I definitely have a case of the back to school blues. Really? Another semester? Aren't I done yet? I am cleaning, prepping notebooks, vacuuming, doing vacation laundry (sniff, vacation...I miss you) and trying to not have an anxiety attack. Gone is the ignorant optimism of pre-nursing school, here is the present reality of what I must do again. And then twice more.

But then I will graduate and its tantalizing, as usually, to plan all of the imaginary possibilities of where I may go and what I may do. I will probably stay here but I like to plan all the same.

Its raining, a great excuse to stay indoors and sew.

Things I love

Danny working at El Burrito, Mom and Abbie eating at El Burrito (its really, really delicious), the show

Also, I don't have a genetic disorder, in case you were wondering.

I am the only one in the school library right now, except for the unfortunate woman whose office is located within this tomb of silence and soulful studying. No, a masters student just came in. I can tell she is a masters student (or doctoral) because she has the wizened look of one who has been studying too long. And she is here.

I passed all my exam. I survived. I am waiting for last official grades because I can't trust my math enough to work out exactly what my final grade may be. They weight them so your final exam is 40% of your grade, which means that basically what you make on the final is what you make in the class. No pressure. I am trying not to obsess about grades and am doing pretty well. Its not that I need them to prove my worth, I want them so I can get scholarships. Also, there is a devilish part of me that wants to slip under the radar of all the ostentatiously smart folks who go around lording their intelligence like its a badge of honor and then end up with a quietly smug, yet higher GPA. The devilish part of me, I know.

These past few days have been filled with sun, lounging, spontaneous naps, roller coasters, meals with friends, running, and sleeping. Its been great. I still have an extensive to-do list however, which includes the GRE, which I am to take tomorrow. I am a little nervous and thus I am at the library to study, which ends up looking more like blogging. I am also a little nervous that I am still exhausted and long for a cup of coffee each morning to jolt my brain into functioning. Question 1: How did I manage to stay awake this entire semester? Question 2: How will I stay awake for next semester?

I lost my cell phone or it was stolen. This was one instance where I was distinctly aware of the location of my phone until it was gone (on the window ledge in the gym. I stepped out just for a moment and then it was gone. boo.). I need a new one. I realized that I use my phone to tell time and without it, I don't actually know the hour of the day. I should start watching the sun I suppose.

Exam Delirium

I have no explanation. These, however, are my dear, dear friends without which I would not have survived the semester...

And that's how its done kids. Okay, almost done. One more exam. One more. Then three weeks that will include:

nachos, running, reading, making a medical taboo game, illegal street art, Charlotte and Sea Wolf Mutiny, Colorado, Minnesota and Farm weddings, Pirates with Laura, sleeping, dress making, learning lady gaga dance moves, making hair clips, sleeping, Zoolander, pie shakes, dance parties, waffles, card games, movies, sleeping, watching other people sky diving, head stands, the GRE, writing my masters application (again - I know, I keep changing what program I want to do....), curing diabetes, sleeping, sitting in the sun, secretly studying for next semester....in a fun way......

and now I have to start working.

I hope to never become a person who assumes that simply because I am in the midst of something hard and demanding I am inherently "better" or "smarter." Smart has no value; perseverance does. Being in this ridiculous program does not make me superior to anyone else and its hard to talk to people who think that it does (when the statement "We deserve to be taught by PhDs" comes out of your neighbor's mouth, you know you are in trouble). The value of being here is not that it proves how smart anyone is; the value is that this program teaches you to work hard and do more than you thought you could. While dancing between egos I like to think about this. All in all, I like the person I am becoming here. Like pushing an orange through a sieve, hopefully I will become refreshing and pulp-free.

I am an aunt again! Welcome to the family Emmaline Arabella!

