it snowed. like, there was a blizzard. Eric saved me by taking me up the mountain in the jeep. Holler. Nothing better than being snowed in.

It is supposed to snow feet tonight. FEET. It better.

I have had a revelation. I have recently decided to do only one thing at a time (when at home, work requires 5 activities at once to get anything done). I realized that I have been walking around looking and asking for peace and quiet and calm while simultaneously cranking on the tv, turning up the radio, grabbing a book to fill the void as I cook dinner, drive to work, run my errands. If I fill my day with meaningless noise I suppose I don't have to listen to my own, possibly frightening, thoughts. Or maybe I have been afraid if I do just one thing at a time I will miss out on something or find that my free time has disappeared without anything satisfying occurring. So I grab at anything and fill every moment with STUFF and THINGS. but after a quiet weekend of doing exactly what I want, one thing at a time (this means sewing, deconstructing a dresser, more sewing, brunch with a dear friend, cooking with intention, parks, books in coffee shops where I only drink flowery tea) I discovered - My mind isn't such a scary place after all and quiet brings the satisfaction I been looking for. Shocking, I know.

It is way way too late and I must go to bed (any hour after 8 is automatically deemed way way too late). I just finished reading another fabulous Margaret Atwood book (The Edible Woman). I wish I was as smart and articulate as she...I love stories.

I went to an estate sale and bought a shadow box, dresser, and nightstand for 12 bucks. This weekend: nails and paint and creation.

I have been deliciously productive today. I finished everything on my list. Amazing. I like my errands to be circular and make sense in their orderly execution. Thankfully today there was no extra driving, everything was in its order and succinctly accomplished.

I feel the need to settle into myself and sit and be quiet for a very long time. I don't know if that will happen but I am trying not to fight this instinct, which is very easy to do.

I am currently watching "The Age of Innocence"- picked up from the library because it is directed by Martin Scorsese, is a period film, and has Daniel Day-Lewis in it. It is very interestingly done...I am not sure if I like it or not...I think I would like the book.

Amy and I currently snug in the corner of the computer room at her conservatory after a long day of walking, shopping, and EATING! It all started with the Market Street Farmers market, which I have always wanted to go to. Nestled along the wharf, it has a great view of the ocean and tons of fabulous organic goodies. Um, I love San Francisco. It is like my food mecca. Yesterday Amy took me to an organic restaurant called Cafe Gratitude, which offered vegan raw cuisine that tantalized your taste buds (okay, Amy was a little freaked out, but it was pretty much like my own kitchen). The best part is that this restaurant totally took itself too seriously (Question of the day: What are you celebrating? I ordered "I am graceful" and "I am healthy" - a more conscious eating experience you will never find)but was delicious. So this morning- farmer's market, where we walked through the aisle and I could not spend my money fast enough on raw honey, produce, vegan soup (called Butternut love soup, yes please), vegan smoothies, and what not. Like a kid on Christmas, Amy had to hold me back from pouncing on the farmers, begging for jobs, taking pictures of their confused faces. I want a farm!!!! Amy will have to be my proxy and return weekly to get veggie love. Our purses are stuffed with produce for supper.

Our meanderings then took us to the fisherman's wharf for sourdough bread (more please!) and then walking to Coit tower, China Town, Union Square (Amy endured me drooling on every corner of H and M), and now to rest at conservatory before we continue on our trek.

Other highlights: the beach (duh!), de Young Museum with Andy Warhol and Yves Saint- Laurent collection (pop culture!), Beethoven 7th Symphony, naps, people watching, men in kilts (st. patrick's day), Twilight (yes, Amy is reading them), sunny days in San Francisco. I am so moving here.

Amy says hi.

I am sick. And nothing is worse than being sick while working at a Health Center. I have taken the morning off to recover.

News Updates:

I joined the church choir, fun.

Christopher Moore continues to be my favorite author. With each additional book I read I laugh more and more.

My seedlings are sprouting!

I got to see Emmy and Carmen from Americorp- great to see them and reminisce over the days of yore.

I am watching P and P, curled up in a blanket with a hot beverage, willing away the germs. I will not succumb.

I rescued a dog this weekend, an ancient black poodle, who was deaf and going blind. The second night when I went to bed he would cry and yelp until I came back. After checking on him a dozen times I finally dragged my blanket and pillow to the couch to sleep (I wouldn't let him in my bed, fresh puppy). He was fine the rest of the night, as long as he could keep me in his sights. Needy but sweet. (I found his owner after a wild goose chase and he is now back home where he belongs)

I am going to see Amy! I must get better!

there has got to be something more to life than try, try, try....

name that tune

This Week:

Two police cars pulled onto the street from their speed trap locations, freaking me out, but both times they weren't after me

I am attending my first pit rehearsal for a local production of The Wizard of Oz

Where have all the oxen of America gone? Are they extinct?

I saw a car completely flipped over on the side of south turkey creek road- the back mountain road I drive down to get to work.

