Summer is buzzing by like a fly on a ... well, like a fly flying by. I guess.

Went on a hike, got a blister, walked the last 6 miles in my socks. Awesome.

School is great. Crazy, but great. Its the first time in a long time that I actually feel really good at something.

I am watching a Lady Gaga interview on Fuse (yes, yes I am) and I am kind of obsessed with her because she is ridiculous. She takes herself SO SERIOUSLY. I am like, dude, I think you are wearing part of an old bike or maybe its a trombone around your neck as jewelry, how can I listen to you say phrases like, "The music belongs with the people." Really, with the people? Good to know.

Other favorite phrases:
I have not yet defined my aesthetic.
Was I tormented in HS? Yes.
I'm a closer.
To me, music is a spiritual experience.
Its the yang to the yin of fame.
My little monsters (fans), I know what they need (referring to giving them pieces of her old wigs).
My show is like an exorcism.

I mean, it all sounds a little cliche for someone trying to be so original. Nothing personal, Lady Gaga, you just make me laugh.

"I don't know what happened in your life that caused you to develop a sense of humor as a coping mechanism, maybe it was a leg brace or corrective boot in your childhood, but anyway I am glad you are on my team."

-30 Rock

Yeah, that's me. Leg brace, kickball season, 4th grade. Let the riotous laughter begin.

Shirley Maclaine in Steel Magnolias is the most amazing thing ever.



Ever.

"In a spirit of mutinous resistance, she climbed the steep, grassy slope to the bridge, and when she stood on the driveway, she decided she would stay there and wait until something significant happened to her. This was the challenge she was putting to existence - she would not stir, not for dinner, not even for her mother calling her in. She would simply wait on the bridge, calm and obstinate, until events, real events, not her own fantasies, rose to her challenge, and dispelled her insignificance."

- Atonement

Last night I dreamed I was in the 1800s at a large party for Harriet Beecher Stowe, who I was, apparently, obsessed with. To show my affection, I made her a cake, a spicy Stowe cake. I can't recall all the details but the event was some sort of conference where I really had no place being. I slipped up to Stowe, told her how wonderful I thought she was and that if she had time, I had made her a cake. It wasn't until the end of the night that she declared she wanted some cake, so I whisked up the stairs (in my ball gown complete with hoop skirt), cut her a generous slice of cake, and topped it with Devonshire cream. And then, with everyone watching, she took a heaping bite...and loved it. Naturally. Thus we were declared friends forever.

My glasses spontaneously broke. There is one stem missing but thankfully I can still balance them on my nose with the other stem...Awkward but effective.

Another funny bonfire moment: At some point into the night, a boy jumped over the fire, which was startling because he ran right by us and then just leapt. A few minutes later, this little Asian girl asked me to move over and then she ran to leap over the fire. I gasped, and then screamed, "But you're short!!" as she leapt, because really, there was no physical way she would make it over. And she didn't. Thankfully she was quick on her feet and was able to keep her momentum moving forward and thus fell out of the fire. But kind of funny that I didn't choose to say, you know, Be Careful! or Jump High! Nope, You are Short was my warning.

Hung out with some Mormons tonight...got hit on by a Mormon boy. I felt kind of bad for the bait and switch (sorry kid, I'm protestant). He insisted I take his number. Turns out the whole event is was basically a giant singles/mating ritual. Good times.

Average time to walk to school: 15 minutes
Average time to read a chapter: 2.5 hours
Average time to do Chem Homework: 2.5 hours
Average time to do lab preparation: 3 hours
Average time to fall asleep: 3 femtoseconds

So week two of school has revealed a truth that we all know: I don't have a slow speed. As I look toward what the summer has in store for me and I see that I have to schedule a week long seminar class into the break in between the summer and fall semester, I realize that I will not have a true break until Christmas...heavens!

I think I attract interesting people or, maybe, I just see everyone as interesting. My Chem professor is a strange bird and yesterday he distributed a poem he wrote about chemistry. (Our extra credit on our exam is to learn the chemical formulas of the substances he mentions in the poem). Amazing! I totally had a Jim moment where I was looking for the camera to see if this was really happening. He read it aloud to us and we responded with a round of applause (brown-nose). It just makes me laugh so hard. I bet he will appreciate my lymerics.

