Tonight driving home, on the side of the road by my house, was a truck full of construction and caution signs, the kind with lights on top, and they were flashing silently, even though there was no one to warn.

Today I actually felt good at my job and more energized at the end of my day than I have been in a long time.

Marcy said she would go to a movie with me tomorrow, I think out of pity. But I will take it. I have been avoiding my home a bit, the solitude. It gets a a little heavy.

Running makes me happy. Today it made me feel free and thankful. Though not yet fast.

I also want to be a chef tonight. I want to have a shop called the Soup Spot and we will serve delicious soup, mini-pies and popsicles in the summer. The walls will be light blue and mint green and there will be wide white trimmed windows that slide open to let in the breeze. There will be a garden in the back. I will wear yellow ribbons in my hair that match my apron. And my face will hurt from smiling.

new obsession: long underwear under long skirts with boots. Hand me a bonnet and send me out the door.

I have had my third night of angry dreams in a row.

The first was a musical dream, where a haphazard ensemble was supposed to play together (one piano, two electric pianos, a saxophone, a drum set, and me, on cello) but no one knew what was going on and there was no time to practice and no one would listen and I was so very ANGRY.

The second took place in my old church's gym and it was Christmas. We were supposed to put on some sort of Nativity/ 12 days of Christmas/ Drummer boy performance but, again, had no time to get ready and no one was listening and it was pure chaos and I was so very ANGRY.

Last night I dreamt that I was living at a homeless shelter and this one girl kept trying to kill me. She was huge and every time she would come for me, I wasn't scared, I just took her down in some of the moves I learned from my child restraining years. I dragged her to the manager's office and calmly explained that I had no reason to hurt her, that her anger was irrational, if she would just tell me what was wrong we could fix the problem. But no, she just kept coming for me and I kept taking her down. She was the angry one in that dream. I was just wearily resigned to continually throwing her on the ground. Like, I would be in the middle of a conversation, she would sneak up on me, I would twist her into a pretzel, and say nonchalantly "Sorry, she is just this girl that keeps trying to kill me."

So, this means I am angry, right?

It is -2 degrees outside and all I want to do is curl up in bed with my book and hot cocoa. But I have a long, long day ahead. And a long day tomorrow. Then I can rest.

cue heart attack, nervous breakdown, and brain implosion

My boss just emailed from his vacation in Costa Rica that he has tons of ideas for the book and he can't wait to get started on it again.

Marcy told me as a joke but then understood from the harrowed desperation in my eyes that I don't think its funny.

She says the book has to sell because its her retirement and that I am the key to making the book sell. I say that I will be a sad little old lady, alone for the rest of my life, doomed to being a ghost writer for other people's stories, never having a story of my own, if this book continues.

Weekend Treats

it is a new year.

I brought it in with Rachel, Annie, and Laura - we had a lovely dinner, full of lively conversation and laughter.

And silly hats.

Then I plunged into the world of sewing. Several trips to fabric stores with Laura and Jessa

(plus yummy food and movies. Sherlock Holmes - predictable yet entertaining)

I made a fairy dress. Yes, I am an adult. But I like fairies. Sue me.

Also scored some wicked sweet Good Will deals. Behold: the new sewing cart for $1.50.

Covered with trendy oil cloth from fancy tiger, thanks to Jessa's handy staple gun. Also, discovered a trench coat

(aka tore it from the mannequin within seconds of being in the store) - I added the flower.

It's very cute, don't be deceived by my poor photography.

An Epic Blog: Boldness has its own genius, power, and magic.

The year of the ox is at a close and let us all hope that the year of the tiger is more forgiving. General prophecies say that it will be a year of love. Let us hope so.

Recap (For those who don’t recall, these are the first lines of each month of the past year):

January: Today has been funny.

February: Today I exercised my divine feminine right to not watch the superbowl.

March: I am sick.

April: Today was my 1 year anniversary at Whole Health.

May: I have found my calling.

June: Amy is coming and I am incredibly excited!

July: So my work day is done and now I can blog guilt free.

August: I am no longer house sitting and am back in the mountain, which I must say feels a little weird.

September: Found the Egg! Phew, what a relief.

October: isn't he just the cutest baby ever? My brother and sister have the most beautiful children!

November: Hello. I have tried to write but all too often I delete what I have said.

December: Okay, so I am shamelessly stealing this idea but what fun!

