here are the non-scary pics. to get to our base camp of lake como we had to hike about five miles up an atrocious jeep road, so lots of rocks and little shade. but the lake was gorgeous. the mountain you can see above lake como is little bear, blanca is just around the corner.

the ascent of mount doom...

well it wasn't really mount doom but there really were times i thought i was on the verge of blinking out of exisitence on this last hiking excursion. Emmy, Sam, Shawna, and I hiked up to mt. Blanca, the local fourteener (In mountaineering terminology in the United States, a fourteener is a mountain that exceeds 14,000 feet (4,267.2 m) above mean sea level. The importance of fourteeners is greatest in Colorado, which has the majority of such peaks in North America. Climbing all of Colorado's fourteeners is a popular pastime among peak baggers. wikipedia)Mt Blanca is the 4th highest mountain in Colorado at 14, 345 feet . And the third and scariest fourteener I have ever climbed. We are talking bouldering along a steep basin wall, don't look down and don't look up, but cling to the rock oh heavens am i there yet scary. i don't have a lot of pics from the top but have some from the first half of our hike so i posted some of the ones we used as our map... i love how easy the little blue line makes it look, la di da, just walk along here, boop boop boop, here we go... meanwhile i was trying not to throw up.

while i am doing links....

katherine sent this to me...and it is exactly how i feel



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM

check out my mom at her cool conference!
http://www.lindau-nobel.de/content/section/2/17/
go to live feed, click on opening ceremonies and you get a scan of mom at about a minute and 48 seconds. woot woot! (she is in polka dots)

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All my pictures are out of order. in this interactive blog it is up to you to place them in the correct sequence. (each ___ indicates a corresponding picture)

Last saturday Emmy and I decided to hike the infamous South Zapata Lake Trail. We left the house at 6:00 am in order to be able to hike in the cool morning air and be below the tree line by noon-ish. ___ This was the view from the bottom of the mountain, while our legs were fresh and the sun was not quite above the mountains. We had to cross south zapata creek several times. At our first crossing I suggested we try to cross barefoot for there were not enough rocks to hop across on. That was a miserable idea, for once I got both feet in the water I could no longer feel them. Then we saw the logs that everyone else was smart enough to cross on ____. The trail was really hard in some spots, with really steep inclines and lots of skree, there was more than one spot where i stopped to take in the scenary and to rearrange my lungs so the insides were inside again and the outsides outside again ____. Before we knew it we were halfway there and we could see the valley through the trees ____ and decided to stop for a snack. unfortuately an accident of gravity caused some of the gorp to spill on the trail and to remain in keeping with Leave No Trace techniques, we were beholden to eat it. off the ground. i actually really don't mind eating off the ground but in this particular case bark seemed to always make it into my mouth, no matter how hard i examined each handful____. After our break we crossed the creek again ___ and then the trail opened up into a beautiful valley ____ where I did break out singing 'The Hills are alive with the sound of music' It was stunning. By this point we had been hiking 3.5 hours and, not going to lie, were exhausted! The first body of water I saw, I was sure it was the lake and ran toward it, doing a celebration dance when emmy pointed out that it was rather small ____. oops. So we continued on, drawing closer and closer to the mountain, hoping over each knoll there was a lake ___. And finally! we saw it South Zapata Lake____. Emmy striking her victory pose ___.


Next week Blanca!



(correct order: 9,10,6,12,7,11,8,2,1,3,4)

last night we won our softball game, 11-4. and we were down two players, playing 8 to 10. and i made another out at home. and i walloped the ball when at bat and it went past second base. unfortunately it was in a lovely arc that inevitably ends in an out. oh well.

other amazing christa moments (you know you all want to see me play):
-dashing to second and slipping on the sandy base, falling on my butt but maintaining enough clarity to reach back and snag the mound with my hand.
-a batter's foul ball ricocheting off my knee cap. ouch.
-same batter, different foul just slipping out of my glove as i dove for it.
-flirting with the umpire, per usual.

i am exhausted. right now i almost feel like i am having an out of body experience as i try and gear up to go lead my group for the day.

wish me luck.

i made a vow this week to be more positive in my verbal expression of my opinions of the people i encounter in my life.

today this vow was sorely tried.