I am going to start sprouting seeds, I need to find screen and mason jars.

I went to bed at 9:15 last night and I am still tired.

I think the Amish have stolen all the oxen.

They say Izzy has cancer.

When googling "Christa needs" after too much facebook the following results popped up:
Christa needs to die NOW!
Christa needs to realize that despite disappointing action she is still deserving of friendship. (thanks.)
Christa needs to be judged if she is evil
Christa needs HELP!
Christa needs to forgive and forget

Disturbing no?

I am off to run many many errands and hopefully find something to do to make my day interesting. Whatever shall that be?

Today I sat so close to the wood stove that when the wood popped and sparks shot out, I burnt a hole in my pants. and my shirt. Sound familiar? I refer to the dime sized scar on my arm where a spark burned me when I was little. Apparently I never learn. (I am still sitting by the fire).


Today in church we sang some oldie goldies. It was great (I can't remember the name of the songs now). but is was nice. I also enjoyed the Lord's prayer, in which we all said the word "trespasses" instead of "debtors" - "...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us..." The auditorium was split with the sound of "sss" slithering uncontrollably through the air. Delightful.


I am really really tired. The rest of my evening shall be spent reading old dramatic novels in front of Defiant (the name of the wood stove and an apt description of my general attitude).

If Oprah can, so can I...

I had come up with this list of my ten most favorite things that make me happy (specifically things-nothing meaningful like people...) I had hoped to include photos, I may still, but right now I have neither the time nor energy (nor the uploading cords for my camera). Ahem. Prepare to be riveted.



My favorite Things, in no particular order:

1. Pretty little bowls

2. Unusual scraps of fabric

3. My head lamp

4. My chacos

5. My pink dish washing gloves (they double for super hero duty)

6. Green Tomato Relish

7. Painting on Walls

8. My favorite books, which I can read over and over again(namely The Blue Sword and Biting the Sun - they are me).

9. My octopus bracelet

10. Multi-colored sharpies

If I ever was, for even the briefest amounts of time, a person who did not say exactly what she was thinking, I am definitely not that person now.

Definitely is a word I always have trouble spelling.

Tonight a miraculous thing occurred as I was taking out the trash. As I picked up the trashcan and turned, I knocked over the recycling bag. I continued out the door into the garage, listening to the sound of a glass pickle jar that had been in the bag roll across the floor. I could hear it as I placed the trash in the outside bin...and then, at precisely the same moment, I closed the trash can lid with a thud, the rolling jar stopped against the cabinet with a thunk, and the automatic garage light came on, all in unison. I live for such moments - My life is a musical.

Today I went snowboarding with my awesome brother. I was feeling pretty good, having fresh legs and great anticipation of some awesome snowboarding stunts on my part. I got a bloody nose on the first run. After I made it all the way down the mountain, I caught the wrong edge and slammed my face into the snow at MACH 1 speed (no broken wrists or fingers since my head cushioned the rest of my body as I fell). Awesome. The rest of the day went pretty smoothly, though my knees are black and blue again. Josh caught my wrath when he suggested that my legs weren't strong enough to handle lots of snowboarding (he swears that not what he meant). People on skis should never tell people (or Christa's) on snowboards what to do. You have no idea what you are talking about. All that to say I am not going to the slopes with Josh tomorrow.

I have been feeling a bit lost and all too tragically caught up in myself. It seems very hard to fight the instinct that if I do more, things will be better. What things are wrong, you may ask? Well, ultimately, me. I feel all wrong and wish I could just lie in the sun until all the bits of my soul I don’t like are burnt up and blown away.

I have my own personal soundtrack. It's the clanking and kathunking of objects I run into and knock over as I move through space. (not time, just space).



Last Friday I went to this new fabric store and as I walked in I lost my breath in amazement. The owner and namesake of the store (Elfriede) is a statuesque, elegant older woman who embodies everything I aspire to be. Pulled together, elegant (so elegant its worth mentioning several times) with infinite sewing skill and humor. She was dressed in a gown straight from the 40s, her gray hair pulled back in an equally archaic yet gorgeous up do. I puttered around her small (and expensive) shop, buying small pieces of beautiful cotton prints. I am kind of afraid to do anything with them because they are so pretty. I just sit and look at them. Their potential is satisfying enough without requiring me to actually create something.



Work can be very stressful- even if some Event doesn't occur to disturb the normal sequence of the day, it seems that every person has an individual orbit of Stress, like a Ominous Storm Cloud above their head. Everyone also has a Shield that they use to Deflect the Stress Lightning from their Stress Thunder Cloud, simultaneously protecting themselves from the Lightning and striking anyone else who shows signs of not being Stressed enough.

I try to rise above it all, thankfully I am nimble on my feet and can dodge both Stress Lightning and Stress Orbits.

