I had a realization, as I began to make tassels out of bright multi-colored yarn, that the scarf I am making is for me. No one else would want a scarf with day-glow tassels. But I do.

I am in Charlotte, being so domestic that people gasp at the sight of me, covered in thread, flour, and glitter. I am on my third batch of Christmas cookies today (making, not eating), in addition to all sorts of crafty nonsense. This is what happens when my family leaves me alone for a week.

My birthday was fun: We ate sushi, watched the muppet movie, took naps, I sewed (duh), played nertz, the Bundt game, drank delicious ice cream and vodka cocktails, watched the new Sherlock Holmes movie, drank more cocktails (this was over three days, as any true birthday celebration should be). Also, on Friday, we had a pie dinner. The menu: Feminist Pie (essentially Julia Child's beef stew in pie form), Hippie Pie (veggie quiche), and Bumpkin Pie (potato and cheese pie = delicious!). For dessert, Sweetie Pies (mini berry pies). So. Much. Fun. I am currently looking up recipes for the Mad Men New Years Party I am attending. I am going with Dutch fried meatballs called Bitterballen. All the appetizers I am bringing I decided should be in ball form. YUM.

I am a genius. Follow this riddle. I snagged two mini-packets of starburst from Grandma's house (4 starbursts total). Came home and gave one packet to Dad (2) and one packet to Danny (2). They, in response to my generosity, gave me back one starburst each = winner! Can you figure out the final score? I will reach diabetes before they do!

I realized that here at nursing school we can easily cast the entirety of Pride and Prejudice. I have definitely found Caroline Bingley. Holly and Omar and Jane and Mr. Bingley aka the nicest people in the world. There are several female versions of Mr. Collins (obsequious fools are universal) and of course I am Elizabeth. Everyone fits in somewhere. This is what I think about when I should be studying.

Meanwhile, I think I have a staph infection on my leg. A little bit of hypochondriac, a little bit of new nurse, a little bit of this-is-the-same-weird-leg-thing-that-got-on-my-legs-the-summer-of-2006-when-I-was-in-Prague-but-I-didn't-speak-Czech-so-I-have-no-idea-what-it-is-or-how-the-Czech-doctor-treated-it. I have pictures on my phone (from this round) if you want to play today's game of Hypochondriac Monday with me.

One exam down and three to go. I am sick (no hypochondria) but the doctor didn't give me anything....she said "it will be gone in a week." But I need to survive the week! Boooooooo! Almost done..........blech.

Taking taxis by myself and buying luggage make me feel like an adult. Well, I have never bought my own luggage, but taxis I can attest to. I tipped the nice driver extra for not murdering me. Any time I take a taxi alone (which has been twice), I can't help but think of that movie with Angelina Jolie and she is a cop (you don't know which one I am talking about yet?)...Bone Collector. Terrifying taxi driver/serial killer in it.

Back in Baltimore after a week with family. I am looking around my apartment and I feel clear and different....then I realized its because I am rested and not on the verge of a panic attack. Great, now I am ready for the hellish two weeks ahead. Bring on the madness.

By popular demand

I made a mistake this morning. I had a latte. And then went to my exam. About question 5 my stomach began to protest, in loud, rolling tones. Loud. My friend seated to my left glanced my way, eyebrow raised. Yes, my body hates milk. I forgot. Oops. The unholy sounds emanating from my abdomen punctuated the entire exam period. Awkward. But I think I did okay on the test.

Things I did instead of studying:

- made cake pops for church brunch (thats right, cake on a stick, with sprinkles. I would pick the most time consuming baked good ever but they are kind of amazing)

- bought fabric at Joann's weekend sale (40-50% off- how can you resist?)

- visited the book festival happening literally in my back yard. My favorite is the science fiction/ fantasy tent, which of course sports some wenches and pirates. The wenches were a little timid for my taste. I mean really, if you are going to dress up in public, displaying your not so hidden fantasy about living in the novels you read/attempt to write, please go big or go home. If you are going to be a pirate, BE A PIRATE. Don't mouse about and make me pity you for your lack of swash-buckle.

- had brunch with my dear friends that comprise Team Awesome here at nursing school. Crepes, farmer's market breads and cheeses, fritata and my favorite coffee....mmmmm...talked about the commune.

- made over a dozen mini meat loafs to freeze for future consumption. Baked them in muffin tins = brilliant. and delicious.

- cleaned my room

- wrote this blog

- watched the two hour Grey's anatomy premiere and displayed nurse dorkdom via my excitement that the safety checklist used pre-surgery prevented them from operating on the wrong person. Yay for safety checklists!

Okay, I am kind of into school again, having almost finished the first round of test. Truly, the only thing keeping me grounded is a daily run. and biscuits. I heard rumor of a run in DC in December some how based around chocolate or sponsored by a chocolate company....could there be anything better? I have a lot to do and hopefully I will do it all.

I keep a running list in the back of my calendar (yes I still use a hard copy, non-phone or web based thingy-me-bob) of all the things I want to read, see, and do. Its getting very long and I think will never be accomplished, but its nice to do all the same.

I have to finish re-applying for my masters. Eek! So many things to plan and do - take a year off? keep going? who knows.

I am attending a church filled with young people. Really young people. Like, I am considered old. Its kind of funny. But thankfully its close, its good, and they are all art students so no one bats an eye at my homemade clothes.

I find myself coming up with new idioms or slang words or phrases that I plan to integrate into the English language. Like, who first came up with "okay" "rad" or "Bird of a different color" as phrases we all (mostly) recognize in daily conversation. Today I threw into conversation, "Different color, same egg" (which is clearly just thievery of the previous statement). But I like eggs and generally classify all people as "good egg" or "bad egg" - it just felt natural and right. I got a look, but it was accepted as a sound contribution. So begins my plan....

Also, my brother's band's album is on itunes --> The Sea Wolf Mutiny, The Last Season. You should get it. **nudge nudge**

Resolved.

I have decided only to write in the font "optima" to perpetuate positivism and good will. This isn't actually an option on this forum, but just so you know, mentally I am typing in "optima."