a gentleman in my workgroup actually called me 'honey' in that dripping, condescending tone of voice that automatically triggers every ninja-like quality within me. the man was lucky i was weedwacking and could thus take out my anger on the innocent weeds. he thought i was 'sweet and all' but didn't want to 'offend my sensibilities' with his plan to keep the yard we were working on weed free. he didn't want to tell me, i assume, because it was clear that i did not agree with his declaration that the poor people who lived there were 'lazy.' i am sorry, there are more important things than yards, like PEOPLE, and i would like to see him live the life of a single mom with three kids working two jobs and come home at night and pull weeds it instead of putting your kids to bed. I bit my lip instead of yelling WHY ARE YOU HERE? HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF MERCY OR COMPASSION? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? but instead i smiled and pulled sniveling weeds from the ground.


and this was only one incident.


so things i am thankful for:

i only had to work a day and a half with this man
i had a dance party in the work shop with three middle school girls
i saw Georgia who loves me and can get me to do anything for her because she loves my cobbler
happy hour at the brew pub

summertime does well by me.

i spelled my own name wrong - can you find it?

i am at the local boys and girls club, layin' down some tracks, as it were. yo. so far we have recorded 'uncommonly familiar' our one successful original (we have many originals, but we don't talk about all of them) and now Rachel is working on 'godspeed' our flutist has a migraine and cannot be here tonight but hopefully she will come record soon. our contact in the boys and girls club will only be here for june, so we are trying to get as much done as possible to capture the short life of LuLu. i actually really do not like recording because, well, i can hear all my mistakes. and there are a lot. hopefully technological magic can smooth out all the rough edges.

working with volunteers makes me very self-reflective (because of vanity? chirstacentric thinking?) but i always think of what my mom once said, that you children are a reflection of yourself. so my work group and their attitudes, enjoyment of the week, etc. is a reflection of my attitude and ability to lead, etc. so basically i am constantly freaking out. but i am getting better at it. and on one of the evaluations filled out by work group member one person put ' christa is great. could use a clone of her' so i've got that going for me.

i am at the local boys and girls club, layin' down some tracks, as it were. yo. so far we have recorded 'uncommonly familiar' our one successful original (we have many originals, but we don't talk about all of them) and now Rachel is working on 'godspeed' our flutist has a migraine and cannot be here tonight but hopefully she will come record soon. our contact in the boys and girls club will only be here for june, so we are trying to get as much done as possible to capture the short life of LuLu. i actually really do not like recording because, well, i can hear all my mistakes. and there are a lot. hopefully technological magic can smooth out all the rough edges.

working with volunteers makes me very self-reflective (because of vanity? chirstacentric thinking?) but i always think of what my mom once said, that you children are a reflection of yourself. so my work group and their attitudes, enjoyment of the week, etc. is a reflection of my attitude and ability to lead, etc. so basically i am constantly freaking out. but i am getting better at it. and on one of the evaluations filled out by work group member one person put ' christa is great. could use a clone of here' so i've got that going for me.

Today is one of those days for me where i just want to stretch out in the sun until I am empty and can think straight again. Or just sit in silence with no need to think about when i need to move or talk again, rather i can just sit with only infinate time as my companion. and maybe a book.

I had a thought today about my work group. one of the things i try to talk about in regards to the homeless is how everyone has a story and everyone has a past and that it is so important not to judge on what you see but to spend time getting to know a person, see what is really going on. and it struck me that some members of this work group seemed to be battling their own demons as well. I mean, so many people come wanting to 'help' (i just heard someone say that 'help' and 'nice' are the worst of the four letter words. amen) and this mentality makes us unable to see our own brokenness or our own need for community or whatever. but some people in this group seemed so sad and i hate that i couldn't, you know, intrude in their lives and minds and ask them what was going on or what is wrong. (also, interesting personal insight, if something is wrong i assume i am the cause or reason for it, which more often than not is not the case. i wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what i was doing wrong, but it wasn't about me. maybe its simply a symptom of vanity and selfishness. but i don't know how to deprogram my brain. besides the afore mentioned sitting in the sun until all bad juju seeps away) only five more hours of work in this ten hour day of mine. i need a hammock, a tree house, a stream, a cone of cream and dream, or a nap to piece back together my brain.

today i discovered one of my favorite author's websites.

and i love her even more. we could be bosom friends.

www.robinmckinley.com

i would recommend reading her FAQs section (link found at the bottom of the website)

and i need to buy her new book, Sunshine. and she has another coming out this fall.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!

8 yr olds

i have had two encounters with 8 yr old boys this week:
1. snotty kid heckling me at the softball game as i was at bat = brat.
2. sweet kid in my work group who, i think, has a crush on me. he always sits by me, leans his head on my shoulder, and follows me around talking about all his cuts and scraps and how much he loves his dog. this amazing boy redeems the previous not-so-nice boy in my esteem of 8 yr olds.

Here is a sampling of my trip to NC, out of order, yet still fabulous. I had lots of good times with my family and spent a lot of time catching up with as many people as I could fit into my brief trip.


