Can of Worms

i have not written in a while, partly due to my crazy schedule (i will have at least 24 hours of comp time from working that shall never be redeemed) and partly to my high level of anxiety about this next life transition that i cannot seem to shake. well, i am better, i can actually breathe now. i was talking to a co-volunteer about this anxiety and we came to the conclusion that seeing so many people at the shelter who cannot seem to make things work, who have no support network, who have seen failure after failure until there is no hope left can skew your perspective a bit. and than i remembered that i am not alone and for that i am very very thankful.

we have our big final concert in a few days and i am freaked out. i think that also has something to do with a viewing of a documentary that a local yokel made...it's called 'everyone but you: a documentary about being an independent artist/ musician/ failure' i don't know why but it just made me feel down.

oh well. i am especially bummed because we collectively just wrote a new song that is my FAVORITE we have done so far and it won't be ready for its debut aka it won't be debuted ever because rachel's going to india and i cannot play the piano. but we do have four originals to play, so thats exciting---my main role is as lyricist in the creative process. anyway-one of the songs i wrote by myself and am continually fighting my sheepish feelings at its, well, i don't know what. but i do know i really do like, no matter what anyone else says, so there!

i feel like a marathoner dragging myself toward the finish line that is still some distance away. at this rate they are not going to make me miss alamosa at all! except for the people i love here...
good news about today: only two hours in the office and the rest of the day with harry.