Today I dressed up like a Pirate when I went to work, oh yes I did, and it was amazing. Funny thing though, after work I took a shower, put on a skirt and had to dash back toward work to pick up my paycheck. When I climbed the steps, a community dude remarked 'hey you look like a real women.' huh. My response was'how would you like it if this real women gave you a swift kick to the side of your head.' no not really, actually i said, 'no, i always dress like a real woman, just some days it takes a real man to notice.' no, for real i said 'haha, the power of a shower.' How Lame. the power of a shower? come on now, my life is so much better when I re-write it post-facto.

Amazing Thing: apparently you can use your americorp money to go on a NOLS backpacking trips. say what! I am totally pumped. There is one going to INDIA! to hike in the HIMALAYAN MOUNTAINS!! right after my americorp programs ends--a little more money than my americorp reward, but i have already emailed them to ask about financial aid and airfare--hopefully they will see how brilliant i am and give me lots of money. and then i can go to INDIA for a month. If that fails, there are definitely more affordable ones in the US, so either way--Backpacking-a-go-go!!

Another option, volunteer on an international organic farm, i am not kidding you, they will give me money to do that--how about a farm in Cambodia? or the Czech Republic? The options are endless.

Other fun plan, there is an adventure race in the Adirondacks in NY-a crazy 24 hour race, that i could never do on my own (Run a marathon, bike 100 mi, and then kyacking) I might split it up with Keirsa and Kelsea though, Keirsa runs, Christa bikes, and Kelsea Kyacks. Sounds good to me. And then we can go celebrate in NY City. woot woot.

It never hurts to dream big.

p.s. this is me as schmeegor, the pampires assistant (a pampire is a combo Pirate/ Vampire, a schmeegor a combo shipmate schmee/ igor, get it? watch out for more creative combos)


a wampire, a pampire, schmeegor, and a coffip

promised red hair pics

i now know someone whose name is True Love. I am not kidding. True Love.

Tonight is a Halloween bonfire and I am super excited about my costume---expect pictures soon.

mark one off the list, i have died my hair red. Well, really i think its more auburn with red undertones, so not a crazy shade of red, but this is the gateway hair dyeing experience. Next time, we go a shade darker. its all about baby steps. (sorry no picture, i will post one shortly, though Shawna recorded the process on facebook)
I am looking forward to a Halloween bonfire this weekend, plus a dress rehearsal for the benefit concert we are giving. I am super excited because Rachel just asked Joelle and I to sing along with her on this piece that is intended for choir that she had been singing alone. It sounds really beautiful, if i do say so myself.
I have been exceptionally busy, what with work, rehearsals, halloween costumes, and hanging out with folks. I think I will need some major alone time soon or I am going to crash big time. and some sleep, sleep would be good. Maybe next weekend.

So we threw Nora a beat street birthday party last Saturday and it was lots of fun with the minor exception that the pictures proved to me that indeed dancing, especially me dancing, is better suited to dark, dusky venues. Alas, the kitchen of Monterey house was all too well lit. Oh well, I get a double dose of fun, the fun of the party and then the fun of chuckling at my ridiculous, black-mail worthy photos. And you ask why I am not posting any here, tsk, you should know better, my vanity can only take so much abuse.

disappointment = wanting to work out on a rainy day, getting to the gym only to realize that it is closed. bummer.

Kiersa made an enlightened remark the other day, that this is the year to do all those things you said you would do but never have acutally done. I like this idea and think I can get a good number of my life list things accomplished this year (please refer to the entry of September 21st). Hmmm, where to start.

It was really good to see Dad and Danny again, we had a good time :)

Yesterday was Friday the thirteenth and while I am not a superspicious person, it was not my best day. It was not due to opening umbrellas, black cats, ravens, or broken mirrors that my day was bad, it was salmon. Yes, that delectable pink fish that is supposed to be so yummy that I don't think i can ever stomach again. I did not eat bad salmon, rather, Nora and I decided to make salmon patties for dinner, along with our delicious roasted veggies. but what we did not realize is that canned salmon still requires you to sort through the fish flesh for bones and skin. I think I could handle gutting real fresh fish better than the procedure of sorting through 16 cans of super processed fish. yuck. we only made it through 13 cans before Nora and I both fled the kitchen. but i still had to go back and spend couple hours frying them all up in a skillet, which (nothing to do with my cooking, i swear) filled the entire shelter up with smoke. oops. thank goodness the weekend starts tomorrow. (p.s. even though Nora and I couldn't eat the patties, they were a hit, folks gobbled them up while I prayed no one would choke on a bone).