Ellen, Katrina, and I went on a wine tasting adventure in the boondocks of NC. We went to the Uharrie Vineyard, which was great, and then went to Albemarle for lunch at The Goody Shop, an old school diner that was amazing (especially because of the huge portrait of Scarlett O'Hara, that was my favorite part) Our second winery, old stone winery, was not as good as the first, but still lots of fun.

Jennifer and Amy came over for dinner. We sat on the porch in true southern style and gabbed about what has happened in the past year.

On the way to Virginia we stopped by Raleigh to see Megan. It was great to catch up, although brief. and we found a bag with our band name in it. I can neither confirm nor deny that Megan pilfered a charm off of one of the bags for me. (YAY!)

Mom, Dad, and I went to Virginia Beach to see Kat and Josh's new house. Sophie and Denali tried out the new baby jumper. They approve.

Danny and I went to the Colombian Zoo, which was small but very fun, mostly because Dan's my favorite animal. We also went to a used bookstore, a great cafe, and played guitar together. Which means mostly Dan played and I watched (he's really good). Then we drove up to Charlotte and had dinner with the 'rents and went to see Pirates 3 (argh!).

now and then...

i always get nostalgic when on stage in my life (aka americorp year) ends and another begins. i am that person who looks through photo albums on a daily basis. anyway, i was just thinking about how little has really happend in my life in the past year (in terms of BIG EVENTS) but how much i have changed. i am incredibly different. a little more sure of myself, of who i want to be, a little more at peace (on some days), and just really different. thats all i can say really.

(and there is nothing like rock climbing in your pjs. )

a fun sunday walk...

and our youngest fan.

Listen to the Sun, by joelle and christa



Chorus:
we are gamboling a la luna
to listen to the sun
for to gossip about the wizard
by the side of the road
we wear borrowed crowns
from the old Dandy Lion
capturing amarillo from the air
to savor later
we are dreaming

we fancy ourselves pirates
sailing on stolen winds
tasting blue as we charge
carefree into rolling mirrors
reflecting the griffins, sprites,
and imps of our minds
this ship is our mistress,
this day is our own

we are leaved children
of sage giants
purple plum kisses
tatooed on our skin
This grove is our fortress
green banners flutter overhead
mariposas beckon us
this day is our own

we are mermaids in a glen
smooth pale pebbles worship our toes
gurgling azul tempts
our little lovers to steal away
refresing sips of cattails
the sweet taste of laughter
the brook echoes our sighs
this day is our own








i feel like anne of green gables who discovers that her writing is ridiculous (the tree and mermaid verses are my favorites)

so joelle and i wrote a new song today. we were drooling over the lyrics, using tantalizing verbs, thrilled with our own cleverness. and then we tried to set it to music. and realized we are complete dorks. sigh. it would only work as a fantasy rock song, accompanied by a music video with druids, fog machine, and dark cloaks. regardless, i still love the lyrics. it fits very nicely if sung to the lord of the rings theme. we decided we should turn it into an epic opera instead. i am still trying to decide if i should share them or not. i don't know if my heart can stand the laughter that the song begs. hmmm.


i love you mom!!!

I wish I was the moon by Neko Case

Chimney falls and lovers blaze
Thought that I was young
Now I've freezing hands
And bloodless veins
As numb as I've become
I'm so tired, I wish I was the moon tonight

Last night I dreamt I'd forgotten my name
'Cause I sold my soul
But I woke just the same
I'm so lonely, I wish I was the moon tonight

God blessed me I'm a free man
With no place free to go
Paralyzed and collared-tight
No pills for what I fear
This is crazy, I wish I was the moon tonight

Chimney falls as lovers blaze
I thought that I was young
Now I've freezing hands
And bloodless veins As numb as I've become
I'm so tired, I wish I was the moon tonight

How will you know if you've found me at last?
'Cause I'll be the one, be the one, be the one
With my heart in my lap
I'm so tired I'm so tired
And I wish I was the moon tonight

I'm so tired I'm so tired
And I wish I was the moon
I'm so tired I'm so tired
And I wish I was the moon tonight

and the distraught lady called again (is it mere coincidence that the cat and lady appear simultaneously?), but this time to apologize for the mean thing she said to me and we talked for 20 minutes about her history of abuse, illness, everything. how horrible to be so alone in your life that a 23 year old stranger is the only person you have to talk to. how horrible.

make that three times i have let the cat out (she is so cute, she is always in the same spot on the couch)

Today has been a strange day...

i haven't been sleeping well, so i come to work grumpy. very grumpy. thankfully as the day progressed my mood got better.