I have allowed my school work to build to such a point that now I must study with the fervor and determination seen in the summer in order to catch up lost ground/ be successful/ get anything done. Excellent. Oh, and I am the unopposed candidate for my class' Vice President. That's right, I am finally redeeming my 8th grade failure to win a place in student government. My platform is a Halloween flash mob that involves our entire student body dressing up like Lady Gaga. or Florence Nightingale. Also, organizing a student mentor program, but that is secondary.

The Christa Alphabet

(borrowed from Abby)

ambition: to be in a musical, make a pair of shoes, cure diabetes

bad habit: loquacious and loud

city: baltimore, md

drink: water, room temperature

education: currently nursing, at J. Hop

food: apples and peanut butter, toast with butter and honey, kale

guilty pleasure: glee, young adult fantasy novels, roller derby

hometown: charlotte, north carolina

ice cream: cookie dough, peanut butter

jonesing for: my own home, which I will build from things I find, on land that will grow into a wild jungle of children and vegetables

kryptonite: pretty, small dishes or pretty pieces of fabric. also, bearded men.

look-a-like: drew barrymore (?)

movies: whip it, away we go, jane eyre, star wars, anything Austin, westerns, sci fi and the like

nicknames: calamity, megs, megakaryocyte, chriiiiiiiiiiista, christabelle

obsession: dresses, preferably stolen/ borrowed from old ladies or librarians

perfume: hypoallergenic soap

quirk: losing my words

regrets: not (yet) hiking the Appalachian trail

starbucks: café au lait, with honey

talents: spontaneous limericks, creating, writing, playing

university: unc, j. hop

vacation: Colorado, anywhere

wine: white

x: x to not speaking my mind

years: twenty-seven

zen: reading books in hammocks or bed, sewing, running, sitting in the sun

I definitely have a case of the back to school blues. Really? Another semester? Aren't I done yet? I am cleaning, prepping notebooks, vacuuming, doing vacation laundry (sniff, vacation...I miss you) and trying to not have an anxiety attack. Gone is the ignorant optimism of pre-nursing school, here is the present reality of what I must do again. And then twice more.

But then I will graduate and its tantalizing, as usually, to plan all of the imaginary possibilities of where I may go and what I may do. I will probably stay here but I like to plan all the same.

Its raining, a great excuse to stay indoors and sew.

Things I love

Danny working at El Burrito, Mom and Abbie eating at El Burrito (its really, really delicious), the show

Also, I don't have a genetic disorder, in case you were wondering.

I am the only one in the school library right now, except for the unfortunate woman whose office is located within this tomb of silence and soulful studying. No, a masters student just came in. I can tell she is a masters student (or doctoral) because she has the wizened look of one who has been studying too long. And she is here.

I passed all my exam. I survived. I am waiting for last official grades because I can't trust my math enough to work out exactly what my final grade may be. They weight them so your final exam is 40% of your grade, which means that basically what you make on the final is what you make in the class. No pressure. I am trying not to obsess about grades and am doing pretty well. Its not that I need them to prove my worth, I want them so I can get scholarships. Also, there is a devilish part of me that wants to slip under the radar of all the ostentatiously smart folks who go around lording their intelligence like its a badge of honor and then end up with a quietly smug, yet higher GPA. The devilish part of me, I know.

These past few days have been filled with sun, lounging, spontaneous naps, roller coasters, meals with friends, running, and sleeping. Its been great. I still have an extensive to-do list however, which includes the GRE, which I am to take tomorrow. I am a little nervous and thus I am at the library to study, which ends up looking more like blogging. I am also a little nervous that I am still exhausted and long for a cup of coffee each morning to jolt my brain into functioning. Question 1: How did I manage to stay awake this entire semester? Question 2: How will I stay awake for next semester?

I lost my cell phone or it was stolen. This was one instance where I was distinctly aware of the location of my phone until it was gone (on the window ledge in the gym. I stepped out just for a moment and then it was gone. boo.). I need a new one. I realized that I use my phone to tell time and without it, I don't actually know the hour of the day. I should start watching the sun I suppose.

Exam Delirium

I have no explanation. These, however, are my dear, dear friends without which I would not have survived the semester...

And that's how its done kids. Okay, almost done. One more exam. One more. Then three weeks that will include:

nachos, running, reading, making a medical taboo game, illegal street art, Charlotte and Sea Wolf Mutiny, Colorado, Minnesota and Farm weddings, Pirates with Laura, sleeping, dress making, learning lady gaga dance moves, making hair clips, sleeping, Zoolander, pie shakes, dance parties, waffles, card games, movies, sleeping, watching other people sky diving, head stands, the GRE, writing my masters application (again - I know, I keep changing what program I want to do....), curing diabetes, sleeping, sitting in the sun, secretly studying for next semester....in a fun way......

and now I have to start working.

I hope to never become a person who assumes that simply because I am in the midst of something hard and demanding I am inherently "better" or "smarter." Smart has no value; perseverance does. Being in this ridiculous program does not make me superior to anyone else and its hard to talk to people who think that it does (when the statement "We deserve to be taught by PhDs" comes out of your neighbor's mouth, you know you are in trouble). The value of being here is not that it proves how smart anyone is; the value is that this program teaches you to work hard and do more than you thought you could. While dancing between egos I like to think about this. All in all, I like the person I am becoming here. Like pushing an orange through a sieve, hopefully I will become refreshing and pulp-free.

I am an aunt again! Welcome to the family Emmaline Arabella!

I have cut off my hair and I love that its gone. My hair was the longest it had ever been and I was delighted to discover that I have ringlets (at least 3) when I first get out of the shower. That and the inch I magically grew (taller) prove that God is always listening. But then I decided to cut it all off on an impulse. Why? Because nursing school requires ponytails if hair is longer than your chin and that gets old fast. Though the hairdresser was a little too-cool-for-school, telling us about the book on stalin she is reading and how she doesn't watch tv (you know, like no one else was ever cool enough to not watch tv and read about stalin. Dude, I am in nursing school. I don't watch tv and I do wound care. I am cooler. done.) you know you can always trust a hipster with your hair. I have a ode-to-the-twenties bob with a flirty swoop of bangs that invariably leads you to my come hither eyes. Or something like that. Bottom line: easy to do, I look more pulled together, fun excuse for cute hair clips. done.

