i have not written in a while, partly due to my crazy schedule (i will have at least 24 hours of comp time from working that shall never be redeemed) and partly to my high level of anxiety about this next life transition that i cannot seem to shake. well, i am better, i can actually breathe now. i was talking to a co-volunteer about this anxiety and we came to the conclusion that seeing so many people at the shelter who cannot seem to make things work, who have no support network, who have seen failure after failure until there is no hope left can skew your perspective a bit. and than i remembered that i am not alone and for that i am very very thankful.

we have our big final concert in a few days and i am freaked out. i think that also has something to do with a viewing of a documentary that a local yokel made...it's called 'everyone but you: a documentary about being an independent artist/ musician/ failure' i don't know why but it just made me feel down.

oh well. i am especially bummed because we collectively just wrote a new song that is my FAVORITE we have done so far and it won't be ready for its debut aka it won't be debuted ever because rachel's going to india and i cannot play the piano. but we do have four originals to play, so thats exciting---my main role is as lyricist in the creative process. anyway-one of the songs i wrote by myself and am continually fighting my sheepish feelings at its, well, i don't know what. but i do know i really do like, no matter what anyone else says, so there!

i feel like a marathoner dragging myself toward the finish line that is still some distance away. at this rate they are not going to make me miss alamosa at all! except for the people i love here...
good news about today: only two hours in the office and the rest of the day with harry.

i am really excited about networking

a woman in my work group lives in boulder and....has friends...who run a CSA (community supported agriculture) farm! and i had been looking for one in my area and hadn't found one....and there it is--my local (ish) csa. so fresh vegetables, raw milk, and eggs are in my near, forseeable future...that means my own cheese and yogurt can be made. and i can go volunteer and learn on a farm!! so i can have my own!!

http://www.conservapedia.com/Main_Page

i mean, really?

Success
To laugh ofetn and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others;
to leave the world a better place,
whether by a healthy child
a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

-attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson
more likely by Bessie Stanley, 1904

this week i had a dream where i was at the ocean and could not escape the huge waves that were coming toward me. this was the first dream i have had of waves since college, where almost every week i would dream of terrifying waves or my teeth falling out. i think it means i am overwhelmed. today i slept in until 9, ate breakfast, and then took a nap, rolling into the office at 1 in the afternoon. lovely.

i have groups consecutively until i leave but allison is going to help me out.

and rachel is bequeathing to me her free massage tomorrow :) hooray!

and now i shall go back to bed.

we have a mouse in our house. yes, for real. and it didn't really bother me until i saw that the clever little monster managed to get into a drawer and chew up my favorite wooden spoon. oh, it is on now little mouse. you do not eat my cooking spoons, no sir. you better watch those pretty paws of yours because today i am putting out the traps.

last night i had an impromptu dinner party. like shawna said, its nice to eat fancy food but still be able to eat with your fingers. i will tell you what we had because i am shamefully proud of myself. stuffed artichoke, shrimp and grits, green beans, baked pears with carmel sauce. simple but so yummy.

keirsa and i just finished a 12 hour baking marathon. thats right 12 hours, for Allison's wedding tomorrow.

5 chocolate pear cakes
6 lemon lavender cakes
2 chocolate raspberry tarts
2 choclate cherry tarts
1 mixed berry tart
55 lavender cupcakes

12 hours.

here are the non-scary pics. to get to our base camp of lake como we had to hike about five miles up an atrocious jeep road, so lots of rocks and little shade. but the lake was gorgeous. the mountain you can see above lake como is little bear, blanca is just around the corner.

the ascent of mount doom...

well it wasn't really mount doom but there really were times i thought i was on the verge of blinking out of exisitence on this last hiking excursion. Emmy, Sam, Shawna, and I hiked up to mt. Blanca, the local fourteener (In mountaineering terminology in the United States, a fourteener is a mountain that exceeds 14,000 feet (4,267.2 m) above mean sea level. The importance of fourteeners is greatest in Colorado, which has the majority of such peaks in North America. Climbing all of Colorado's fourteeners is a popular pastime among peak baggers. wikipedia)Mt Blanca is the 4th highest mountain in Colorado at 14, 345 feet . And the third and scariest fourteener I have ever climbed. We are talking bouldering along a steep basin wall, don't look down and don't look up, but cling to the rock oh heavens am i there yet scary. i don't have a lot of pics from the top but have some from the first half of our hike so i posted some of the ones we used as our map... i love how easy the little blue line makes it look, la di da, just walk along here, boop boop boop, here we go... meanwhile i was trying not to throw up.

while i am doing links....

katherine sent this to me...and it is exactly how i feel



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM

check out my mom at her cool conference!
http://www.lindau-nobel.de/content/section/2/17/
go to live feed, click on opening ceremonies and you get a scan of mom at about a minute and 48 seconds. woot woot! (she is in polka dots)