Well, Mom and Dad have just left and it was so good to see them. We hung out, chatted, ate, took a cold train ride to Levita, rode around in the country, poked around in shops, drove to Monte Vista, and had many group hugs. How I will miss them! But, lucky for me, I will get to see Dad and Dan next weekend- it is truly an October of Oakes.

Life is going well here in Alamosa, despite my tooth-less admirers and those pesky life questions. Today for lunch Mom, Dad, and I went to eat authentic Mexican at Marquez's. After getting our tacos we went to the salsa bar and loaded our food with fresh cilantro, limes, and salsa--I thought I was putting a harmless pico de gallo on mine (confidently following my lead and assurances it was mild, Mom followed suite) but the first bite introduced an excruciating level of spiciness to my taste buds and reinforced the truth that i am a gringo. Whodoggy! Mom was panting and I was about to eat my napkin when Dad rescued us by ordering more tortillas to re-establish equilibrium in our mouths. Yikes! The pain was only truly over after some Dairy Queen.

now i must leave, for a converstation with my brother awaits me.

dear megan stop. i am sorry i do not blog more stop. i miss you and will be very eloquent stop. love christa stop.



Lost by David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

today i did my hair in my new favorite hairdo (aka i have ten minutes to get ready and get to a meeting. Coffee Please!!) I don't have my camera otherwise I would have a visual to give you...but it consists of two nubbins on the back of my head and my scarf from prague wrapped around my head several times. yes! I am a twenty-two year old with the hair-do of a toddler. Let your inner child out to play once in a while, i say. Ahem...i would also like to announce my first successful batch of bread in the mountains, there is a lovely loaf of bread on my counter right now. woo hoo! And my Dad will be here soon! Jubilation! Today I was reminded of something Becca commented on, that I leap out of beds in the morning. It is true. Today I lept out of bed and hit the floor running. okay bye.

There is a bee trapped in the window beside me. He keeps buzzing around and colliding with the neon 'open' sign that is housed in the same window. If the bee could read he would be very confused.



Yesterday Shawna, Emmy, Alex, Angelina, and I took an impromptu hiking trip up to Zapata Falls. It was more of a nice walk than hiking, but I felt very adventurous since we opted to walk up the stream bed rather than take the trail. We leaped from slippery boulder to slippery boulder, defying death in order to view the falls inclosed within tall rock walls (or rather, we easily hopped from stone to stone, occasionally getting our feet damp). It was lovely and lots of fun. The view of the surrounding snow-capped mountains was breath taking and you could see all across the valley.













Every time I get on the computer I have the same routine, I check my e-mail and then go through all the blogs of the people I know, in alphabetical order. Then I attempt to write my own blog, but usually by the time I get to my own blog I just miss everyone so much I am throwing myself my own personal pity party. Lately I have admired everyone's ability to express their emotions so well via blog, I myself am an extremely self-conscious blogger (unless I am feeling particularly witty) and find the process of decoding my mind too tedious and all too revealing a process for me to willingly undergo. However, I know from past experience, that if I fail to undertake the decoding process then I will spontaneously implode, stunning innocent bystanders with the sticky emotional goo that results from a rupture of my soul. So, how is my soul? Still processing lessons from the summer, still undergoing to reworking of my heart that will never be complete (a simultaneously comforting and disconcerting thought), still uncertain of many things. Weary of being on guard but unsure how to be more open. I think I am bad at being open because I do not like feeling weak or acknowledging my weakness. bu this is all old news, just reocurring. My spirit is constantly undergoing flashbacks and regressions. I have the emotional and relational maturity of a third grader.



The bee is still stuck in the window.