Various study sessions, wound care, online lab simulations (shockingly hard...what do you do when your patient codes?), freaking out over the schedule in July and the depth of patho we must know, and concluding with our rockin' study group, dubbed "Team Awesome." From left to right, Kim, me, Jolene, Liz, and Holly. Test one down, a million to go.

If the number of craft and design blogs I haven't read indicate how productive I have been (198 190) I have been very productive. Very.

(I miss you craft and design blogs.)

The way things work

Pathophysiology is the best class ever! Dynamic instructors and a lecture that discussed the following:
- worst hockey injury ever (not for the faint of heart)
- the best frostbite, amputation, and gas gangrene pictures I have ever seen
-Florence Nightengale and her pet owlette, Athena

Today I ventured on another sweat-soaked adventure, as each outing into the steaming city leaves you glowing (wilting). But I returned successful! I lugged my three terra cotta pots and 16 quart bag of soil onto the bus, with miracle grow tucked in my pocket. My plants will not die! I procured a farmer's market steal (3 basil plants for $6) and quizzed the farmer who sold them to me on how I too could grow/sustain/not kill innocent green things. I see this as my first real patient-caretaker interaction, if anyone is keep track. Once home I sloppily baptized the pots with white paint (so hot, the paint dried the instant I lifted my brush, making for awkward pot-paint negotiations), painting swirls and squiggles to my hearts content. Soon, ground breaking and planting. They will not die! Also, I discovered that Ace hardware is, apparently, my inner city stop for all needed kitchen supplies. I swear I asked every person I passed in the street where I could buy a pie pan and there must be nary a pie in Baltimore because no one knew! But in addition to soil, keys, and paint, Ace is home to bundt and pie pans. Lovely.

Crisis!

Tomorrow is a holiday and all school buildings will be closed...which are the only places I go and I have THINGS to do! I have recruited another class mate to track down all of the study-able coffee shops in our neighborhood. We will frequent each for 4 hours before getting a brief break and returning to work. The day will end with sushi. I have met some great girls, one especially that will crack the whip and make me work hard to keep up with her. Awesome (not sarcastic, really, awesome).

Moments of fear and hope are crowding so closely together its hard to distinguish one from the other. I am sitting here thinking to myself, this is why we do things that are hard and challenging. This is why we put ourselves in places that make us uncomfortable or may seem impossible. This is where we grow.

Okay kids, its happening aka I am doing it aka first homework assignments aka classes start Tuesday aka holy crapola!

Phew! I am exhausted. But I sit here scanning my Nursing Care Plan text book, reading about patient education and sample patient histories and I am totally pumped! This year will be ridiculous, exhausting, and even more ridiculous, but whoa, I will learn a lot.

Summary:

- I found the nearest Good Will (snagged some steals, like a pie pan, cute cardigan, etc). At school we have to dress business casual everyday, meaning only a limited supply of my hippie dresses are doing to be acceptable. And I can't wear sandals. And its humid and feels like 100 degrees outside (Come on!). But it will be okay because there is a H&M and I found a buddy that will clothing swap with me and I have a few more bedsheets I can turn into darling sun dresses. The Good Will was quality, though the lady at the counter looked at us like we were the scum of the earth. Nothing like a good ol' stink eye to throw you off your thrifting game.

- First load of laundry here went well. Clothes drying on the balcony. Check.

- Made a list of homework. And I wrote my new resume. Can you believe at orientation they talked to us about writing resumes? That's how fast this program is.

- Tomorrow: Yoga in the park, farmer's markets, more exploring, syllabus party, etc. etc.

Do you remember August in Hinton James with no air conditioning? Anyone? That is what it is like here except its still May. August will kill me. I literally woke up last night in a claustrophobic fit because I couldn't escape the hot, sweaty sleeping bag I was trapped in. Except there was no sleeping bag. It was the air.

Baltimore is my dragon that has taken me home (aka my eczema is healing and my asthma is gone because this city has no trees. A bittersweet victory.)

I almost feel like I need to rename the blog to signify the shift that has occurred, this move that in some ways does represent a very significant change in my life course. But I won't, you will have to discern the shift yourself, aka my absence due to excessive amounts of work.

First apartment-made meal in Baltimore: Homemade Hash Browns and a Cheeky Chick In A Loop

What is a Cheeky Chick in a Loop you ask? Well, it is a sandwich of my own invention and it is delicious. It's grilled cheese meets egg in a nest equals awesome.

Want to try this at home? Here's how:

1. Take two pieces of bread, cut one hole in each of them, of equal diameter. Eat the rounds

2. Place butter in a a heated pan, listen for a sizzle

3. Place one piece of bread in the pan and place tiny squares of cheese all around the edges (not in the hole!)

4. Place the second piece of bread on top, aligning the holes

5. Cook, flipping as needed, as cheese melts

6. Before cheese is completely melted, crack an egg in the hole

7. Cook until egg is semi solid, then flip

8. Once browned to perfection, enjoy!

YUM!

Okay, things about Baltimore:

- I live in the cultural district, which means a giant library and at least 4 museums within walking distance, several historical houses to tour, and lots of beautiful churches.

- Pretty enclosed courtyard in the apartment complex, also lots of locks and gates (for safety, Dad. I am very safe.)

- I am next to the Peabody Conservatory, which means easy music library access and limitless concerts

- The apartment is international! Moving out: a Korean and Canadian, moving in: a gal from Hong Kong and gal from Jamaica. Vieen is cute and hilarious, plays violin and studies public policy (Favorite incident so far: my uncle asked if she had a dolly and she quickly said yes. A few minutes later she was handed him a dollar expectantly, confused at his confusion. Dolly and dollar, not the same). Rhonde selected the best Korean food for lunch, winning MVP for the day, and is a Chemistry PhD candidate.

- This is a city, rolling, loud, walkable

- I am at the sea! The harbor is beautiful, with giant ships, er, one giant ship. I haven't figured out where the rest of them are.

Tonight I get the house to myself. I am resting, contemplating how to organize things. Unfortunately, I can't unpack until my first day of classes, when someone moves out of my room. Ack! But then I get the whole place to myself for three weeks! Eureka! Let the decorating begin!

Projects for this week:

Futon cover

Finish bedding

Decorative pillows

Dinnerpolooza

Oh the fun, oh the food, oh the dishes!

