Christa's Celebration de la Chic

I have decided to start a new blog segment titled: Christa's Celebration de la Chic. The purpose of this segment is let you all in on the little "how-to" secrets of how I pull of this state of eternal awesomeness.

To pull of this lifestyle, you MUST stay up late working on crafts, so to stay in a constant state of befuddlement. Then bite off more than you an chew. I am currently in the midst of cooking extravaganza and helping with two parties with people I love. And I have to do my homework. And sleep. And craft. Woe's me, what a life, what a life. But now to business.

First, I will teach you how to open a bottle of wine.

Step 1: Insert archaic and ineffective wine opener around cork. Pull with all your might, revealing only a 1/4 inch of the cork. You will not be able to remove the cork any further.

Step 2: Cut off the visible cork with a knife. Repeat step 1.

Step 3: Shake the bottle up and down in hopes of shifting the cork a little bit more.

Step 4: Curse silently and then audibly. Repeat step 2. Repeat step 1. Repeat step 2. Repeat step 1. Repeat step 2.

Your wine bottle is now open. Carefully remove any shards of glass you may have grated off of the lip of the bottle. Proceed with drinking/cooking/serving.

Here are other tips from my Saturday morning projects:

Key Lime Pie:

To speed up the baking process, use a pre-fab graham crust from the store.

DON'T: Pre-cook crust as if you had made it from scratch, according to the directions. It will burn.

DO: Cover up the burnt crust with a thick layer of sweetened sour cream.

Sour Cream Pound Cake:

Add a little lemon zest to brighten the flavor and make this dessert a bit summery.

DON'T: Grate the part of the lemon with the sticker on it. This will add adhesive and plastic to your dessert.

DO: Carefully pick out the plastic bits to prevent poisoning of beloved guests.

Homemade summer dresses:

Whip up a quick dress to flounce about the fields and evoke images of Little House on the Prairie 70's summer style.

DON'T: Sew on back straps while they are twisted and not aligned*. Also, don't sew the back of the dress to the front.

DO: Re-do the straps, um, 6 times until they are correct.

*This step should only be attempted after straps are initially attached and worn out in public. You will find that you did such a poor job of fixing them to your dress that the slightest movement will cause them to release their tenuous hold and leave you vulnerable in your moment of need.