Destiny

I am trying to come to grips with the fact that growing-up does not mean you ever know what you are doing. I treated myself to a movie yesterday - The Prince of Persia. It is my favorite kind of movie - light, action filled, with elements of the fantastic. And threaded with the theme of destiny.

I know I make fun of myself for being clumsy. I mean, I am a pretty easy target. But there are times when the epic inevitability of my clumsiness is just too much to take. Escaping my house after a less than productive afternoon, I walked to the grocery store, which is just a mile or so away from my house. As I bagged my groceries in the bags I brought (one made by Ms. Verch - thank ya ma'am!), I thought to myself, hmmm, I will carry my eggs by hand, so as not to break them. Unfortunately, one the way back home I straight out fell. Don't know what happened, there was nothing on the ground, I just fell. So there I was, on the side of the road, eggs cracked and broken, knees cut and bleeding. I walked home leaving a trail of blood and egg yolk, like some sort of twisted Hansel and Gretel.

Geek Out

It is time for me to embrace my inner geek. Little did I know a return to school would release my pent-up OCD; organizing notes, color-coded flash cards, knowing all the answers = yours rockin' truly. Yeah, I have already been made fun of in class for being type A. Just because I was the only one who did homework for the first lab when it wasn't required. I am thorough, ok!?! I watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and felt affirmed that it was okay to be crazy and a geek. So that girl walking down the street with her ipod, fanny pack, and a stack of index cards bigger than your head? Yeah, that's me.

I just realized that when my landlord called me asking if I heard any parties over the weekend, he was asking if I had any parties over the weekend. Which is ludicrous. I do watch BBC movies late at night, is that crazy enough for you? Apparently the people below us moved out and broke their lease because of my raucous habits, aka cello playing, sewing frenzies, and old movies. Really kids? Have you met me? I am an old woman.

In other bad news, my lab practicals in Anatomy are spelling dependent, meaning I have to be able to spell. Which makes sense, but does not bode well. And tomorrow I find out the score of my Chem placement exam, which won't drop me from Chem but the prof might suggest that I step down to a lower level. Fat chance, lets just hope I got 1/3 of the questions right.

Day Two of School: Everything is okay. Except I have a lot of studying to do. LOTS.

Okay, but really. Today was the first day of Chemistry and the prof is amazing. He is from the Dominican Republic, has a great accent, and a great sense of humor. I will never be able to fully explain his awesomeness, but I will give you the best quotes from the lecture:


"I am like a diver, I can smell a rotten problem. I go straight in the ocean to kill the octopus."
"I am not here to destroy your dreams, I am here to add gas to your wings. I am a poet."
"I am like a hawk!"
"You don't care about magic?"
"Rum is the spirit of life."
"Even Marijuana growers use the scientific method to make the pot stronger. That is what I call American ingenuity!"
"You think Chemistry is dry? Bullshit."

I didn't even take notes on Chemistry, I just wrote down his jokes or his attempted jokes. I think there is still something of a language barrier. Instead of "I wasn't born yesterday," he said "I didn't wake up this morning." Ha.

LAST DAY!

Lessons from the farm:

Christa! Don't forget your gloves!

Christa! Don't forget your hat!

Christa! Don't forget your water!

Christa! Don't forget your suncreen!

I am exhausted from four hours of weeding, scratched from nettles and raspberry bushes and sore from digging holes, and my ankles (only my ankles) are sunburned. How did that happen?

I made up this lymric while I was weeding:

I am tired of weeding this thistle
Though it gives me time to whistle
It would go by fast
If we used a blast
Why don't we weed with a missle?

I love the farm.

I thought this was creepy.

But then I saw this and this.

I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair...

Today I, yet again, washed my hair with something that is not shampoo. I think it was my body wash since I would have noticed the little exfoliaters from my face wash. What a mystery.

The times, they are a changing...

Yep, that's right. I have put in my notice, switched from a year's notice to three weeks. Three weeks! That gives me three weeks to secure loans, a part time job, register, buy books and a calculator. OMG! We just went into super drive and will not stop for the next two, three, or five years. But the end goal I have in view is being able to make a living, buy land, move to the country, build gardens, own goats, help people, travel, and, eventually, find rest.