Pie Crazy

Can you tell its a slow day at work? I am currently researching pie recipes and all I want to do is go home and whip up the most abundant batch of pie crust ever seen by the world and bake pie after pie. Spinach ricotta, zucchini and corn, buttermilk shoefly, apple, maple pumpkin, and anything with cloud or lemon in the title. How many years until my retirement pie shop can exist?

Also, I am about to lose my mind I am so excited about Baltimore. LOSING IT! What did I do today other than look up pie recipes? Search the Johns Hopkins public health website and explored many of their community outreach programs - including their food and faith initiative to bring fresh food and produce into the inner city. I have already cultivated a list of organizations to volunteer at and explore. This is my dream! It is coming true! I am going to be equipped with a career that lets me help people, be involved in gardens, children, delicious food, community education, sunshine, making a difference, and I can make money. Praise the Lord! No, seriously, some praise is due.

Go tell Aunt Nancy the Old Gray Goose is Dead

I am in love with this woman - Almeda Riddle

Christa's Celebration de la Chic

Fashion is the unbarring of your soul to complete strangers. A mere flip flop can reveal an obsession with youth as a belt can reveal a subconscious need to reign in your inner fire. Clothes are a language and we define ourselves by what we own (or by what we don't own). How many times have you purchased something you won't really read/use/wear because you thought it would make you look/feel/be cooler? Case in point. Even a rebellion against fashion is still spoken by what you wear. You will never escape.

This season, style is all about layers. Today I dressed in 7 layers of awkward.

Layer 1: Foundation Garments, made by Underlying Insecurities

Layer 2: Camisole in Light Pink with Antique Lace Trim, made by Hide Yourself

Layer 3: Grey Blouse with Wooden Buttons, made by In My Head So I Can't Hear You

Layer 4: Jeans, made by Who Do You Think I Am

Layer 5: Extra Soft Socks of Angora Wool, made by Trying Too Hard

Layer 6: Brown Riding Boots, made by Pretending Not To Care

Layer 7: Earrings, made by Don't Look At Me

But more importantly, what are you listening to? Check out this shout-out to my brother's band. You should listen to them. It will make you cool.

I noticed at the library lately I have been running into a lot of people. Literally, bodies smashing together inconveniently as I try to accomplish the already impossible task of walking while holding things. "Oh Christa," I say to myself while rolling my eyes, "you are so clumsy!" Then this morning it happened again and I finally realized the reason: I have been walking out the entrance door rather than the exit door (This library, apparently, has two very separate, very well marked doors, one for entering and one for exiting). Got it. Not clumsy, stupid. Check.

I have been very stressed lately about getting financial aid in order for school, especially since I will be borrowing a preposterous amount of money. I have never done loans like this before and I hate doing things I don't know how to do (hearken back to Christa learning to drive, Christa learning physics, and Christa buying a car). But finally I broke down and asked some questions. You have to pity to Johns Hopkins financial aid office, because they probably have hundreds of type A, anxiety ridden, over-achievers calling them daily. The lady I spoke with exclaimed, "What did they send you students in the mail? Everyone is FREAKING OUT. Honey, you are doing a great job. Everything will be fine. We will wait for the money and you will be able to register for classes." A nice little pep talk, I thought. I have discovered that 75% of my anxiety is self-created. Not to belittle the power of this anxiety, because when it strikes it is like a lightening bolt to the brain that sucks all of the wind from your lungs and laughs as it begins to eat your heart while you watch helplessly. But...a little perspective goes a long, long way. Also, my mom was in town this weekend, a balm to my soul.

Have you ever worn a bonnet?

This was the query of a blog I read occasionally. I was saddened and mournful about the half-hearted comments of folks who vaguely recall a time in their lives where they may or may not have worn a bonnet. They say "well, I was a girl child once and I like to sit in grass, so I must have worn a bonnet at some point." Kids, if you wear a bonnet with pride, YOU DO NOT FORGET. Can I get an amen? I, naturally, commented in length. I have decided, for your reading pleasure, to create a bonnet time line of my life.

* Timeline Translation because for once "paint" has failed:

- Birth

- First Bonnet

- Walk toward my first bonnet

- First crib escape in bonnet

- Speak first word: bonnet

- Speak first phrase: Mother, where did thou place my bonnet, my head covering of choice?

- First reading of Little House on the Prairie

- Climb first tree in bonnet

- First annual Bonnet and Field Frolic

- Sew my first bonnet

- First wearing of bonnet in public aka not in a field or forest

- Finished writing "Bonnet: The Musical" which includes great hits such as "My bonnet lies over the ocean" and "I like big bonnets"

- I begin bonnet street evangelism

- First visit to the Amish; I weep for joy

- First realization that historical museums offer a bonnet-safe space

- Found B.W.B - bonnets without borders, a non-profit dedicated to bringing bonnets to those in need

- Design the first nursing bonnet

- Publish first issue of "The Bonnet Quarterly"

- Live the remainder of my life, in bonnet, on the commune, where children and flowers flourish

- Death, buried in bonnet

The most comforting fact I have ever learned: anxiety can cause dementia-like symptoms. This explains so much in my life.

Stewed

Hmmm...picture rotation problems...

but I wanted to show the flowchart that got Christina and I through dinnerpolooza yesterday. Eight hours of cooking produced brie in croute, french onion soup, garlic mashed potatoes, bouef bourguignon, green beans, buttered peas and for dessert: Queen of Sheba cake with almond cream and strawberries. It was so much fun to cook with such extravagance and then to share it all with friends. There were ten of us in all, with Christina's GIANT Le Crueset pan as the shining star. More pictures to follow.

Christa's Celebration de la Chic

I have decided to start a new blog segment titled: Christa's Celebration de la Chic. The purpose of this segment is let you all in on the little "how-to" secrets of how I pull of this state of eternal awesomeness.

To pull of this lifestyle, you MUST stay up late working on crafts, so to stay in a constant state of befuddlement. Then bite off more than you an chew. I am currently in the midst of cooking extravaganza and helping with two parties with people I love. And I have to do my homework. And sleep. And craft. Woe's me, what a life, what a life. But now to business.

First, I will teach you how to open a bottle of wine.