Today I exercised my divine feminine right to not watch the superbowl.

i like it

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2_HXUhShhmY&eurl=http://7.gmodules.com/ig/ifr?view=home&url=http://www.google.com/ig/modules/youtube_igoogle/v2/youtube.xml&nocache

I have ten minutes to blog and then I am absolutely going to bed. really. I must sleep pronto.

Item 1: I left work today to the sound of children screaming. In a moment I was braced for action, thrown back into my Tennyson day's when screaming is a precursor to a chili dog to the face or someone stealing your glasses. One hand on my spectacles, I looked around to ascertain the source of the bellows. I was delighted to find that the kids were laughing/ screaming in glee as a Dad ran through the snowy parking lot as quickly as possible, pushing the kiddos in a shopping cart. fun. I tried to catch up to see if I could get a ride too but they were too fast. golly.

Item 2: We are having another cold snap, with cloudy days and snow falling all day. Unfortunately there has not been a lot of accumulation. I am lodging a formal complaint against mother nature because I have not done any sledding this winter. We have an ideal set of railroad ties/planters that when lots of snow falls, you can carve out an amazing sled run (I have included a diagram). Last winter we had many a midnight sledding party. This year, nothing. I even hand shoveled the drive, using the wheel barrow to dump all the snow on the sled run, to no avail.



ten minutes are up.

went to the rodeo today. The girls laughed at me 'cause I kept cringing and yelping every time someone got thrown from a bucking bronco or bull (which was a lot). phew. If they did an MTV "Made" show for adults, I would want to be made into a barrel racer. Its kind of incredible. There was also a competition where they plopped children from ages 5 to 7 on top of a sheep and sent them off to see how long they could hang on. The kids got trampled and it was hilarious! but every one got a trouphy taller than themselves. I would say that is totally worth it. I liked the rodeo. Its like modern day jousting. but with steer.

"Do I smell like cat pee?"

This is the question I asked my co-worker today. Sometimes I get Post-Vashti-Stress-Disorder and I begin to think that I and everything around me smells like cat pee. It is rather traumatic.

(she said I didn't- phew)

Sometimes I have no words.

Sometimes I imagine my brain is like a space ship. There are lots and lots of ships flying around waiting to dock. If they don't dock they disappear into oblivion. Sometimes they don't know their docking order and get really mixed up. Sometimes they crash.

I just walked into LOST, the last half hour and I have no idea what is happening and the room is shrouded in silence that no one dare disturb. :) I will have to watch it tomorrow. Also the office from last week.

I have a fantastic plan for my weekend- which mainly includes the complete rearranging and organization of my bedroom. and laundry. lots of laundry. You know you want my life.

I am really really tired. and looking for something to give my day a little meaning...um...looking....looking...eh, to much effort.

Today Jon and I went snowboarding (well, I boarded, he skiied) I was awesome! (this statement of my skill level is relative to my previous snowboarding expedition- I never left the bunny slope, like for three hours). Today I mastered the green route. and I feel like someone beat me up. My tailbone hurts, my shoulders hurt, my knees are bruised and swollen (like really swollen), and I have a goose egg on my head where another snowboarder bonked me with her helmeted head as we were getting off the ski lift. And tomorrow we get to do it again. We are currently collapsed in exhaustion watching the Carolina game. I think I will go to bed very very soon.

Last night I went to a talk at the delightful Mercury Cafe called Eat Here Now- a discussion about urban gardening and food in Denver and the greater Colorado area. It was amazing. We got lost on the way (of course) and so I had to squeeze into a nook and strain to hear the happenings. I loved just listening to people talk about their passion of growing things and quoting Wendell Berry without heed. I got to talk with a guy who works with a group who helps people convert their lawns into urban, neighborhood gardens. Sigh. I could see my dream for a commune/farm/hostel/happy-gathering-place blooming before my eyes. I will grow things, I will spend my days in the dirt- whether that means on my windowsill or on some acreage. Life is all about community, people! Community and really good food that you know the name of who grew it for you. and really good books, life is about that too. and naps.

tonight, driving home, it was so pretty I almost liked the snow.

I really like going to the gym and working out while watching trashy tv shows. Tonight: the Bachelor and some of True Beauty. Fantastic. A funny thing happened while I was running, the dude next to me started talking to me and I was like, dude, I am running and have headphones on- why are you talking to me? He commented on us being the only two people still on treadmills, he commented on how many miles I ran, he commented on me not taking a break while running. um, okay, I am so glad you are impressed with my treadmill skills, but the headphones are still on dude. :) It was just kind of funny (and don't let my sassafras fool you, I was very nice to the intrusive man. Just let me run fool!)

****addendum to previous story*****

Yeah I totally screwed up my Thor story and left out the part that made it funny- The faux Thor, seeing the burglar, and realizing the prime opportunity he had before him, you know, being dressed like a god and all, charged the robber while brandishing his shield and sword and screaming a war cry that could be heard to Olympus. That is what made the robber hop out the window.

hehe.