I have cut off my hair and I love that its gone. My hair was the longest it had ever been and I was delighted to discover that I have ringlets (at least 3) when I first get out of the shower. That and the inch I magically grew (taller) prove that God is always listening. But then I decided to cut it all off on an impulse. Why? Because nursing school requires ponytails if hair is longer than your chin and that gets old fast. Though the hairdresser was a little too-cool-for-school, telling us about the book on stalin she is reading and how she doesn't watch tv (you know, like no one else was ever cool enough to not watch tv and read about stalin. Dude, I am in nursing school. I don't watch tv and I do wound care. I am cooler. done.) you know you can always trust a hipster with your hair. I have a ode-to-the-twenties bob with a flirty swoop of bangs that invariably leads you to my come hither eyes. Or something like that. Bottom line: easy to do, I look more pulled together, fun excuse for cute hair clips. done.

Various study sessions, wound care, online lab simulations (shockingly hard...what do you do when your patient codes?), freaking out over the schedule in July and the depth of patho we must know, and concluding with our rockin' study group, dubbed "Team Awesome." From left to right, Kim, me, Jolene, Liz, and Holly. Test one down, a million to go.

If the number of craft and design blogs I haven't read indicate how productive I have been (198 190) I have been very productive. Very.

(I miss you craft and design blogs.)

The way things work

Pathophysiology is the best class ever! Dynamic instructors and a lecture that discussed the following:
- worst hockey injury ever (not for the faint of heart)
- the best frostbite, amputation, and gas gangrene pictures I have ever seen
-Florence Nightengale and her pet owlette, Athena

Today I ventured on another sweat-soaked adventure, as each outing into the steaming city leaves you glowing (wilting). But I returned successful! I lugged my three terra cotta pots and 16 quart bag of soil onto the bus, with miracle grow tucked in my pocket. My plants will not die! I procured a farmer's market steal (3 basil plants for $6) and quizzed the farmer who sold them to me on how I too could grow/sustain/not kill innocent green things. I see this as my first real patient-caretaker interaction, if anyone is keep track. Once home I sloppily baptized the pots with white paint (so hot, the paint dried the instant I lifted my brush, making for awkward pot-paint negotiations), painting swirls and squiggles to my hearts content. Soon, ground breaking and planting. They will not die! Also, I discovered that Ace hardware is, apparently, my inner city stop for all needed kitchen supplies. I swear I asked every person I passed in the street where I could buy a pie pan and there must be nary a pie in Baltimore because no one knew! But in addition to soil, keys, and paint, Ace is home to bundt and pie pans. Lovely.

Crisis!

Tomorrow is a holiday and all school buildings will be closed...which are the only places I go and I have THINGS to do! I have recruited another class mate to track down all of the study-able coffee shops in our neighborhood. We will frequent each for 4 hours before getting a brief break and returning to work. The day will end with sushi. I have met some great girls, one especially that will crack the whip and make me work hard to keep up with her. Awesome (not sarcastic, really, awesome).

Moments of fear and hope are crowding so closely together its hard to distinguish one from the other. I am sitting here thinking to myself, this is why we do things that are hard and challenging. This is why we put ourselves in places that make us uncomfortable or may seem impossible. This is where we grow.

Okay kids, its happening aka I am doing it aka first homework assignments aka classes start Tuesday aka holy crapola!

Phew! I am exhausted. But I sit here scanning my Nursing Care Plan text book, reading about patient education and sample patient histories and I am totally pumped! This year will be ridiculous, exhausting, and even more ridiculous, but whoa, I will learn a lot.

Summary:

- I found the nearest Good Will (snagged some steals, like a pie pan, cute cardigan, etc). At school we have to dress business casual everyday, meaning only a limited supply of my hippie dresses are doing to be acceptable. And I can't wear sandals. And its humid and feels like 100 degrees outside (Come on!). But it will be okay because there is a H&M and I found a buddy that will clothing swap with me and I have a few more bedsheets I can turn into darling sun dresses. The Good Will was quality, though the lady at the counter looked at us like we were the scum of the earth. Nothing like a good ol' stink eye to throw you off your thrifting game.

- First load of laundry here went well. Clothes drying on the balcony. Check.