and then i received two phone calls while at work that make me feel powerless and like sobbing. Some people are so alone, so desperate that all my own loneliness is inconsequential. How do you fix these things that are so screwed up, how do you help people with no hope, who long for death. this woman left me speechless with sorrow.

highlight of my day: there is a sweet little cat, all white with a black moon shape next to her ear, that lives in the backyard of the shelter. She is pregnant and all the guests let her into the house on the sly. Today i found her twice on the couch, having to carry her out. the guest call me heartless for doing so, but in good humor. They take it as their job and duty to let her in and its mine to let her out. So we just play the game. But i love this cat now and love the excuse to pick her up. She is very gentle, never scratches, just lies in my arms, looking dreamily at me. I may look into adoption.

Joelle and i were ecstatic to find a song cycle of Tolkien poems set to music by a guy name Swann when we were looking more music to boost our LuLu repertoire. We were so excited by the prospect of classical music and the wonderful words of Tolkien combined but alas, when Joelle began to run through the songs they were worse than mediocre. Then we read the bio of Swann and he is some sort of stage lyricist, all that to say he degraded Tolkien to the caliber of predictable songs of the 30s. I mean, i love an oldie goldie from the 30s but for Tolkien!?! Is he crazy!?! sigh. i am disgusted and disgruntled.

musings

i have been thinking a lot lately about how one presents oneself to new people. for example, i am working with a lot of work groups from other churches i am have to be nice and polite and talk about how great la puente is and how we need their money. and it is good and i like it. but it is interesting when i have a group of all men. especially older men, who know how to do construction. i become a little girl that doesn't know much about what i am doing. however, if, say, carman, my housemate, is leading with me, he immediately commands the respect of the group. now, carman and i have very different leadership styles. Carman always speaks with authority, even when he has no idea what he is talking about. but he pretends to know whats going on, very convincingly. While i just do it differently, if i don't know, i say so, but i find out the answer. But does carman's reception of respect have to do with his leadership style or his sex. all that to say, i have led two groups of mostly older men and i usually get very frustrated by being 'the girl' and leading the few women that came in 'women's work' (cooking and sorting clothes). my point is, though i get frustrated, how much am i contributing to this perception of myself? are my assumptions about how i am going to be perceived create an inclination to fulfill the role that i think is expected of me? Is it easier for me to step into those roles rather than counteract them? and why is that when i counteract them, i get teased for being independent, difficult, and/or get silly nicknames like 'muscles' or i get people rolling their eyes at me for putting up a fuss? why can't a woman be both strong and feminine, or why does that seem so hard to achieve? why do i play the ditz sometimes, when that's not who i am at all (well maybe sometimes)? why do i get called baby at the shelter? Why if i cook a good dinner or am seen sweeping, i get comments about me being a good wife?

i just babbling really, but i don't like being put in any box, i don't like people making assumptions based on me being a girl, and i don't like being leered at. at this point, i am tired of sketchy guys making comments that they think are flattering but are highly offensive.

for the sake of Carman, i also want to say 1. Carman is a fantastic leader 2. why do women get away with making comments about men, at least more often now a days, say when a hot guy comes on the television, yet women will also jump all over a dude if he made comments about a woman in the same way? its a two way street

i am simply trying to put into words some of my frustrations, rather inadequately i am afraid. i may delete this later.

LuLu

our groupies: kevin, shawna, emmy, and carman

band:nora, rachel, joelle, me

you know you are a musician when:

you keep calling softball practice rehearsal.

other silly things of the week:

i made cake for 50 people and forgot to put in the sugar

i tried to find meat on pigs feet (and people ask why i am now trying the lifestyle of a vegetarian)

stranger than fiction is a great movie

i am getting my hair cut today after not cutting since last July (i am not going to cut it all off, never fear)

Carman, my housemate, is leaving next week and i am very sad

when asked what movies i rented i said 'frank sinatra' when what i meant was 'marie antoinette' which has nothing to do with frank sinatra, obviously

and over all, most people are very very silly

today as a warm fuzzy closer to our staff meeting we were all randomly put into pairs and had to use one word to describe the other person in a positive manner. the person i was paired with i know kind of well, i really like her, she is the office manager and lives in the mountains in a totally sustainable and pro-environment manner (like with a cool composting toilet, no electricity, and lots of solar power) anyway the word she used to describe me was real. which was so encouraging to me because all i really want is to be authentic, genuine, real, and honest. and apparently i am, to a certain extent, enough that this woman who doesn't know me too well can say that 'realness' is a descriptor of my personality. so it made me happy.