As many of you know I am very good at coming up with large-scale plans and dreams for myself, that I have at least five potential life scenarios running in my head at one time. All that to say I have composed a list of things I want to accomplish. I know I have done this before, but I think this list is shorter than the last (due to memory loss rather than accomplishment of items on the list) ahem...

Things I Would Like To Do:
Learn to Tango and Waltz
Memorize and Perform a Cello Concerto (in front of actual people)
Hike the Appalachian and Colorado Trails (in one go)
Get a Masters Degree (in something...)
Learn Arabic, French, German, and master Spanish (dare I add a slovic language?)
Milk a Cow
Run a Marathon
Canoe the Entire Length of a River (river unspecified)
Rock Climb a Big Rock a.k.a Mountain
Dye My Hair an Outrageous Shade of Red
Learn Guitar
Play Chamber Music
Write A Short Story
Make a Big Quilt
Live Alone in a Big City
Live Overseas
Be in a Band
Ride an Elephant
Master English Grammar
Make a Movie/ Doumentary
Master Bread Making
Learn to Ride a Horse (aka be a cowgirl)
Build a Treehouse
Go on a Safari
Camp in the Bush
Explore the Amazon
Travel To: Spain, Turkey, Thailand, Chile, Egypt, New Zealand(with Dan), Africa, Russia, Czech Republic (of course!), Germany, Denmark, Scotland, Iceland, Romania, Sweden, Bangledesh, Bulgaria, Iraq, Israel, and India.


Thats all I have for now...

I look online and see pictures and read blogs of people but (obviously) these electronic communications can not even come close to replacing a person’s voice or presence; in fact, they almost make the separation from these beloved people worse, its as if I keep running after shadows, trying to embrace them, and continually return to myself empty handed, with only a greater longing to hold something, someone real.

I am trying to research my life plan and I am reminded of a great line from a great woman; “God is continually tying my linear life plan into knots” True Story. What shall I do next? I feel like I can do anything I want but I don’t know if everyone else knows that.

i have not written for a while but do not have much to say really. As is always true, the same patterns and concerns of my life have not dissipated but followed me to Alamosa, so here I am, still trying to figure out what and who I am.

there are two people at the table next to me, clearly 'meeting for coffee' aka first-ish date. Needless to say there is much giggling on the girl's part and guaffing on the boy's, but the highly amusing part of this scenario is that they are both wearing the EXACT same shade of neony, bright, bright blue. ah, a couple made in heaven.

The day after my last post a man came into the office, a man that has lived in the shelter before but found his own housing and is working on a job. He had been having a garage sale that morning to raise some money to pay his rent. In the middle of his sale his landlady came up with her daughter and started hauling his stuff back inside the garage. When he asked what she was doing, she replied that he didn't need to sell his stuff, not to worry about the rent, that he would have a home as long as he needed it. She then gave him a check for five hundred dollars and told him not to worry about paying her back, that he would pay her back by showing kindness to another when he was able. As he was telling his story, he broke down in tears. so for each hard thing here, there seems to be a good one.

I went to santa fe with some friends this weekend, it was fun, we mainly just goofed around and window shopped.



Shawna shows us whats she's made of...





Joelle acts cool and aloof...like a rock star...



Keirsa, Joelle, and Shanna


grrrrrr...

So yesterday a man who had worked and lived at the shelter died. He had been sober and employed by la puente for eight months when he fell of the wagon so to speak, the director fired him for drinking on the job, though still payed his rent to help get through this rough patch. To no avail, for he passed away of liver failure yesterday morning. Another worker and I went to pick up the woman who was drinking with him when he died, cause she was a mess and we were afraid she would drink herself into oblivion. I was sitting in the back with her as she rcounted his death over and over again and the reaction of his family, which was to storm the house moments after they had heard he was dead and ransack it for belongings, even digging through his wallet for what cash he had. I have no words to describe how sad the whole situation is, the lack of hope, the habits and addictions hard to break that drive people into this cycle. Exactly a year and a day ago another member of 'the crew' died from too much alcohol. Who knows who will be next, for those mourning for this most recent death are yet again drowning their grief at the bar.

okay mom, this is for you, some pictures of my house and a few of my town, but not many because it is so small that people would yell out, christa! what ARE you doin'?. This town is so small that traffic is when you see another car on the road and I can cross diagonally across an intersection pretty much any time i want, unless there is a farmer's market.

