids in plush costumes to tote around. Only a few trick or treaters came to our house and the majority of them were teenagers in "costumes." Costume prize goes to a little boy in a dragon costume- so sweet!

I think I am going to start taking some road trips. suggestions on destinations will be accepted, i think my first trip will be to the grand canyon. or maryland.

an addendum to the previous post: i am single and ready to mingle.

so on tuesdays and fridays at borders they have a story time and lots of cute little kids come in to hear awesome stories. Well, today we had a halloween party instead, so borders was full of thirty some-odd kids in halloween costumes (my fav. was a little boy in a giraff costume) running around like crazy. it was fun. I wore my cape, though i think that leaves me open to eternal mocking from my co-workers who are less enthusiastic about kids, games, and costumes than i. good times.

favorite book title of the day:
"if men are buses, how do i catch one?" and its sequel, "If singleness is a gift, what is the return policy?" I found this especially amusing because these books were in the christian relationships section. I am hoping the author was speaking tongue-in-cheek. (In no way read my interest in these titles indications that I wanted to read them or i am desperately seeking to wrangle myself a beau, bus, or anything else of that sort.)

Also, I am developing the bad habit of reading the backs of all the books i shelve. they all look so interesting. it could become a problem.

My job is sweet. I go to work, clock in and then focus on one task, putting books on shelves. It may sound boring, but I like reading all the book titles and thinking about the people who wrote the books. I like seeing how many books they have written as I put it on the shelf, is this their first or their 34th? If they have written lots of books, why? Are they a series or did they just corner a certain reading population that cannot do without their novels. Because really, how many obscure sci-fi series are there, or how many really cheesy romance novels are there? And why do people read these books? To become well-read? Entertainment? Escape? I also like to think about who will get the particular book I am shelving, or how many people have picked up this book and put it back down again. So thats what I do for eight hours, talk to people about good books, shelve good books, and think about good books. well, some bad books too.

One more thought about books. Oprah's newest book club selection "a million little pieces" cannot be found anywhere--we have gone through two huge orders in our store and now the distributor does not have any more left! they are flying off the shelves. Now, when oprah recommends a normal, average girly book, they are in demand, but not crazy hard to find. But not only is this book a book club selection, it is actually really good. (I read it, and though I am anti-Oprah book club bandwagonite, it really was very good). All this to say I marvel at the power of amazing advertising and good literature. And the fact that this book was published two years ago! How many other incredible books are out there and no one knows about them? I am going to hunt them all down ;)

I also really want to write a book. I will, I think. The kids I am currently babysitting, Haywood, Hallsey, and Hamilton, they are obsessed with the stories I tell them and who could be a better judge of literary and creative genius than little children with strange names. Hamilton is also the name of my stuffed corduroy alligator, not to be confused with Giles the corduroy elephant.

I can be quite verbose, but writing really is soothing. I am going to think of something really exciting to do to make tomorrow different. I'll get back to you when I figure out what that exciting thing is.

blog entry number five...I think. But who is counting.

Okay. So this is what I have gone through in the past couple of months. My summer was crazy, full of self-doubt and stress, as well as lots of challenges, beautiful kids, and great co-workers--a wonderful experience but little time to think. Then came September. Suddenly super busy has transformed into lots of free time, lots of free time with no people to spend it with. So lately I have been having a rough time of it, questioning God's intentions, grumbling a lot, and feeling sorry for myself. But this week I had a reaffirming of faith. I had an emotional breakdown, feeling so overwhelmed by life in general, and I read from Hebrews in desperation for some hope. And I received hope in abundance!! How patient the Lord is when we doubt and how sweet is his grace when we accept it! I am not a great writer or eloquent but I hope I can share how God has changed my heart in the past few days. Hebrews talks of a better covenant to be received in Jesus, who is constantly sitting by the throne of God, intercessing on our behalf. The author encourages us to press on, to cast of the temptations of sin, and to press on in the light of trials. He also reminds his audience that our hope is in a perfect city, in heaven, where we will truly know God. I feel like I am talking on and on, but I have flipped 180 from where I was at the beginning of the week. For the first time in months I am content and at peace! And though I know that may be temporary, I may loose sight of this hope again tomorrow and feel grumpy and lonely, God is faithful and his promises remain the same! And as his daughter I will never be forsaken by Him, he will continually call me back to his arms, to renew my heart and teach of true joy!

amen!

other reasons today was great:
I hung out with Christina, who is the sister I never had-
We baked 8 loaves of bread and 2 pans of cinnamon rolls, I held her month old baby sis, we took a long walk in the beautiful fall weather
I had a white chocolate mocha, yum yum
I hung out with Emily Mauney, who is a true blessing to me!
Had a break from the alphabet

what does it take to get in the circle of trust? that is one of those questions you will never really know the answer to.

um, so yeah. i think i know why i never keep up with any blogs.
1. i try to hard to sound brilliant and just sound stupid, though motives are sincere.
2. i think too much about what people might think as they are reading what i write, though no one ever reads it because i am too self-concious to give the link to anyone.
3. people will just see how silly my day to day thoughts are.

when i was little, I had a diary with a picture of a beach on the front and a leetle bity key that could lock and unlock it. Whenever I would write in it I would imagine that someone would read it, like anne frank. its a curse.

like brothers.

Look how good i am doing. post number two. tonight i played with my brothers band at the battle of the bands concert. they won last year and so this was the 'returning' band performance or something of that sort. and it was fantastic!! i loved playing, the rush of being on stage, of focusing and not choking (not literally, i wasn't eating, just afraid of suddenly forgetting where a g# was or something like that), and i really enjoyed sharing the moment with my brother. I don't really know where the balance is for a healthy ego boost and narcisstic self-adoration, but it was great to see how things came together, and though my part was small, just backup and a couple of scale licks, it sounded really good (or so i am told because i couldn't hear myself). All this leads me to say I want to start a band. there is something so intoxicating about being able to express yourself through music, whether through words or just a beautiful line of melody. So i guess i don't really want a band, though i love the idea of a collaborative group being able to combine all their talents and ideas to produce a finished piece, i just want to play.

This is my, um, third blog attempt. I think there are several things that indicate maturity and adult-ness in an individual. Really, adult-ness is indicated by any activity you are able to carry out in a consistant basis. like flossing. or...blogging.

i am going to only post pictures i think, to save myself the embarrasment of realizing i have nothing to say. i just need to get a camera.