coffee house redemption

thank goodness! i have found the perfect coffee shop. i will list out the things i love as i spot them:

it is ten minutes from my house
has free wi-fi
closest prices to alamosa coffee
friendly people
connected to a used bookstore
comfy with old couches and non-pretentious
i look around and the people hanging out here i could be friends with
good mugs, simple but sturdy
hidden away
i can see the mountains
it looks like they bake all their own bake goods, never trust people that don't make their own brownies

i bought two gardening books for a dollar at the store next door, both with tips for indoor plants (so the deer don't eat your food) and lots of herbs and such
i am super excited. i am taking notes for my (our) future farm.

i am very happy today, for no specific reason except i am excellent at knitting (i cannot reveal my craftiness because my latest discovery will be gifts for oh so many of you), i love libraries, i love the mountains and cool mornings, i love my cat, i love megan, i love sleeping, i love my brothers, sisters, mom, dad, and especially nieces, i love people (i cannot stop talking to people i don't know, a major indicator that i need some friends, i am becoming one of those shamelessly talkitive people who reveal too much information about themselves while in the grocery line)

today is a beautiful day, cool and crisp and very fall like. it makes me very very happy. i went to a coffee shop in evergreen that i had never been to this morning and i don't think i will ever go again. in addition to overpriced fare and beverages, there were leopard print curtains, fake tropical plants, and a giant klimt painting. now, you may think a hanging of my favorite artist might be a mark in favor of the place, but how dare they use this brilliant art as the inspiration for hideous decor. please! i drank my cup of joe quickly and ran to the library for a more peaceful atmosphere. the most amusing thing about my coffee experience was eavesdropping on three motorcycle dudes that were chatting and sipping there coffee. in their leathers. talking about fiberglass while perched upon an animal print couch. it just seems so absurd. i left at the same time they did and as i walked out i could see that their helmets matched their jackets and their jackets matched their bikes, like primary color power rangers on bikes. so, i don't know, maybe they dig matchy matchy decor.

yesterday first plymouth church went on a field trip to another parish that it supports in the inner city. it was lots of fun to chat with people i didn't know and see what is up etc. but in the end it just really made me want to move to the inner city, where i don't have to commute and can walk everywhere. like really really want to move into a shabby, sweet little house where i can make bread for my neighbors and have a garden without worrying about deer eating the delectables.

the woman who preached also wrote a song that we sang and my favorite line was this"
'When will we live for others, denied the love God is? When will we forfeit comfort, to bear the Cross that's his?' it seemed a little ironic for us to leave the poor inner city church and drive back to the suburbs, but such is life. i hope other people thought it was ironic too.

i was watching to kill a mockingbird last night and i forgot how much i loved that movie (and gregory peck) i was watching the scene where atticus has finished his excellent defence of Tom, yet Tom was still found guilty in the flawed justice system of the south. the court room is empty except for the mezzanine where the friends and family of Tom sat. and they all stood as atticus passed, the reverend telling scout to stand because her father is passing. i just was struck by how beautiful that was and how all i really want for myself is to fight for the just cause and to be respected for it.

in an attempt to become more socially active i have just been looking up various social groups in the denver area. here are some snippets of our options:

1.The Denver Savvy Singles Book Club Meetup Group
A place for singles to get inspired and informed about creating an extraordinary relationship by reviewing new dating and relationship books each month.
christa comments: really? how come i think all these relationship books are written by christian authors. can you think of a more ridiculous group? pretend to read books while trying to size up the people around you to see if they meet the criteria in said book. please.

2. Single Professionals: Mixing Business With Pleasure
Kill two birds with one stone, so to speak! We provide opportunities for networking on both the social and business levels, all in one fun event. We offer a variety of formats to provide something comfortable and fun for everyone. And it's for "business"...what a great way to meet other singles and still get that business tax write-off!
christa comments: barf

3.The Denver GIS User Group
Meet other locals who are interested in a discussion of Geographic Information Systems (GIS).
christa comments: i know it takes all types, but...really?



thats all i have energy for. i am going home to my couch.

okay megan just told me she does make fun of my sci fi/ fantasy obssession but she does it kindly. i guess i can handle that.

okay okay so i started my job this week and i have not been to check my email or blog since...because i am exhausted! and i hate driving. like really, commuting stinks. hopefully in the near future i will have the funds to move near to where i work, because it is a very very cute (and expensive) part of town. but i do love driving into the mountains every night...the moon has been so bright that you don't even need headlights, it is amazing.

i have had several moments so far in my job where i have been terrified and where i have said to myself this is exactly what i want to do. i am working with children who have been neglected and abused and are wards of the state, working in the residential area with the kids that live in this school. i won't be able to tell any stories ever but these children have survived and awful lot and if i were them i would be really pissed off at the world too.