In terms of resolutions (though as Rachel suggested, it may be better to call them intentions), I have well over a dozen, in my normal mad-hatter, no-holds-barred way of plunging ahead like a three-legged donkey through a swamp. I have been wading through my convictions of late and have found that many of my choices are not sustainable (don’t mind my somewhat hip and green use of this word. But I mean it, as in I cannot possibly continue living in the way I have been. Definition of sustainable: capable of being maintained at a steady level without exhausting natural resources) and are not in the least bit congruent with my professed beliefs. Integrity is so inconvenient at times. Yet I truly believe that I operate with a lighter heart and a greater sense of freedom when all things line up. It is time to plant my feet.

Main Points of Change:

• CSA. I am determined to join a CSA and to volunteer some hours working at the farm as well. My work schedule is the big hiccup, but it will be overcome. I also am leaning toward eliminating meat again and possibly dairy. How can it be that veganism looks so appealing right now? That’s the trouble with reading books. Words and thoughts stick in your mind so that instead of chicken, I see a pile of antibiotic ridden, GMO-fed unhappiness. Unless I know the animal that the food came from, I ain’t eatin’ it. And once you are friends with the animal, how are you going to kill it? (Actually, I have no problem with killing animals for food (I know, I am a villain), but, really, meat is not sustainable in the quantities we eat it and more often than not, it’s just icky).

• Shopping. I am going to stop shopping for new clothes (gasp!). And no new fabric too, though that one hurts even more than no more clothes. Now that I have a sewing machine, I am going to give sustainable fashion my most concentrated effort. So I can remake old things, from thrift stores, but no more therapeutic shopping trips to euthanize the soul. Nothin’ store bought for this urban homesteader.

Summeresolutions:

• Biking to work. It’s going to happen. When there is no more snow.

• Camping/ hiking/ tomfoolery in the woods. Lots of tomfoolery.

Christmas weekend included:

-sliding down icy hills until all that remained of our sleds were bits of plastic strewn across the snow
-watching old school star wars
-eating lots of delicious food a la mama
-sleep
-lovely gifts, including bamboo spoons and a new wool coat
-jammin' with Dan (in love with the Avett bros)
-warm fires, freezing outdoors
-monogramed sunggies (my gift to the fam)
-Thai birthday dinner and a new sewing machine (!!!!!)
-friends
-more sleeping
-more movies
-finishing the poisonwood bible
-family

It's the prettiest pot I ever did see...

I am referring to the Le Creuset dutch oven my boss gave me for Christmas. FREAK OUT PEOPLE! These pots are amazing! I hath coveted them for eons. And it's red. Come over, I'll make you dinner.

Marcy gave me my long distance phone code for the office. Which I had already forgotten at least three times. To help me remember, I converted the numbers into letters, so 2213 became BBAC. Then I sang it to the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony. Then I realized that BBAC looks like a rhyme scheme for a poem. So I made a new form of poetry. It's called a Christa. Here are the rules:

In addition to the rhyme scheme laid out above, the first and second and fourth lines have 7 syllables (like my first name) and the third line has 5 syllables (like my last name). The subject generally pertains to unexpected death caused by unusual circumstances.

Here are a few examples:

Snow

Everywhere I look is snow
I don't know which way to go
I think I am lost
I suspect wolves will eat me

This poem slightly bends the rules of a Christa because the death is not quite unexpected. Here is another, more classic example of a Christa:

Girl

She wears long and flowing sleeves
The wind grabs them as she leaves
She flies up so high
and plummets to the ground, Smoosh!

Now you try. Everyone can write a Christa.

I have no food and am sustaining myself of nuts, berries, clementines, and a loaf of pumpkin bread someone brought to the office. Thank goodness for the generous kindess of baking individuals and co-workers.

My hummus container and cracker box matched today. Weird, huh?

I am stuck in this city and I belong in a field...

Um, okay so my advent calender failed miserably. I tried, right?

This weekend I:

Slipped on ice while talking on my cell phone and fell to the ground.

Was coerced by Persian Kiosk Lady to buy something expensive and ridiculous that I will never use (Her words: "You tell someone about the deal I give you, I kill you, I kill you!" How do you not buy her product when she is threatening your life?).

Made tons of healthy cookies, none of which taste any good, for my co-workers.

Found something I hadn't realized I had lost.

Played with little kitty Mia.

Had breakfast with Annie and Rachel in Boulder.

Watched BBC's new Sense and Sensibility mini-series, entertaining as ever.