Step 1: Insert archaic and ineffective wine opener around cork. Pull with all your might, revealing only a 1/4 inch of the cork. You will not be able to remove the cork any further.

Step 2: Cut off the visible cork with a knife. Repeat step 1.

Step 3: Shake the bottle up and down in hopes of shifting the cork a little bit more.

Step 4: Curse silently and then audibly. Repeat step 2. Repeat step 1. Repeat step 2. Repeat step 1. Repeat step 2.

Your wine bottle is now open. Carefully remove any shards of glass you may have grated off of the lip of the bottle. Proceed with drinking/cooking/serving.

Here are other tips from my Saturday morning projects:

Key Lime Pie:

To speed up the baking process, use a pre-fab graham crust from the store.

DON'T: Pre-cook crust as if you had made it from scratch, according to the directions. It will burn.

DO: Cover up the burnt crust with a thick layer of sweetened sour cream.

Sour Cream Pound Cake:

Add a little lemon zest to brighten the flavor and make this dessert a bit summery.

DON'T: Grate the part of the lemon with the sticker on it. This will add adhesive and plastic to your dessert.

DO: Carefully pick out the plastic bits to prevent poisoning of beloved guests.

Homemade summer dresses:

Whip up a quick dress to flounce about the fields and evoke images of Little House on the Prairie 70's summer style.

DON'T: Sew on back straps while they are twisted and not aligned*. Also, don't sew the back of the dress to the front.

DO: Re-do the straps, um, 6 times until they are correct.

*This step should only be attempted after straps are initially attached and worn out in public. You will find that you did such a poor job of fixing them to your dress that the slightest movement will cause them to release their tenuous hold and leave you vulnerable in your moment of need.

I tossed a lucky coin, that never came down

I blame my brother.

And my childhood dreams.

I love being on stage. I know, I know - you are shocked into silence by this daring confession. No, it wasn't my domination over all my friend's birthday parties, trying to choreograph our play time or the hundreds of plays I forced the Nam girls (bless them), siblings, family members, friends to act out with me, that brought this revelation to the forefront. It has been playing with my brother's band, finally (finally!!) being on a real stage that I discovered all my imaginings were rooted in reality, growing in the extroverted soil of my soul. I love to perform. Alas, it will end too soon but secretly I hope that while I am at nursing school Dan's band will skyrocket into stardom and I can tour with them, with my security career safely established. For now, I continue to scribble song lyrics no one will hear on scraps of paper no one will see (except my brother, he's a gem. I write brilliant lyrics but actually can't write a song. I am like a musical sous chef, the garnish to a songwriting souffle: I can adorn and assist but rarely comprise the true substance of a thing).

Next Charlotte Show: May 4th, Snug Harbor.

Peek of the Week

I have been wanting to do this a long time: participate in peek of the week. I have soooo many projects happening at a time but nary a camera in sight. This week, however, I managed to grab a few pictures (albeit poor pictures) of my latest project.

My dear friends Carman and Emmy are getting hitched. Emmy and Carman were fellow volunteers at La Puente back in the day and we all shared many an adventure and many a spaetzle together. There are so many wonderful things about these two people and simply not enough room to share it all, but to say they are

one of a kind. The wedding date is in August and the theme is rustic/barn/garden = awesome. Emmy asked me a few months ago if I thought I could replicate a vintage seed-packet for their invitations. I had never tried an art project (at least onet that people besides my mom and dad would see) of this type before and was a little nervous. But I am so pleased with how it turned out, if I do say so myself.

Today I have an unexpected day off. To make things even better, I actually woke up feeling refreshed. I also found the secret to fluffy, delicious whole wheat pancakes (3/4 cup whole wheat flour, 1 egg, 2 full teaspoons of baking powder, 2 Tablespoons of butter, 1/2 cup - ish rice milk until right texture, zest of 1/2 a lemon, a smattering of cardamom. The secret is less flour, more egg and more baking powder). Now I am sewing yellow flowers and planning a library trip. Maybe I will sit outside and read. Probably do some homework too.

Okay, we all know I am allergic to the world, something I keep trying to deny. But try as I might, I just can't ignore it any longer. But some new diet adjustments (ugh), acupuncture, and sleeping with socks on my hands (yes, like an infant) has finally made some improvements. Over the weekend, something triggered something and it looked like my hand had been burned. I was stumped. So I wrote an alternate version of reality. Ahem.

---

She had always had a spot on her right hand, a little patch of scaly skin. When she was younger, she remembered being surprised that everyone didn't have one. She would go from palm to palm looking for scales. That was before she learned to be embarrassed by it. Now she favored her left hand, keeping her right delicately hidden. Thankfully gloves were always in style and she was clever with her fingers, so she rarely need two hands for any task. Of course, everyone still knew she was different. Nobody forgot.

Things had remained the same for a long time. Except now, suddenly, they were different. The change happened when she was helping her mother at church. It was a Wednesday evening, right before the mid-week meeting. She was helping to prepare communion, a task that did require two hands and no gloves. At least, she always consoled herself, it could be done in private with just her mother present. As she pulled off her glove she let out a small gasp. "My word!" exclaimed her mother. The girl held out her hand, staring at is as if she had never seen it before. The one dry patch had spread all across her palm and up to the tip of each finger, a glaring red. She couldn't account for the change. She tested the movement of each of her fingers, which pulsed with their inner fire. "What did you do to yourself?" her mother growled, grabbing her arm and dragging her to the sink. The girl numbly allowed her hand to be drenched in cool water, but the pulsing remained. After a while her mother turned off the water and continued to stare at her hand. "Well, there is still work to be done and I can't have you helping with this..." She let her sentence hang in the open space. "Sit here until I return for you." The girl sank to a stool, now clutching her hand to her chest. It felt better there. The throbbing was less painful and more interesting.

She didn't know how much time had passed. The throbbing of her hand had entered her brain and lulled her into a daze. She stood and tried to shake it off, but to no avail. She went to the window and loosened the latch to open it, keeping her right hand tight against her. The air felt hot and dry, not offering an ounce of refreshment. She leaned further out onto the sill, hoping to catch any fragment of a breeze. Impulsively she held her pulsing hand out into the air, not caring who saw the glistening scales that had begun to form. She closed her eyes and she felt the heat embrace her hand and then the throbbing stopped. She opened her eyes and saw her hand was pressed up against the nose of ... a dragon. They gazed at each other for a moment as she noticed her hand matched the dragon's scales perfectly. Her foreign hand was finally resting someplace where it looked natural. As natural as it could look, touching a dragon that was cozied up to the church's back window.

