A hint of greater things.

Listening to my bro and his fellow band member, Bobby, play some music on this here podcast.

Driving home I see those flooded fields How can people not know what beauty this is I've taken it for granted my whole life Since the day I was born

This Valentines week I couldn't help but think how lucky and loved I am. I am so blessed with lovely, lovely people in my life. I have entered a season of such contentment and peace in knowing who I am and a little bit of where I am going. This is the great thing about growing up, for all of its bumps and falls. Sometimes I am so filled with joy, for no outwardly obvious reason, that I feel that rainbows will shoot from my fingertips. By asking the questions I have avoided out of fear, I have found sweet answers and affirmations that shatter the lies that I let live in my heart.

This week deserves celebration for the great folks that were born into it, Tiffany and my bro, Dan. Birthdays can sometimes have a tinny quality to them, echoing as we try to fill them with all the things we want to share and show people, the things we want to say, and the longing to feel our worth. But I hope these dear friends feel the weight of their importance to the people around them, in a it's-a-wonderful-life-other-wordly-experience way, if necessary. I have the hook up with some angels if ya'll need some Clarence love (that's his name right? the angel that needs to earn his wings). I love you guys!

I've been accepted to Johns Hopkins, she said in a whisper that couldn't contain her hope, excitement, and glee.

I make a lot of mistakes. Lots. In the past each one would be seared into my memory and I would relive them, painstaking detail by painstaking detail. That time I broke something. Or that time I said something embarrassing. Or my entire year of 6th grade. Then I learned to laugh at myself. It takes a little practice, but now I am really good at it. Really good. So now I am learning to handle my EPIC mistakes with grace. The ones where lots of people know you messed up, not just the lady you spilled coffee on. The one where you organized an event, invited 100 people, and then put the wrong address on the flier and didn't realize it until your boss calls you, lost and 30 minutes late to the function he is hosting. Right. Epic. But guess what. I slept really well and only spent 1 hour of my day groaning (I knew I needed to stop when the little girl I babysit started mimicking my guttural and heart wrenching "Oh my goooooossh" moans that would spontaneously spew forth). And now I am preparing to go into the office and face my consequences (which I am sure include a bucket of hot oil, maybe some tar and feathers). Things I will do: apologize, not make that mistake again, see what I can do to fix things, resign if necessary (the knowledge I could quit at any time makes everything in life more bearable). Things I will NOT do: Talk meanly to myself in my head.

The ironic thing is yesterday morning, before the revelation of my flier debacle, I was so sure of myself and like, dude, I am so on top of things today. My list was checked off, the work was done, things were good. Bum, bum, buuuuuuuummmmmm. Cue the flier and the laugh track.

I can steal this minute and this minute and this minute and no one will know that I took them all for myself, because I didn't want to share. These minutes are for sitting, thinking, watching the sun, and feeling safe. And I am keeping them.

DIY

How to freak out your online discussion group: Talk about new mother's eating their placentas. No one will respond to my post. I dominate! My virtual classmates cower in the presence of my boldness and are left virtually speechless. Bwahahahaha! Put that in your psychological development pipe and smoke it.

Addendum

This week I also got to experience behind the scenes school stuff. This sends a thrill through me similar to the joy produced by walking in churches barefoot after hours or hearing my shoes echo as I walk down shiny hallways. There is a location, called School Supply, where all the mail for all the schools is sorted. Each school has its own slot and I got to sort out hundreds of packages into those slots. Thrilling! This is also where all the buses sleep and lie in wait for each school day.

The good Lord gave me peaches and the good Lord gave me bread

Today has not gone as planned.

1. I slept an extra hour (Inside my head: GO! GO! GO! GO! Outside my head: Mesljdospahdnononowakeupyetsldjkd)

2. Got Lost in Huntersville. Well, I knew where I was but not where the school I needed to find was. I have had savant-like navigational success this week (with some assistance from me dad), using a map like I was born with one in hand. GPS, not needed thanks, I am going to triangulate this old school style. Using a road trip phrase gleaned from Ethan, my map buddy, I was going to "feel my way" to all my locations. This worked for the past 20 schools. Not this morning. 2 Hours of random driving, witnessing car accidents, and getting stuck behind funeral processions, I decided to cut my losses and head to task two of the day: photo copies at the office.

3. No One Was at the Office. And the door was locked. And I can't get my parking ticket validated. So I leave, losing two dollars for a 10 minute stop, 45 minutes of driving, and no photo copies.

4. At Panera. Getting directions and drinking coffee I shouldn't drink and eating a free bagel I shouldn't eat (That's right girls, my confession). Recently swearing, AGAIN, to give up wheat lasted, oh, four days. My bagel was delicious. Why give up wheat, you ask? Well. My wellness plan for fighting illness this week (I have been sick all week, in addition to other chaos. The toddler I watch says, Christa I have something for you. I reach out my hand, what? Something from my nose, she replies, as she wipes a booger in my hand. Ah. Thank you.) included huge amounts of vegetable and fruit juice. I feel much better AND my eczema on my hand, which has been lingering forever, is clearing up magically. Coincidence? I think not. Dear Panera, stop giving me free food. Dear Self, grow a pair.

5. Today I want to stretch out in the sun (or in my bed), read books and let my mind empty of snot and thoughts (haha, that was going to be more poetic but I couldn't avoid adding the snot. Such a good word and very similar to our new positive adjective, SMAOT - which is hot and smart combined. The A is silent).

6. Before this week I had never used Vics Vapor Rub. And its magical. It always kind of freaked me out, but as I was rummaging through cabinets looking for anything cold relief oriented, I found the little blue jar. I'm telling you, magic. If you are feeling the smallest bit poorish, wrap up in blankets in your bed, smear this on your chest while snuggling a heating pad. Miraculous sleep will result.

7. The Last Thing Impeding Productivity: I am blogging at Panera. Must Go Back To Work.