another bear broke into another garage in our neighborhood. totally lame, we still have not seen one. maybe i will leave the downstairs windows open with a little live kitty bait inside.....

megan and i actually went out last night when i got off work. yeah, like pretending we have lives and actually go places off the mountain. we tried out two different bars, both in this totally cute part of town near where i work. and we were still home before midnight. the kicker is that my parents were out later than us last night. that is pathetic. though, i would like to point out, that with the time difference, we were technically out later. so there.

i don't think megan and i realized how different we really are. we were discussing last night that where we have similarities are in the big, abstract ideals and hopes for ourselves. but when it comes down to movies, books, clothes, and music, there is very little overlap. except in our taste in men, which could be unfortunate. yesterday we were chillin' in the house reading and megan mentioned that she would like to watch the lord of the rings movies and i was like, yes please, i was just thinking that this morning. but i was thinking that because i was reading stardust and dwelling on how much i love the fantasy genre and she was reminded of the films because of a reference to cs lewis in her book organic church. i rest my case. but i love her lots :) and she doesn't make fun of my fantasy/ sci-fi obsession.


i am trying to write a lot because i don't know when i will come back and write more. but this is based on the assumption that someone other than megan reads my blog. she checks my blog every day and we live together. and she knows i haven't written. :)

next weekend i am going home to meet my niece and to see my older brother again in addition to all my family and i am super excited. it is kind of weird for me to have such a grown up brother, i mean he is a father. i am not going to lie, i got really excited when he called me unprompted. like, my older brother wants to be friends with me. which is fantastic, since the last time we really talked was when we were arguing in high school and then he went to school and i went to school and he got married and i grew up and now i feel like i need to meet him all over again. and i think i am really going to like him a lot.

my cat is sleeping with me and i am not allergic. this almost justifies me not eating wheat or sugar. i made it through three days of training with out eating the candy bars in the giant basket sitting on the table. nor the little pumpkin candies that are akin to candy corn and are my favorite seasonal treat. and i made bread time successfully, a rare thing for me in colorado. yum. (it was spelt bread-no wheat) my cat likes to try and catch my eyelashes when i blink. how do i train her out of this potentially devastating habit?

meet Vashti Gita

here is the new kitty!

notes on a sermon:

well, actually there was no sermon today, we sang for the entire service. and, as you know from my last blog, i love to sing so i thought it was fantastic. i really admire the breaking of the conventional sing-sermon-sing structure to mix it up and spend just a whole lot of time in worship.

i really like that we sing the doxology at every service. it is beautiful. and i also love that we sing so many hymns, some i know and some i do not.

i remember thinking during the women's bible study i was apart of a few years ago, how beautiful it is to hear lots of women's voices singing in unison. i always get goose bumps.

i also really like that they call all the children up to the front of the church each morning and after a short story they have a blessing for the children. The minister asks the children to cup their hands in front of them, in order to receive the blessing. these past two weeks the blessing has always been the same, so i don't know if it is the standard children's blessing, but it is a variation of the Irish blessing that i sang with rachel and joelle last year : may the road rise to meet you , may the wind be always at your back, may a star always guide you, and may the Lord always hold you in the palm of his hand. I love the words and the idea of cupping your hands to receive the blessing in a real, tangible, physical way. Its like something megan told me when i was in alamosa, that it is important to claim your blessings from the Lord and asked me what blessing i wanted for myself, which was peace of mind and spirit. She told me this right before i got really sick and had to sit in my house by myself for a whole week - which in itself nearly killed me. There is still so much to think about from my year at alamosa and while i was there most of my energy was about getting through, surviving, holding myself together. But here i was for a week, i completely lost my voice, so i couldn't talk and had to sit and be quiet and finally listen to the voices in my head. and by the end of the week, despite my continued illness, i felt the blessing of peace and rest like i had not experienced in a very long time.

i think there is also something very beautiful and powerful about speaking words together as a congregation, whether its the Lord's prayer or another liturgical passage. Every time I say the Lord's prayer something strikes me, today the prayer of the Lord's will being done on earth as well as in heaven. We think so much about heaven but what does it mean to do the Lord's will on earth? which brings me to one of the songs we sang, which said 'What does the Lord require of you? Justice, Kindness, and to walk humble with your God' That is a God I can believe in, one that requires us to pursue and uphold justice, love, and humility in his service.


also there are a lot of crazy environmentalists at this church, who really do believe that taking care of the earth is directly related to the gospel, ideas of stewardship, and God's purposes on earth.