Of course, her mother returned precisely at this moment. The girl was sure her mother's scream would echo in the heavens forever. She looked at her mother and then back at the dragon. Without any hesitation, she tucked up her skirt and climbed out the window, never lessoning her grasp on her dragon. She slid her hand onto its neck and vaulted herself onto its back. Her mother ran to the window with a small cry. The girl smiled back at her wistfully and then buried her head into the dragon's neck as it took flight. Together they soared over the church steeple and into the hot blue sky, where the girl finally belonged.

---

Okay, this story has nothing at all to do with my reality but I enjoy thinking that maybe a dragon will show up to make my day just that much more interesting.

Still haven't left the house...

Half Day

My Fridays are ambiguous. Sometimes I have to be at work, sometimes not. Sometimes I pretend to work and sometimes I really do work. And sometimes I lay in bed as long as possible to avoid the work I know I need to do. That is today. I probably woke at 8 but lay in bed reading until 10 (finished my book; it was good). Then breakfast (porridge with blackberries - I am truly eliminating the bad from my diet in hopes my hands will heal. So far so good) out on the porch swing, a new book, reading emails, and now blogging to avoid leaving the house. Soon I will jump up in a flurry of activity and run like a mad women to begin what should have begun long ago. Then I have to do alllllll of my homework (read 5 chapters, take a test on those chapters, read another chapter, take a quiz, write a short paper about food and exercise, read 3 more chapters) that I have been avoiding and then I fall into Saturday, with a sigh of relief. This Saturday I have marked on my calender, indelibly, as a craft day. I must finish my watercolors for Emmy and Carmen's wedding and, hopefully, make some sense out of the fabric madness that has encompassed my bedroom floor. I feel like these will be the last days of serious crafting for me as I head to nursing school and want to finish baby gifts, random projects, and all birthday, Christmas, and wedding gifts before June. Right. That being said I have already double booked myself with some frisbee and a possible picnic. Conundrum. There could be worse fates for a Saturday.

Awkward

I am at Amelie's finishing a paper, late at night. The seat I selected is hidden behind a curtain. On the other side of the curtain is a sofa. On the sofa sit two young lovers, who do not realize how close I am to their whispering heads. I am trying not to eavesdrop, but their ridiculousness is invading my homework space. Please, get a room.

I love to read, probably more that anything else. I cannot leave a library without feeling wonderful. This spring I have had the great pleasure to read many books, squeezing a chapter into every spare minute. Sometimes I feel bad that I don't read more high-minded books, that, you know, teach you things. But I have decided to take my own advice and own it. I love novels. I love a good story and it doesn't matter what form it comes in, I will devour it. My current reading pile includes Piratica, Piratica II, Dragonhaven, Chalice, (yes, all YA Fantasy) and one adult book called Shadow Tag. I just returned another Madeline L'Engle book (I have read four or five in the last month) and North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell, which was a marvelous read. I have a girl crush on Elizabeth Gaskell. It's going to be a good Saturday.

"The Wee Wonderfuls."

"The Weed Wonderfuls?" The librarian queried, raising her eyebrows at me.

"No, Wee, Weeee!" I responded emphatically. Her eyebrows rose higher, which I actually didn't think was possible.

"Hmmm." She was clearly questioning my sanity and my taste in literature. I already had a hefty tome, The Forgotten Arts & Crafts, clutched in my hands (what a find!), which did not improve my credibility as a non-crazy reader. We finally tracked down this new book, which is a book on doll making. Not creepy dolls - sweet patchwork dolls and cats and bears that are so lovely. I have been itching for the week to be over so I can get to my sewing machine. Today I arrived home from my exhausting week and immediately traced out 11 pages of patterns until I ran out of tracing paper (I have two more patterns I want to trace!). Now I must put these things aside and clean my house, which is disgusting, and do my homework, which is neglected, and sleep, because I am very tired. But soon (!) I will get to my patterns. You all will receive dolls, bears, or cats (or pillows, I like to make pillows too) from me for all birthdays, celebrations, and housewarming gifts. I know you are excited.

I am also sporting a great left-arm driving sunburn because I have logged about 325 miles in my car this week, driving to every single school in Mecklenburg County. I don't want to talk about it.

my debut with the sea wolf mutiny

The Sea Wolf Mutiny at the Evening Muse, Charlotte, 11 pm

Cover is $5

More here

I AM SO EXCITED!

How you live your days is how you live your life

This is a totally satisfying practice suitable for such a rainy day. I keep adding to this list and I find it affirming when I put something on there twice by accident, thus revealing how much I want to accomplish said task. Some things are silly, others far-fetched but all I propose to accomplish. I find perusing this list to be very motivating.

This is what I have so far:

learn Spanish / learn German / keep a garden/ learn to can/ play the ukulele/ own a typewriter/ learn to rock climb/ learn to dance (swing, tango, waltz, tap, etc)/ hike the App. Trail/ live a year (or more) in another country/ wear a homemade clothing/ make a pair of shoes/ make my own cheese/ write a novel (or two)/ illustrate my children’s book/ write a cookbook/ run a marathon/ build my own house/ build a green house/ build a tree house/ live without driving a car for a year (or more)/ be good/ buy land of my own/ write a song/ build a bed/ build a bookshelf/ reupholster something/ grow my hair out really really long/ have children (lots)/ paint all my walls the color of my soul/ wear flowers in my hair/ canoe from somewhere inland to the ocean/ explore an island/ learn to kayak/ design my own fabric/ make a short or a documentary/ play the electric cello/ go to nursing school/ do doctors without borders/ be a real citizen aka vote in an election and understand everything I am voting on/ visit the white house/ visit the Smithsonian museums/ go to Egypt and see the pyramids/ go to China/ make my own bread/ own goats/ compost and maybe even have worms/ be fearless/ roller derby!/ make ugly cakes filled with love/ jump out of a cake/ be in a musical/ write a musical/ dance in a field while wearing a white dress/ make my own wedding dress (get married?)/ learn yoga/ journal/ stop eating sugar/ do street art/ stencil/ climb the Himalayas/ go to India/ go to New Zealand/ learn the healing properties of herbs and plants/ tutor reading/ memorize and play a cello piece I am scared of/ master scales

Observation

It seems physically impossible for me to leave the house. I keep sitting here, my things are by the door, but I never quite make it. I have convinced myself that everything I need to do can wait....this spells trouble.