Made up a limerick about my lunch experience in a restaurant:

I was eating soup from my bowl
When suddenly, I lost control
Away the soup flew
And my water glass too
I have the grace of a Troll

Counting down the hours until my next weekend!

12/8/09 Bed Buddies

Sometimes when I imagined snow growing up, I had images like this in my head:























All romantic and lovely and beautiful...and warm (fake stage snow is not cold, no matter how realistic it looks).


These pictures are a more accurate depiction of my current snow sentiment.





















Imagined monologue with mother earth:

Hey, Ma! Can I call you Ma? No, oh sorry, no disrespect meant at all, I have just always felt like we were so close. Oh, you saw that, huh? Well, I meant to recycle that can. I just get really grossed out by old food and the spaghetti sauce smelled weird and I just threw it out. That hurt you? Like, physically? I'm sorry. I really am, I will do better. Bike to work? No, I don't. But, that's actually what I wanted to talk about. I would love to bike to work, its just, like, negative 10 outside. Oh, wow, you know all the exact temperatures. Okay, so I exaggerated a little. How cold is it? Zero. Right. So, about that. I really, really would love to bike to work but when its that cold, I just don't think its possible. I would lose fingers. It feels like you are losing fingers when I don't recycle my cans? I guess you have a point there. But, couldn't we compromise a little? I feel like I could bike to work if it were, say 40 degrees out and sunny. What can I give in exchange? That's how you operate, huh? I kind of imagined you a little more benevolent. No, no I am definitely not saying that I think you are rude, I just figured you would be a little more understanding of my predicament, I mean its pretty harsh out there. No, no, no you are most certainly not, uh, harsh. You are lovely. I really admire those twirly things in your hair. Vines, huh? Interesting. No, really, interesting in a good way. Crap. You aren't going to warm it up are you? Yeah, I thought so. Count the next blizzard as a special gift to me personally? Thanks, thanks a lot.

12/7/09 Snowflakes

Last Friday night I watched "Big Country" - my favorite western - and cut out tons of snowflakes. I taped them up all over the ceiling and it is beautiful!

Christa's Holiday Advent Calendar

Okay, so I am shamelessly stealing this idea but what fun! The theme for this advent calendar, you ask? Stuff in my apartment. I will use my last post for my first picture despite the fact I, unfortunately, do not have a roller coaster in my apartment. Thankfully black and white photography lends a facade of chic, though, lets be honest, who really cares about any of this anyway. Ah, but how it amuses! Me, it amuses me.
Forgive me, I can never make the photos and captions line up properly. Maybe they do on your computer, but if not, just imagine you are watching Singing in the Rain- no,no,no! yes, yes, yes! no,no,no! yes, yes, yes!

12/2/09 I don't know these people, but their picture is on my wall.


12/3/09 Teapot and owl.


12/4/09 My favorite cowboy statue, from grandma.


12/5/09 My handcrafted bird mobile which is still suffering from the move.


12/6/09 It is 11 degrees outside but so warm inside.

the wind in your hair

I am in Charlotte, waiting for phone calls that beckon me to see friends. I had a stupendous flight over here, due to the fact I forgot my driver's license AND my phone. Sometimes even I run out of patience with myself. Thankfully, my roommate overnighted my license so the trip home should be a bit less eventful, though I know I shall face the wrath of my employer for spending time with family. Oops. Even now I am tempted to bust out my work and shift through it but that is really so very depressing. What is my life? is the common question that rises to the surface of my tumultuous thoughts.

Also strange, I had a weird allergic reaction where my eyes became very itchy and swollen. Awkward and so very charming. Another bit of evidence that I deserve my own sitcom because life never fails to surprise and entertain me.

Thanksgiving was lovely, lots of food and family and a new game of pumpkin football. The family game of football proved that we are all cheaters, shamelessly stealing the ball and creating our own rules. I am still amused about my attempt to hide the football in the mailbox while the other team was in a huddle. My crew lost two to one, but that was only after Aunt Theresa defected to go make the green bean casserole, leaving us a player short. We were in the lead until then. We also went to the Charlotte parade, which left me strangely enchanted with marching bands, which, I was told, was mainly due to the fact I have never been in one. I guess I really just like people moving in unison, I feel the same way about musicals and troops on the drill field.

I leave for Denver tomorrow, still lacking in sleep.

Hello. I have tried to write but all too often I delete what I have said.