um, nothing new. megan and i have been watching lots of movies in between our trips to town and Internet. we make yummy food. today i made zucchini muffins (with no eggs!) i think cooking at the shelter has changed my cooking style forever. i was in the midst of muffin magic when i realized, gasp, the eggs were bad - i think only keirsa understands the horror of cracking open rotten eggs. ugh. so i decided to try the flax seed egg substitute method i only heard about recently. and i threw in some cottage cheese too, for the heck of it. and viola, muffins. not quite as sturdy as the standard muffin, but it held together and tasted great. excellent. mission accomplished.

i don't think i am getting the job i interviewed for. unfortunately. and somewhat to my relief. is this self-destructive behavior? no, i think it is more the plague of my generation, or at least me, growing up with too much choice and little immediate necessity to work. but the immediate necessity of bills and food money and gas money is creeping up like a little monster you thought had been banished to the closet. i just want to do something i like and be happy. i think the only solution is that i cannot do what i like and make money. and i am okay with that.

i really love singing to the radio. poor megan has to put up with my successful and non-successful attempts at harmony. there is something great about being completely uninhibited when singing. i distinctly remember hearing my mom sing with the radio and being amazed that you couldn't distinguish between her voice and the one coming through the stereo. i thought it was like magic.

one of the first churches we went to here, you couldn't here the person next to you singing, not because the six leaders were too loud, but because no one wanted to be heard. and that is a shame. if there is anyplace you should be able to sing without embarrassment it is at church.

i have been sitting a lot lately without doing anything. (i mean when i am not actively seeking employment) i like getting up early in the morning, but usually i make tea and read or journal. but lately i sit, staring, thinking, not thinking. and i think it is good, because i am generally not good at doing nothing.

oh and the joys of nature, i don't need an alarm clock because at about 8.30 every morning a woodpecker gently begins his daily work right out side my window. he is quite literally pecking directly by my head on the other side of the wall. magic. thankyou mister woodpecker.

i posted the counter on my blog to indulge myself and see how many people read or visit my blog. so far out of the five listed, four of them have been me checking to see if the number has gone up. sigh.

i beginning to wonder if i am a commitment-phobe. I had an interview yesterday (yes!) but my blood turned to ice water when the words "this is a career building position, i am looking for someone to replace me in three to four years" came out of the admissions director's mouth. eeek! i struggle with just being in one place for one year alone! i am not going to lie, i had nightmares last night about the position. sigh. so we will see. maybe she just didn't like me and then i don't have to make another hard decision.

Last night megan and i watched our neighbors little boy, an extremely capable five year old who can drive his mini-gator (he would sigh with exasperation, miss christa it is not a truck, its a gator) better than i ever could. Now, i don't consider myself a weak person or lacking firm decision skills but it quickly became very clear in this babysitting scenario i was the push over. i asked him several times not to put lucy, his dog, in the back of his gator and he was stilled unconvinced but megan had to say it only once and he immediately complied. this happened over and over again throughout the evening. apparently children have a sixth sense when it comes to identifying...well, whatever it was i seemed to subconsciously express. thankfully megan was there other wise i don't think he would have ever gone to bed. sigh. i have been told before though that i have trouble being firm-that i can try to say something strict but it inevitably comes across nice. this is why i have made a commitment to saying no this year - to practice building boundaries with people i don't know. I seem to have no problem saying no or expressing my boundaries clearly with people that are closest to me, its rude cashiers and rowdy children that i become meek around and lose the ability to stand up for myself. psychoanalyze that.

thankfully God said to me the other day, Christa, I think you should __________ and ___________. That way __________ and _____________will happen.
Thanks God,I said, I will get right on that and _____________.

(shamelessly stolen from dan)

here i am again, in the coffee shop...doing my thing...though i don't really know what that is....

i have come to the conclusion that finding a job truly requires divine intervention-like for real people. i have sent out over a dozen resumes and no satisfactory results (hmmm perhaps i am regretting my arrogance in my one job offer that i turned down--nope i still think i did that right) so for all of those out there that read my humble ramblings, please pray that i find a job! ( er...that God finds a job for me...)

megan and i found a great church - you can refer to her blog for a more detailed list of the positive aspects, but i really liked it a lot. i once told megan that every time i go to church i usually feel like crying and how i really don't like it, but megan replied, wisely, that she figures if a church doesn't make you want to cry than there probably isn't a lot of truth being told there. true 'nough. anyway, this church passed the knot-in-my-throat test. we are going back tonight for young adults gathering where we will probably be the youngest. i feel sheepish about being young, still loving fantasy books and films, and my enjoyment of all things whimsical. but then i figure i will always love those things no matter how old i get and there is no need for me to feel sheepish about who and what i am right now in this moment. because thats all i can be.

