Can of Worms

I noticed at the library lately I have been running into a lot of people. Literally, bodies smashing together inconveniently as I try to accomplish the already impossible task of walking while holding things. "Oh Christa," I say to myself while rolling my eyes, "you are so clumsy!" Then this morning it happened again and I finally realized the reason: I have been walking out the entrance door rather than the exit door (This library, apparently, has two very separate, very well marked doors, one for entering and one for exiting). Got it. Not clumsy, stupid. Check.

I have been very stressed lately about getting financial aid in order for school, especially since I will be borrowing a preposterous amount of money. I have never done loans like this before and I hate doing things I don't know how to do (hearken back to Christa learning to drive, Christa learning physics, and Christa buying a car). But finally I broke down and asked some questions. You have to pity to Johns Hopkins financial aid office, because they probably have hundreds of type A, anxiety ridden, over-achievers calling them daily. The lady I spoke with exclaimed, "What did they send you students in the mail? Everyone is FREAKING OUT. Honey, you are doing a great job. Everything will be fine. We will wait for the money and you will be able to register for classes." A nice little pep talk, I thought. I have discovered that 75% of my anxiety is self-created. Not to belittle the power of this anxiety, because when it strikes it is like a lightening bolt to the brain that sucks all of the wind from your lungs and laughs as it begins to eat your heart while you watch helplessly. But...a little perspective goes a long, long way. Also, my mom was in town this weekend, a balm to my soul.