i had something funny to say but i cannot remember what it was. oh well. i like costumes and such but i think halloween is only fun if you have cute little kids in plush costumes to tote around. Only a few trick or treaters came to our house and the majority of them were teenagers in "costumes." Costume prize goes to a little boy in a dragon costume- so sweet!

I think I am going to start taking some road trips. suggestions on destinations will be accepted, i think my first trip will be to the grand canyon. or maryland.

an addendum to the previous post: i am single and ready to mingle.

so on tuesdays and fridays at borders they have a story time and lots of cute little kids come in to hear awesome stories. Well, today we had a halloween party instead, so borders was full of thirty some-odd kids in halloween costumes (my fav. was a little boy in a giraff costume) running around like crazy. it was fun. I wore my cape, though i think that leaves me open to eternal mocking from my co-workers who are less enthusiastic about kids, games, and costumes than i. good times.

favorite book title of the day:
"if men are buses, how do i catch one?" and its sequel, "If singleness is a gift, what is the return policy?" I found this especially amusing because these books were in the christian relationships section. I am hoping the author was speaking tongue-in-cheek. (In no way read my interest in these titles indications that I wanted to read them or i am desperately seeking to wrangle myself a beau, bus, or anything else of that sort.)

Also, I am developing the bad habit of reading the backs of all the books i shelve. they all look so interesting. it could become a problem.

My job is sweet. I go to work, clock in and then focus on one task, putting books on shelves. It may sound boring, but I like reading all the book titles and thinking about the people who wrote the books. I like seeing how many books they have written as I put it on the shelf, is this their first or their 34th? If they have written lots of books, why? Are they a series or did they just corner a certain reading population that cannot do without their novels. Because really, how many obscure sci-fi series are there, or how many really cheesy romance novels are there? And why do people read these books? To become well-read? Entertainment? Escape? I also like to think about who will get the particular book I am shelving, or how many people have picked up this book and put it back down again. So thats what I do for eight hours, talk to people about good books, shelve good books, and think about good books. well, some bad books too.

One more thought about books. Oprah's newest book club selection "a million little pieces" cannot be found anywhere--we have gone through two huge orders in our store and now the distributor does not have any more left! they are flying off the shelves. Now, when oprah recommends a normal, average girly book, they are in demand, but not crazy hard to find. But not only is this book a book club selection, it is actually really good. (I read it, and though I am anti-Oprah book club bandwagonite, it really was very good). All this to say I marvel at the power of amazing advertising and good literature. And the fact that this book was published two years ago! How many other incredible books are out there and no one knows about them? I am going to hunt them all down ;)

I also really want to write a book. I will, I think. The kids I am currently babysitting, Haywood, Hallsey, and Hamilton, they are obsessed with the stories I tell them and who could be a better judge of literary and creative genius than little children with strange names. Hamilton is also the name of my stuffed corduroy alligator, not to be confused with Giles the corduroy elephant.

I can be quite verbose, but writing really is soothing. I am going to think of something really exciting to do to make tomorrow different. I'll get back to you when I figure out what that exciting thing is.

blog entry number five...I think. But who is counting.

Okay. So this is what I have gone through in the past couple of months. My summer was crazy, full of self-doubt and stress, as well as lots of challenges, beautiful kids, and great co-workers--a wonderful experience but little time to think. Then came September. Suddenly super busy has transformed into lots of free time, lots of free time with no people to spend it with. So lately I have been having a rough time of it, questioning God's intentions, grumbling a lot, and feeling sorry for myself. But this week I had a reaffirming of faith. I had an emotional breakdown, feeling so overwhelmed by life in general, and I read from Hebrews in desperation for some hope. And I received hope in abundance!! How patient the Lord is when we doubt and how sweet is his grace when we accept it! I am not a great writer or eloquent but I hope I can share how God has changed my heart in the past few days. Hebrews talks of a better covenant to be received in Jesus, who is constantly sitting by the throne of God, intercessing on our behalf. The author encourages us to press on, to cast of the temptations of sin, and to press on in the light of trials. He also reminds his audience that our hope is in a perfect city, in heaven, where we will truly know God. I feel like I am talking on and on, but I have flipped 180 from where I was at the beginning of the week. For the first time in months I am content and at peace! And though I know that may be temporary, I may loose sight of this hope again tomorrow and feel grumpy and lonely, God is faithful and his promises remain the same! And as his daughter I will never be forsaken by Him, he will continually call me back to his arms, to renew my heart and teach of true joy!

amen!

other reasons today was great:
I hung out with Christina, who is the sister I never had-
We baked 8 loaves of bread and 2 pans of cinnamon rolls, I held her month old baby sis, we took a long walk in the beautiful fall weather
I had a white chocolate mocha, yum yum
I hung out with Emily Mauney, who is a true blessing to me!
Had a break from the alphabet

what does it take to get in the circle of trust? that is one of those questions you will never really know the answer to.

um, so yeah. i think i know why i never keep up with any blogs.
1. i try to hard to sound brilliant and just sound stupid, though motives are sincere.
2. i think too much about what people might think as they are reading what i write, though no one ever reads it because i am too self-concious to give the link to anyone.
3. people will just see how silly my day to day thoughts are.

when i was little, I had a diary with a picture of a beach on the front and a leetle bity key that could lock and unlock it. Whenever I would write in it I would imagine that someone would read it, like anne frank. its a curse.

like brothers.

Look how good i am doing. post number two. tonight i played with my brothers band at the battle of the bands concert. they won last year and so this was the 'returning' band performance or something of that sort. and it was fantastic!! i loved playing, the rush of being on stage, of focusing and not choking (not literally, i wasn't eating, just afraid of suddenly forgetting where a g# was or something like that), and i really enjoyed sharing the moment with my brother. I don't really know where the balance is for a healthy ego boost and narcisstic self-adoration, but it was great to see how things came together, and though my part was small, just backup and a couple of scale licks, it sounded really good (or so i am told because i couldn't hear myself). All this leads me to say I want to start a band. there is something so intoxicating about being able to express yourself through music, whether through words or just a beautiful line of melody. So i guess i don't really want a band, though i love the idea of a collaborative group being able to combine all their talents and ideas to produce a finished piece, i just want to play.

This is my, um, third blog attempt. I think there are several things that indicate maturity and adult-ness in an individual. Really, adult-ness is indicated by any activity you are able to carry out in a consistant basis. like flossing. or...blogging.

i am going to only post pictures i think, to save myself the embarrasment of realizing i have nothing to say. i just need to get a camera.