And do you know what stress makes me do? Bake. I have been a veritable machine, motivated by nerves and a desire to get rid of all the potential edible temptations in my house. Bread, cinnamon rolls, soup, and a gorgeous dark chocolate tart have all been churned out of the oven in the last 48 hours.

You all have to check out Jessa's "the-gal-who-I-introduced-to-sewing-and-then-she-vastly-surpassed-me-in-skill-and-creativity" new blog and etsy web site. More importantly, you need to check out the precious purses she just crafted. For reals.

It is late, I should not be up but I am.

I am at work, writing an article about food and emotions, which is laughable given my propensity to use any little emotional trauma as a diving board into a pint of Ben and Jerrys. Choclate Chip Cookie Dough. Eaten while in a hot bath, reading a Jane Austen rip off or any sort of ridiculous historical fiction. Maybe with dragons. In the book, not the bath. However, here I am experiencing a now familiar scenario, trying to teach people about things I am still struggling with.

Here are some realizations, moments of clarity from my oh-so-crowded mind. I am learning there can be freedom in discipline. So many times when I try to eat well, there is this breath-caught-in-my-chest feeling that I am just waiting to see myself fail. Waiting for that time when all I really want is a cookie and gosh darn it, don't tell me no! But I feel like there has been a slow change, where eating good food isn't part of me trying to be something else but rather eating good food is just a part of who I am. Does that make sense? This perspective eliminates any sense of failure and makes me feel less desperate and more peaceful. And I almost want to cry from the relief of it.

I told the worship leader at church that I would play something for offering, which immediately led to anxiety and nausea. We settled on Bach and now I have been practicing feverishly. But I had a practice revelation last night! First, I started to memorize the piece I am going to play. It’s an oldie-goldie, one I have learned and played before, but the act of memorization produced remarkable results in the way I played. It made me start thinking about the piece rather than just reading it off the page. I began to understand it rather than be frustrated by it. I felt like my eyes were opened. I also stopped hold my bow like a weapon, which also improved my technique. Shocking.

Other news:

- I was trying to order sushi and I kept saying shusi. I said it, like, three times and couldn’t get it right. Very embarrassing. Stupid brain tumor.
- This weekend is my first farm day at the CSA. I almost want to get some new overalls in honor of it. But I wouldn’t want them to think I was kitschy. I will just stick to gingham and pig tails.
- There is a direct correlation between the number of hours I listen to Vampire Weekend and how happy I am.
- I cried a little when I realized that Lauren Conrad of “The Hills” and “The City” has published several young adult novels, which I discovered in an airport book store in March. Her book was rich in “OMG”s and “I knew he was the man of my dreams by the way he texted” and, this is a direct quote from L.A. Candy, “She had to take a shower, like, immediately. Who knew how long he had been in her bed, polluting it with Old Spice and Man Sweat.” Ah, sweet prose. (There are many questions raised by this evocative quote: How come she didn't know who was in her bed? Why is 'Man Sweat' capitalized? Why is 'immediately' italicized? Is this to ensure the reader grasps the depth of her emotion?) I was seized with anger, that young women might be reading this trash. Who knows how many girls have a library consisting onlyof Twilight and L.A. Candy!?! We need to start a Little Woman Fund to distribute Louisa May Alcott and George Eliot novels to this neglected populace. And hunt down LC. On a lighter note, I leave you with this.

I don't know what is happening in my brain, but I have not been on top of anything this weekend. I was going to play with a band, turns out I went on the wrong day. Skipped Bible study cause I felt like crap. Didn't go to orchestra dinner cause I forgot directions and Jessa had a more appealing movie-watching plan. I am so not on my game this week. Sigh. Alas, I am determined not to beat myself up about any of it, but just let it be. It is what it is. I can only try and do better.

Also, Andrea's Guinea Pig (GP) died on my watch, while she was out of town. In my defense, I wasn't required to do anything the GP, because she had all the food she needed for the week. But it was only this morning that I noticed she hadn't moved but even more telling, her food was untouched. I poked it and then called Andrea in a flurry. I think it had been dead for a while, maybe explaining why I kept thinking our apartment smelled funky. Poor GP, RIP.

Monday morning you sure look fine