I'm awake

For the first time in like, what, 5? 6 weeks? I feel awake. Something in the pollen has shifted, Praise the Lord! So what am I doing today? Getting my crap in order, my sad, neglected, ignored crap. I am going down the list because I am awake and ready for nursing school. Can you hear me screaming? Oh, right, that's just in my head. I am a little worried about how all of this is going to come together, but come together it will. I have a list.

Recent Events:

- Christina got wed, completed with girly sleepovers, tree climbing, singing "Going to the Chapel", and blissful send-offs.

- I am reading every book Madeline L'Engle ever wrote.

- Dan's band is playing in Charlotte! April 1st, Evening Muse. I will be playing too! Come hear us kids!

I am having one of those days where my ability to make light of every situation and laugh at myself is failing. With each opening flower bud and each ray of sunshine, my state of health decreases. As the wicked witch of the west was destroyed by water, so I am being destroyed by spring.

Things I have done during the day seem like a dream when I remember them. And my real dreams mix up all of the things of my day in a wild and disturbing manner that I don't wish to recollect or relive. What could be so disturbing. I will introduce you to some of the cast of my dream last night: larvae. Need I say more?

Things are pretty.

Okay, so I just attempted my first Etsy treasury, mainly because I loved Jessa's onesie creation (see the first item). This was exhausting. I am sure I can find better ways to spend my time, but in the end I am quite pleased with the collection and aesthetic balance. Hooray for Mondays!

I don't want to jinx it, but I think my cough is almost gone. I have used only one cough drop today and have spent only 17.23 minutes in the act of coughing. I am afraid to do anything other than sleep and drink tea, for fear I will throw my body back into immune system havoc!

What is most ironic, I thought to myself as I stared through the locked door of my car at the car keys on the seat, is that 10 minutes ago I said aloud, What would make this day suck is if I lock my keys in my car. And then I did it, thus sealing the fate of my afternoon. Things that happened while locked out of my car:

- I played chicken with a hawk. I kid you not. This giant bird swoops down from the sky right toward me and I just stare at it. I am wondering, is it aiming for me or am I just in its way? Can it not see me? Where is this giant bird headed? And then, when I could see its talons, I ducked. Now I know I have a tendency towards hyperbole, but I am so telling the truth. Hawk Bird Vs. Christa. Hawk Bird won. I knew this once I found myself cowering under my bumper.

- A woman asked where I was from in Colorado and somehow, in our 6.15 minute conversation, I told her my entire life story. Not sure how that happened.

- I calculated how many times I locked myself out of places in the last 12 months: car - 5, apartment - 2, house I am babysitting at with kids inside - 1. I think I need to go to locksmith school.

- My ears are ringing. Because I have an ear infection, like a three year old. The doctor told me that my lasting illness is actually allergies. And then I got an ear infection. I am so so so tired.

- Locksmith shows up and tells me his life story, with dramatic hand gestures, while I look at my watch because its time to pick up the baby from Spanish. Apparently a psychic, who he opened (unlocked) a door for, was phone stalking him. And, you know, he likes thick girls but not THICK girls (this is the first thing he tells me. my question: who are you and why aren't you opening my car?) so, he is going to have her number blocked. And she won't stop calling him (I have to pick up a toddler in 3 minutes). Finally I tell him I have to go pick up my little girl (the church is in walking distance) and I go get Emmy and we have a lovely walk while he finishes breaking into my car. Which, if you ever wondered, Subarus are hard to break into.

A hint of greater things.

Listening to my bro and his fellow band member, Bobby, play some music on this here podcast.

Driving home I see those flooded fields How can people not know what beauty this is I've taken it for granted my whole life Since the day I was born

This Valentines week I couldn't help but think how lucky and loved I am. I am so blessed with lovely, lovely people in my life. I have entered a season of such contentment and peace in knowing who I am and a little bit of where I am going. This is the great thing about growing up, for all of its bumps and falls. Sometimes I am so filled with joy, for no outwardly obvious reason, that I feel that rainbows will shoot from my fingertips. By asking the questions I have avoided out of fear, I have found sweet answers and affirmations that shatter the lies that I let live in my heart.

This week deserves celebration for the great folks that were born into it, Tiffany and my bro, Dan. Birthdays can sometimes have a tinny quality to them, echoing as we try to fill them with all the things we want to share and show people, the things we want to say, and the longing to feel our worth. But I hope these dear friends feel the weight of their importance to the people around them, in a it's-a-wonderful-life-other-wordly-experience way, if necessary. I have the hook up with some angels if ya'll need some Clarence love (that's his name right? the angel that needs to earn his wings). I love you guys!

I've been accepted to Johns Hopkins, she said in a whisper that couldn't contain her hope, excitement, and glee.

I make a lot of mistakes. Lots. In the past each one would be seared into my memory and I would relive them, painstaking detail by painstaking detail. That time I broke something. Or that time I said something embarrassing. Or my entire year of 6th grade. Then I learned to laugh at myself. It takes a little practice, but now I am really good at it. Really good. So now I am learning to handle my EPIC mistakes with grace. The ones where lots of people know you messed up, not just the lady you spilled coffee on. The one where you organized an event, invited 100 people, and then put the wrong address on the flier and didn't realize it until your boss calls you, lost and 30 minutes late to the function he is hosting. Right. Epic. But guess what. I slept really well and only spent 1 hour of my day groaning (I knew I needed to stop when the little girl I babysit started mimicking my guttural and heart wrenching "Oh my goooooossh" moans that would spontaneously spew forth). And now I am preparing to go into the office and face my consequences (which I am sure include a bucket of hot oil, maybe some tar and feathers). Things I will do: apologize, not make that mistake again, see what I can do to fix things, resign if necessary (the knowledge I could quit at any time makes everything in life more bearable). Things I will NOT do: Talk meanly to myself in my head.

