today i did my hair in my new favorite hairdo (aka i have ten minutes to get ready and get to a meeting. Coffee Please!!) I don't have my camera otherwise I would have a visual to give you...but it consists of two nubbins on the back of my head and my scarf from prague wrapped around my head several times. yes! I am a twenty-two year old with the hair-do of a toddler. Let your inner child out to play once in a while, i say. Ahem...i would also like to announce my first successful batch of bread in the mountains, there is a lovely loaf of bread on my counter right now. woo hoo! And my Dad will be here soon! Jubilation! Today I was reminded of something Becca commented on, that I leap out of beds in the morning. It is true. Today I lept out of bed and hit the floor running. okay bye.

There is a bee trapped in the window beside me. He keeps buzzing around and colliding with the neon 'open' sign that is housed in the same window. If the bee could read he would be very confused.



Yesterday Shawna, Emmy, Alex, Angelina, and I took an impromptu hiking trip up to Zapata Falls. It was more of a nice walk than hiking, but I felt very adventurous since we opted to walk up the stream bed rather than take the trail. We leaped from slippery boulder to slippery boulder, defying death in order to view the falls inclosed within tall rock walls (or rather, we easily hopped from stone to stone, occasionally getting our feet damp). It was lovely and lots of fun. The view of the surrounding snow-capped mountains was breath taking and you could see all across the valley.













Every time I get on the computer I have the same routine, I check my e-mail and then go through all the blogs of the people I know, in alphabetical order. Then I attempt to write my own blog, but usually by the time I get to my own blog I just miss everyone so much I am throwing myself my own personal pity party. Lately I have admired everyone's ability to express their emotions so well via blog, I myself am an extremely self-conscious blogger (unless I am feeling particularly witty) and find the process of decoding my mind too tedious and all too revealing a process for me to willingly undergo. However, I know from past experience, that if I fail to undertake the decoding process then I will spontaneously implode, stunning innocent bystanders with the sticky emotional goo that results from a rupture of my soul. So, how is my soul? Still processing lessons from the summer, still undergoing to reworking of my heart that will never be complete (a simultaneously comforting and disconcerting thought), still uncertain of many things. Weary of being on guard but unsure how to be more open. I think I am bad at being open because I do not like feeling weak or acknowledging my weakness. bu this is all old news, just reocurring. My spirit is constantly undergoing flashbacks and regressions. I have the emotional and relational maturity of a third grader.



The bee is still stuck in the window.

As many of you know I am very good at coming up with large-scale plans and dreams for myself, that I have at least five potential life scenarios running in my head at one time. All that to say I have composed a list of things I want to accomplish. I know I have done this before, but I think this list is shorter than the last (due to memory loss rather than accomplishment of items on the list) ahem...

Things I Would Like To Do:
Learn to Tango and Waltz
Memorize and Perform a Cello Concerto (in front of actual people)
Hike the Appalachian and Colorado Trails (in one go)
Get a Masters Degree (in something...)
Learn Arabic, French, German, and master Spanish (dare I add a slovic language?)
Milk a Cow
Run a Marathon
Canoe the Entire Length of a River (river unspecified)
Rock Climb a Big Rock a.k.a Mountain
Dye My Hair an Outrageous Shade of Red
Learn Guitar
Play Chamber Music
Write A Short Story
Make a Big Quilt
Live Alone in a Big City
Live Overseas
Be in a Band
Ride an Elephant
Master English Grammar
Make a Movie/ Doumentary
Master Bread Making
Learn to Ride a Horse (aka be a cowgirl)
Build a Treehouse
Go on a Safari
Camp in the Bush
Explore the Amazon
Travel To: Spain, Turkey, Thailand, Chile, Egypt, New Zealand(with Dan), Africa, Russia, Czech Republic (of course!), Germany, Denmark, Scotland, Iceland, Romania, Sweden, Bangledesh, Bulgaria, Iraq, Israel, and India.


Thats all I have for now...

I look online and see pictures and read blogs of people but (obviously) these electronic communications can not even come close to replacing a person’s voice or presence; in fact, they almost make the separation from these beloved people worse, its as if I keep running after shadows, trying to embrace them, and continually return to myself empty handed, with only a greater longing to hold something, someone real.

I am trying to research my life plan and I am reminded of a great line from a great woman; “God is continually tying my linear life plan into knots” True Story. What shall I do next? I feel like I can do anything I want but I don’t know if everyone else knows that.

i have not written for a while but do not have much to say really. As is always true, the same patterns and concerns of my life have not dissipated but followed me to Alamosa, so here I am, still trying to figure out what and who I am.

there are two people at the table next to me, clearly 'meeting for coffee' aka first-ish date. Needless to say there is much giggling on the girl's part and guaffing on the boy's, but the highly amusing part of this scenario is that they are both wearing the EXACT same shade of neony, bright, bright blue. ah, a couple made in heaven.

The day after my last post a man came into the office, a man that has lived in the shelter before but found his own housing and is working on a job. He had been having a garage sale that morning to raise some money to pay his rent. In the middle of his sale his landlady came up with her daughter and started hauling his stuff back inside the garage. When he asked what she was doing, she replied that he didn't need to sell his stuff, not to worry about the rent, that he would have a home as long as he needed it. She then gave him a check for five hundred dollars and told him not to worry about paying her back, that he would pay her back by showing kindness to another when he was able. As he was telling his story, he broke down in tears. so for each hard thing here, there seems to be a good one.

I went to santa fe with some friends this weekend, it was fun, we mainly just goofed around and window shopped.



Shawna shows us whats she's made of...





Joelle acts cool and aloof...like a rock star...



Keirsa, Joelle, and Shanna


grrrrrr...

So yesterday a man who had worked and lived at the shelter died. He had been sober and employed by la puente for eight months when he fell of the wagon so to speak, the director fired him for drinking on the job, though still payed his rent to help get through this rough patch. To no avail, for he passed away of liver failure yesterday morning. Another worker and I went to pick up the woman who was drinking with him when he died, cause she was a mess and we were afraid she would drink herself into oblivion. I was sitting in the back with her as she rcounted his death over and over again and the reaction of his family, which was to storm the house moments after they had heard he was dead and ransack it for belongings, even digging through his wallet for what cash he had. I have no words to describe how sad the whole situation is, the lack of hope, the habits and addictions hard to break that drive people into this cycle. Exactly a year and a day ago another member of 'the crew' died from too much alcohol. Who knows who will be next, for those mourning for this most recent death are yet again drowning their grief at the bar.