- Made a list of homework. And I wrote my new resume. Can you believe at orientation they talked to us about writing resumes? That's how fast this program is.

- Tomorrow: Yoga in the park, farmer's markets, more exploring, syllabus party, etc. etc.

Do you remember August in Hinton James with no air conditioning? Anyone? That is what it is like here except its still May. August will kill me. I literally woke up last night in a claustrophobic fit because I couldn't escape the hot, sweaty sleeping bag I was trapped in. Except there was no sleeping bag. It was the air.

Baltimore is my dragon that has taken me home (aka my eczema is healing and my asthma is gone because this city has no trees. A bittersweet victory.)

I almost feel like I need to rename the blog to signify the shift that has occurred, this move that in some ways does represent a very significant change in my life course. But I won't, you will have to discern the shift yourself, aka my absence due to excessive amounts of work.

First apartment-made meal in Baltimore: Homemade Hash Browns and a Cheeky Chick In A Loop

What is a Cheeky Chick in a Loop you ask? Well, it is a sandwich of my own invention and it is delicious. It's grilled cheese meets egg in a nest equals awesome.

Want to try this at home? Here's how:

1. Take two pieces of bread, cut one hole in each of them, of equal diameter. Eat the rounds

2. Place butter in a a heated pan, listen for a sizzle

3. Place one piece of bread in the pan and place tiny squares of cheese all around the edges (not in the hole!)

4. Place the second piece of bread on top, aligning the holes

5. Cook, flipping as needed, as cheese melts

6. Before cheese is completely melted, crack an egg in the hole

7. Cook until egg is semi solid, then flip

8. Once browned to perfection, enjoy!

YUM!

Okay, things about Baltimore:

- I live in the cultural district, which means a giant library and at least 4 museums within walking distance, several historical houses to tour, and lots of beautiful churches.

- Pretty enclosed courtyard in the apartment complex, also lots of locks and gates (for safety, Dad. I am very safe.)

- I am next to the Peabody Conservatory, which means easy music library access and limitless concerts

- The apartment is international! Moving out: a Korean and Canadian, moving in: a gal from Hong Kong and gal from Jamaica. Vieen is cute and hilarious, plays violin and studies public policy (Favorite incident so far: my uncle asked if she had a dolly and she quickly said yes. A few minutes later she was handed him a dollar expectantly, confused at his confusion. Dolly and dollar, not the same). Rhonde selected the best Korean food for lunch, winning MVP for the day, and is a Chemistry PhD candidate.

- This is a city, rolling, loud, walkable

- I am at the sea! The harbor is beautiful, with giant ships, er, one giant ship. I haven't figured out where the rest of them are.

Tonight I get the house to myself. I am resting, contemplating how to organize things. Unfortunately, I can't unpack until my first day of classes, when someone moves out of my room. Ack! But then I get the whole place to myself for three weeks! Eureka! Let the decorating begin!

Projects for this week:

Futon cover

Finish bedding

Decorative pillows

Dinnerpolooza

Oh the fun, oh the food, oh the dishes!

Pie Crazy

Can you tell its a slow day at work? I am currently researching pie recipes and all I want to do is go home and whip up the most abundant batch of pie crust ever seen by the world and bake pie after pie. Spinach ricotta, zucchini and corn, buttermilk shoefly, apple, maple pumpkin, and anything with cloud or lemon in the title. How many years until my retirement pie shop can exist?

Also, I am about to lose my mind I am so excited about Baltimore. LOSING IT! What did I do today other than look up pie recipes? Search the Johns Hopkins public health website and explored many of their community outreach programs - including their food and faith initiative to bring fresh food and produce into the inner city. I have already cultivated a list of organizations to volunteer at and explore. This is my dream! It is coming true! I am going to be equipped with a career that lets me help people, be involved in gardens, children, delicious food, community education, sunshine, making a difference, and I can make money. Praise the Lord! No, seriously, some praise is due.