Can of Worms

i beginning to wonder if i am a commitment-phobe. I had an interview yesterday (yes!) but my blood turned to ice water when the words "this is a career building position, i am looking for someone to replace me in three to four years" came out of the admissions director's mouth. eeek! i struggle with just being in one place for one year alone! i am not going to lie, i had nightmares last night about the position. sigh. so we will see. maybe she just didn't like me and then i don't have to make another hard decision.

Last night megan and i watched our neighbors little boy, an extremely capable five year old who can drive his mini-gator (he would sigh with exasperation, miss christa it is not a truck, its a gator) better than i ever could. Now, i don't consider myself a weak person or lacking firm decision skills but it quickly became very clear in this babysitting scenario i was the push over. i asked him several times not to put lucy, his dog, in the back of his gator and he was stilled unconvinced but megan had to say it only once and he immediately complied. this happened over and over again throughout the evening. apparently children have a sixth sense when it comes to identifying...well, whatever it was i seemed to subconsciously express. thankfully megan was there other wise i don't think he would have ever gone to bed. sigh. i have been told before though that i have trouble being firm-that i can try to say something strict but it inevitably comes across nice. this is why i have made a commitment to saying no this year - to practice building boundaries with people i don't know. I seem to have no problem saying no or expressing my boundaries clearly with people that are closest to me, its rude cashiers and rowdy children that i become meek around and lose the ability to stand up for myself. psychoanalyze that.

thankfully God said to me the other day, Christa, I think you should __________ and ___________. That way __________ and _____________will happen.
Thanks God,I said, I will get right on that and _____________.

(shamelessly stolen from dan)