The ironic thing is yesterday morning, before the revelation of my flier debacle, I was so sure of myself and like, dude, I am so on top of things today. My list was checked off, the work was done, things were good. Bum, bum, buuuuuuuummmmmm. Cue the flier and the laugh track.

I can steal this minute and this minute and this minute and no one will know that I took them all for myself, because I didn't want to share. These minutes are for sitting, thinking, watching the sun, and feeling safe. And I am keeping them.

DIY

How to freak out your online discussion group: Talk about new mother's eating their placentas. No one will respond to my post. I dominate! My virtual classmates cower in the presence of my boldness and are left virtually speechless. Bwahahahaha! Put that in your psychological development pipe and smoke it.

Addendum

This week I also got to experience behind the scenes school stuff. This sends a thrill through me similar to the joy produced by walking in churches barefoot after hours or hearing my shoes echo as I walk down shiny hallways. There is a location, called School Supply, where all the mail for all the schools is sorted. Each school has its own slot and I got to sort out hundreds of packages into those slots. Thrilling! This is also where all the buses sleep and lie in wait for each school day.

The good Lord gave me peaches and the good Lord gave me bread

Today has not gone as planned.

1. I slept an extra hour (Inside my head: GO! GO! GO! GO! Outside my head: Mesljdospahdnononowakeupyetsldjkd)

2. Got Lost in Huntersville. Well, I knew where I was but not where the school I needed to find was. I have had savant-like navigational success this week (with some assistance from me dad), using a map like I was born with one in hand. GPS, not needed thanks, I am going to triangulate this old school style. Using a road trip phrase gleaned from Ethan, my map buddy, I was going to "feel my way" to all my locations. This worked for the past 20 schools. Not this morning. 2 Hours of random driving, witnessing car accidents, and getting stuck behind funeral processions, I decided to cut my losses and head to task two of the day: photo copies at the office.

3. No One Was at the Office. And the door was locked. And I can't get my parking ticket validated. So I leave, losing two dollars for a 10 minute stop, 45 minutes of driving, and no photo copies.

4. At Panera. Getting directions and drinking coffee I shouldn't drink and eating a free bagel I shouldn't eat (That's right girls, my confession). Recently swearing, AGAIN, to give up wheat lasted, oh, four days. My bagel was delicious. Why give up wheat, you ask? Well. My wellness plan for fighting illness this week (I have been sick all week, in addition to other chaos. The toddler I watch says, Christa I have something for you. I reach out my hand, what? Something from my nose, she replies, as she wipes a booger in my hand. Ah. Thank you.) included huge amounts of vegetable and fruit juice. I feel much better AND my eczema on my hand, which has been lingering forever, is clearing up magically. Coincidence? I think not. Dear Panera, stop giving me free food. Dear Self, grow a pair.

5. Today I want to stretch out in the sun (or in my bed), read books and let my mind empty of snot and thoughts (haha, that was going to be more poetic but I couldn't avoid adding the snot. Such a good word and very similar to our new positive adjective, SMAOT - which is hot and smart combined. The A is silent).

6. Before this week I had never used Vics Vapor Rub. And its magical. It always kind of freaked me out, but as I was rummaging through cabinets looking for anything cold relief oriented, I found the little blue jar. I'm telling you, magic. If you are feeling the smallest bit poorish, wrap up in blankets in your bed, smear this on your chest while snuggling a heating pad. Miraculous sleep will result.

7. The Last Thing Impeding Productivity: I am blogging at Panera. Must Go Back To Work.

In My Head

Flighty Christa (FC): I love these cute and very cheap little houses in Columbia. I should move down here. Then I could also play in my brother's band all the time (because I love it) and I could have a cute little house all of my own.

Grounded Christa (GC): That's silly. You are going to nursing school.

FC: There is a school there.

GC: You would have to be a transfer student, it would take longer and cost more to complete your degree.

FC: Well, I could get a job as a CNA while I go to school, so that would help and the pace would be slower, so I could sleep more. AND THE BAND IS HERE.

GC: Right, you just got your CNA liscense in NC, not SC. And you can't plan your life around a band. End of discussion.

FC: Cute cheap houses, good thrift stores, and garden potential.

GC: High crime rate, low job rate, you're a fool.

FC: I like crafts.

GC: I know.

Has anyone seen the latest 30 rock? Does anyone read my blog? They were song fighting people, song fighting. Put that on my to do list.

I am going to fail my online classes, because I open my computer and suddenly I am watching my favorite TV shows. Odd, isn't it?

Its exhausting being me. I am a walking disaster. Today: I accidentally fed all my checks into the ATM at once instead of one at a time, thus my total deposit was 20 bucks instead of 180. Had to ask the bank people to open the ATM. Yep.

I have a new white cardigan that I LOVE. love. So I wear it as little as possible. Otherwise, I will destroy it. I will put it on just as I walk out the door and I am not allowed to eat in it or use ink pens. or pencils. or paint. And as soon as I get home I take it off and put on my "home cardigan" which has holes and is ugly and is indestructible.

Taken by storm

Random Thoughts This Morning:

I have neglected my online classes for 4 days and missed assignments. Oops.

My house is incredibly clean.

I was singing old MacDonald with the kiddo and I paused to let her fill in the animal when she shouted "Camel!" looking at me expectantly to provide the necessary sound. Uh, what does a camel say?

I started a new job and I am terrified. Working from home makes me feel like I always need to be working, but this position is dependent on other people.

I need printer paper and some coffee.

I am going to make egg rolls for dinner. Maybe. I love egg rolls.

I am ready for my next transition into nursing school. Online classes and working from home makes me 1. Feel like a recluse and 2. Feel oddly unanchored to a schedule. I have been doing these new things for less than a week, so I suppose I will adjust. I had a thought last night that I need to practice learning. Its easy to pretend to read and then cram right before a test, but where will that get me in the long run. I actually have to practice discipline, think about the material as I read it, digest it, think about it, enjoy it, learn it. I figure I better practice now with these psychologies before I get to the real stuff. I am feeling very lethargic in general, so I am hoping a second wind will come my way and provide needed inspiration for activity. Otherwise, I think I am heading to the library or some non-home place so that the things to do will actually get done.