Our house is blue with a green roof, i dunno, i like it.


There are two rat dogs next door, Pedro and Lulu, this is the latter trying to attack me through the fence. Give up little dog, give up.


The Sangre de Cristo mountains and a train. My walk into town.

This is colorado.


but i was looking at the few pictures I managed to save from the Great Crash of Christa's Computer 06, and am feeling a physical ache for the place and people of the summer.

Funny Story: I was pouring what was supposed to be just a touch of cream into my coffee when the lid dropped off of the jug o'cream, scattering across the floor, pouring a regular Niagara falls of creamer into my coffee, onto the counter, onto the tile, and onto me. That's nothing new for me, really, but I was a bit miffed when the coffee worker gal told me that if I just tell them I want room for cream, they will leave room - as if I hadn't realized, silly girl, that once the cup is full its useless to try to fit more into the cup, it just won't work. And she wasn't kidding either, she was dead serious. So with cream all over my shirt and shoes, I feebly try to explain, then hand her the rag I was using to clean up, and walked away.

Last night I went to the Bell house (home of Shawna, Rachel, and Emmy) to help decorate their kitchen curtains with potato stamps (not stamps of potatoes, but stamps made from potatoes)It was lots of fun and I brought over a peach tart I had made (inspired by Laura's incredible fruit tart) and I decorated two panels, one of flowers and another of monsters attacking a city. They are incredible. All this to say, I had been the first to arrive (early as usual) and was sitting chatting with Shawna when she asked me, "Christa, are you home schooled? We were having a debate last night and we couldn't decide, but there is something about you that just screams home schooling." I almost fell out of my chair laughing! For those who don't know, I am not home schooled but apparently was a prime candidate for it, or practically was home schooled, categorized by all my enthusiasm for crafts, cooking, and oter domestic silliness, i guess. Or as Shawna put it, I have an indistinct quality defined by lots of energy and excitement for life that, as she puts it, many public schoolers lack. I am not exactly sure what that means, but, my dear home schooled friends and my pseudo-home schooling mother, you have had an incredible influence on my life and you have left a permanent mark which all can see. Quick, get me a wooden spoon, bag of flour, and some calico! I have some creating to do!

(other things that were discussed about me, apparently, is the fact that I have had Sleigh Ride stuck in my head for over three years. Is there a cure!?!)

I have been reading lots of people's blogs lately and they all seem so profound and interesting while in mine I keep talking about coffee. I think this is because when I am feeling bummed I generally do not like talking about it or dwelling on it (besides the fact that my friends that keep blogs are amazing and really thoughtful about life in general, thus creating excellent blogs). I find that I tend to keep my head down and plow through the day, moving from one task to the next, especially when I feel tired or not particularly motivated. I forget to listen or look at things or people. So, yesterday was not a particularly nice day for me, mostly for the reasons above- me plowing through because overwhelming emotions and life-ness made me want to disable all communication with the world- but I was walking to the coffee shop (shocker) to email stuff when I looked up and around and saw the mountains to the east, the Sangre de Cristo mountains (blood of Christ) and had the very satisfying and relieving revelation that there is much more going on in the world than me. I know that sounds cheesy (I looked up and saw the mountains and knew that everything would be ok...cue dramatic string section to imply a life changing moment...) and I by no means 'felt' immediately better or knew I would be ok, but I did remember how big God is, which means He is big enough to handle, change, re-mold all of my mess and that the world is not my home or where I put my hope. so today is a new day and hopefully I will learn to hold this glimpse of truth a little closer (I have faith amnesia) and carry a little more grace with me today, in addition to my coffee cup.

today has not been my best day. i got some coffee in hopes it will push me through until tomorrow where hopefully i will feel a bit better, be a little more human. the coffee addiction continues. i would really like to be with people i trust right now, for coffee, a talk, a hug. but i am hanging on.

the coffee shop is about to close and i have five seconds to blog! i am doing well! last night our next door neighbor brought us the best peach pie i have every eaten in my life as a gesture of welcome! they have a bluegrass band, maybe i can bluegrass on the cello! okay bye!