Top Five Things I hate about looking for jobs:

1.Waiting
2.Rejection
3.No Income
4.Waiting
5.Not hearing from anyone

I mean I am putting myself out there! I am like a contestant on a dating show who gets disqualified before I get to even say my name. and I have a good name too, not FiFi or Gertrude, but solid and capable Christa. Come on People! Give me a break!

I used to not practice my cello enough before state orchestra things and such so I could always have to excuse, well I could have done better if I had practiced, or I just didn't have the time to practice enough. But I have no excuse now because I have been very thorough, written great cover letters, been on top of my game. but still nothing. and it stinks.

I am just in a bad mood, hopefully by Friday i will have gotten at least one interview!

Introducing Baby Extrodinaire:
Amelia Dulcinea Oakes

brought to you by Proud Aunties INC.

Which Office Character Are You?
	You are Pam. You are sweet and likable, but your shyness makes it hard for you to express yourself sometimes. Regardless, you are always there for your friends and will usually come out of your shell to help anyone.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

there ya go, receptionist jobs here i come

Nothing new has really happened to warrant blogging except that i like to hear myself talk, again proving that the sole purpose of blogs, or at least my blog, is unadulterated self-worship. well, not really, but maybe trying to create the pretense of having something worth while to contribute or say.

speaking of jobs, its amazing to me how much i want a job that sounds cool simply so that i will sound cool. Seriously, i am ambitious (or vain) and want to look good in the eyes of others. and i want to do it with paid vacations and a work day that begins at ten in the morning. that's not too much to ask is it? Then why is it that i am always drawn to non-profit or volunteer jobs.

Megan won't lend me her book until i finish the one i am reading, or have been trying to read since December. its not a bad book, i really like it, hence my continued effort to finish it, its just i have a mental block when it comes to non-fiction. If it is in narrative form i can plow through it without a problem, but when it comes to things of substance, well....i am so easily distracted then by the stories in my head.

I also hate the feeling i get sometimes of tangled, indefinable emotion, where the only words i can find to label what i am feeling are angry, weary, frustrated. and i guess the frustrating part is not that these emotions are present but rather that i don't know what is causing them or how to express them properly. and so i stew and hit things about until everything comes into order, which i guess it must inevitably do, but i never know how long it will take. My brain is such a bother.

And I will soon be an aunt and all i could think about in church today was how excited i am to gain this new title. I cannot wait. Words cannot describe how much i like babies, especially ones that i am related to.

and we have not seen any bears yet.

My new green room....





pictures from the boston segment of road trip gloriousness...

i am bewitched by the city. tall buildings. lots of people. full of potential.

Megan and I have laid claim to a corner of a coffee shop, fortifying our defenses against encroachment, this is our place, our table, our bookshelves. we plan to stay many more hours. the reason for this illegal squatting in a public space? the inevitable job quest. I have 3 more minutes of play time before i must return to the search. I am scared.

We have nested in the house, setting up our individual spaces, unpacking our belongings. well, megan is done unpacking, I have decided to take over two rooms to fit all my stuff. Last night we painted and my room is beautiful. i will not describe it, i will simply let the pictures take your breathe away. when i take some. i like how quiet it is. silence can be so loud.

i have been commanded to blog.

i am on a road trip of mammoth perportions. with Megan and Jennifer. and we are in Boston.

Highlights:

Bridges
34 police cars sighted
Getting lost driving in D.C.
Riding the Metro with Rachel
A bee in the car causing utter choas
Reading aloud the epic novel, The Blue Sword
Discovering that our given directions forgot to identify one way streets
The car bottoming out in Jonathan's parking lot
Seeing Tons of Dolphins at the beach
Seeing Becca in Virginia
Pedicures

and lots of laughter

well, my softball team, the food bank mafia, are offical the rec co-ed league champions, woot woot. here is our team photo, which looks bizarre and i think was extensively photo shopped, a skill which guy claims, though, frankly, all his photo shopped finished products look strange...judge for yourself.

i have been going and going and going and telling myself that it is humanly possible to keep up the hours i've been working, don't think about it christa, just keep going. and now i am done and my brain is thinking about things other than fence slates, screws, and drills that don't work. and i can neither confirm nor deny that i am freaking out. a little. mindless packing will do that do you too.

these last few weeks have been like the ending of a bad teen movie, i mean, really? truth is stranger than fiction in these last days in alamosa. Lulu had their final concert, which went really well. The four of us in the group have decided to stage a huge fight as explanation for why the group must part ways. artistic differences is a cooler reason than new jobs. then we had geek prom. amazing. tonight is the final game in softball, for the championship. and last night our accountant through us a medieval going away banquet. she wouldn't give us forks. really.

all that to say there are no words to describe my relief and sorrow that this experience is over and am glad that i will still be in Colorado so that i don't really have to say goodbye to anyone. there will be many tears, regardless.