A funny thing happens just when you think you couldn't possible get any busier- you get busier and look back at your former life and wonder what you did with all that free time.

I have to wake up in approximately three hours and I can't sleep. I am tempted to just go to the gym or something, just to use this time productively.

I feel like there is a secret demerit system at work - you are constantly losing points arbitrarily based on the Boss's mood. It kind of stinks.

To lighten the mood at work, which has become increasingly depressed, I have instituted a few new Christa Specials. There is the "Dance Move Of The Day," which I am always willing to demonstrate. I also provide "Guess What Song Is In My Head Now" or "Tuneless Humming While I Concentrate On Some Inane Task," not to mention "Fake Fainting." "Fake Fainting" is my favorite way to pass time but it does require some skill and awareness. You cannot just fling your body onto the ground willy-nilly. You have to make sure there are no sharp corners or innocent bystanders to fall on. Its also prudent to fake faint in front of people who won't try to catch you because, really, it just destroys the effect. Unless the catcher is particularly attractive, but then we are talking about a completely different type of game.

You know how when you are around folks all the time, you begin to pick up their lingo? Well, I have picked up "oh dear" from Andrea while she picked up "my head is going to explode" from me. Charming, ain't I?

I have finished my nutrition certification. My last book was called "Your Health, Your Choice" and I have uncovered a conspiracy. There are a suspicious number of typos in this book and they have enough consistency that I immediately suspected a secret code. The typos are as follows:

exe4rcise, qualiti8es, w3ell, buf7fer, demoli1sh, d9airy, saliv1a, adaptations2, functio5n, bac3teria

I took the numbers and correlated them to the appropriate letters of the alphabet and got:

D H C G A I A B E C

which clearly means:

Don't Hate Chocolate Ganache - Avoid Irritating Acupuncturists - Be Extraordinary Christa

I should be a detective or a spy. Obviously I have a talent for decoding.


(I want everyone to know I deliberated over my commas and I am sorry if they are incorrect, cause in the end, I just don't care)

Howdy, Stranger.

There comes a certain carefree willingness to accept any invitation, a willingness
that may easily be confused with self-confidence and extroversion, when one has been alone for too long. That desperation tinged "I'll Come!" and the sweet relief as I leave my apartment to mingle with fellow humans (especially given the "Cat Lady" description is still a little too close for comfort as I spend an inordinate amount of time watching BBC mini-series, knitting, and stroking my roommates two gray cats (she is often gone hanging out with her boyfriend, like a normal twenty-something)) is not unfamiliar. I am definitely comfortable and unashamed of spending time by myself, no longer creeping into the movie theater on a Saturday night pretending I am meeting someone inside. No, I hold my head up high, look the pimply teen locked in the movie theater box office in the eye and boldly say, "One ticket, please." But, still, there is something nice when I really am meeting someone, not just my imaginary friends.

But this fear-based boldness ( aka 'if I don't leave my apartment I really will die here') can open new doors. I have recently amplified my quest for community and, last night, was calling a life group leader of the church I have been attending, to ask if the said group was actually meeting. Alas, said the kindly voice on the other end of the line, the group was not yet formed and may not start meeting til the new year. 'Ah, okay,' I reply, trying not to let my disappointment leak through. I hang up and am about to press play to restart 'The History of Tom Jones' when Eliza (the group leader, who has an inexplicably cool name) calls back. 'Hey, we are having some friends over for dinner, why don't you come?' she begins and before she can say 'green-chili enchiladas' I am on the road. What followed was a friendly, if slightly awkward, evening of enchiladas, cake, and Scattegories. I don't know if they will ever realize how much that simple act of kindness meant to me.

My brothers and I have made a pact to run a half marathon together in March. I am so excited. The pavement of VA has no idea what destruction we will leave in our wake, the Three Oakes, runners extraordinaire. I wonder if my brother's will object to matching capes?

Also, it snowed lots this week and some apartment photos. Behold, the-greatest-bargan-couch-ever!





Snow Ninja Stance!

Okay- when we say there is lots of snow, believe me that we are talking in feet now. My car has a snow afro and as I drove through starbucks for an indulgent everyone-else-is-home-but-my-office-doesn't-close mocha, the drive-through guy made a snowball from the excess snow I am carting around on my roof. You know, I am saving it for later. Hopefully we will close early and I will go make a snow dragon somewhere. For now, it is quiet in the clinic and I get to play catch up and drink lots of tea. And Shu is making us delicious soup! Huzzah for snow days!