i find that in this moment i only feel well if i move as little as possible, like do not move my head, speak, or blink. my eyeballs hurts. yep. today is my complaining day, tomorrow i am over it.

i had great pictures in store, but i cannot find my camera. i think it just hides from me. tomorrow i am running the health shop solo. lets hope all goes well. i have my minimum training and a large amount of b.s. to help me sail through sat and sun. excellent.

i have decided that my calling is to be an innkeeper.


but until then, i will be a receptionist.


i have had some crazy interviews, the wide range of businesses from childcare factories to a bill collector. thats right, i interviewed for a law firm that collects bills. the lady said she was afraid it may break me and i am too. so i think the alternative, warm fuzzy health spa may be a winner. i would get free massages and acupuncture.

today i chatted with an old lady while picking over on-sale green beans at the grocery store. we talked about the weather. it was nice.

tonight i am painting my toe nails, cleaning my room, and putting new knobs on my dresser.

yes. its tuesday. nothing is happening. i am putting new knobs on my dresser, i did my taxes, payed my bills, did laundry. i will probably also go on a walk, put in some more applications, and take a nap.

i wish there was more. but there is not.

tonight i have the delightful duty of watching Eli. So far he has slept the majority of our time together. cool. i'll just....wait for you to wake up Eli ;)

i am watching Titanic and reminiscing about when i first saw it, on a birthday, perhaps my fifteenth? its actually quite sad, though i remember giggling extensively when i first watched it. There are those who face death well and those who do not.

i actually have nothing to write about. just launching my feeble voice into the void.


helllllooooooooooo.

my cat is crazy


i have bought one of my tickets home-hooray!! i am really excited.

i need to make a pros and cons list for potential jobs:

Montessori after school director:

PROS:
career advancing
i would be in a supervisory position
benefits
get to wear nice clothes to work
great networking with hoity toity parents

CONS:
downtown
responsibility
potential to not be able to go home in may
40 kids
In downtown denver, long commute -possible resolved by the park and ride

Nanny:

PROS:
good money
relaxed, low key mom
guaranteed vacation in may
potential supplemental receptionist job at mr. nanny dude's office
two kids
shorter commute plus gas money
get to wear commfy clothes to work
great potential as a great job while i potentially take classes

CONS:
no benefits (but could be resolved by getting PT starbucks job)
not resume building (but potentially restorative to my frazzled over worked person)



um okay.

i had an interview and it went amazingly well. i have another interview and a follow up interview tomorrow. the major problem: only one hotttt interview outfit. hmmmm. i will have to improvise. suddenly my once incredibly empty schedule is very very full.

my activities of late (which i thoroughly enjoyed) that may confirm my (and sometimes my roommates) official spot in the world of dorkdom:

attending a university gymnastics meet- and then watching Stick It
Bible /starwars trivia game on st. patty's night, which we can't actually talk about yet because i got whooped and am still upset about it
getting excited about successfully using excel


i proudly wear my crown of geekdom with my staff of useless trivia knowledge that did not win me the Bible/ starwars trivia game. i am going to start reading the Bible again

also i dreamed of vampires again last night. it involved me becoming a vampire against my will, running away from ghouls whose entrails were leaking (quite graphically) and me, a traumatized and angry individual, trying to deal with my new reality.

i am soooooooo unemployed. i just sent out five more resumes. to entertain myself i have set out on two individual yet related projects:

1. creating a beautiful table in which i organize, categorize, and list the jobs i have applied for, dates, responses from organizations(that column is despairingly empty) etc. In fact, I believe that my table is so impressive that I should attach it along with my resume and cover letter. its a freakin' work of art.

2. writing my cover letters in different literary styles. stream of consciousness. charles dickens-esque. in couplets. compilation of haiku. capitalizing every other letter (its takes a surprisingly long time to complete this one). the list goes on. its genius really. i think everyone will appreciate my ability to think out of the box.


most of my employment seeking tasks simply remind me how freaked out i am about committing to anything long term. this seems quit paradoxical when contrasted with my over all very responsibility obsessed tendencies.

today, when driving home, it smelled like rain, which is actually quite unusual for the great CO. its either sunny or snowing here, no real in between. though i expect our summer to be fraught with thunderstorms.

last night i had a dream about vampires and tortellini. actually i was making tortellini when i realized that vampires were coming to stalk me. i ran to the door and just got it locked in time (like locks stop vampires) and then they were there. it was rather terrifying. i woke myself up. don't worry they didn't get me.


we have internet at the house.

i am in a coffee shop and i am pretty sure someone just snapped a picture of me and then ran away. this individual was lurking by my coveted desk seat in the sea of coffee shop couches and i simply assumed they were attempting to make me uncomfortable in order to steal my seat. after a few glances in their direction, i gave up my monitoring of their movements, assuming, correctly, that i am much more stubborn than they and will stay as long as needed to stake my claim on this spot. but then, in an instant, they were up close next to me, snapped a picture on their cell phone, turned and walked away quickly, making their escape before i could formulate an appropriate retaliation. um, and what would be an appropriate response, i am still unsure. what just occurred here?

i met Keirsa and Eamon for lunch on sixteenth street and caught up on all the alamosa gossip. for real, there needs to be a la puente reality show going on because this town has redefined DRAMA. there is so much to be said.

i am blogging when i need to be writing cover letters. so farewell.

yeah, and we also went to stomp! which was amazing and i decided that is what i want to do with the rest of my life. beat of pieces of trash creating incredible music for all. yes. i have also decided that in order to make this happen i am going to write mtv and apply for their show MADE (but actually i checked their website, i don't think that show anymore, i will write all the same)and have them make me into a stomp person. i could rock that out.

or i will find a pbs show to participate in.


i got a reply for a nanny job. either way, graduate school is definitely in my imminent future. i have decided. fall '09 higher levels of learning and brainwashing, here i come.

i am glad that the early twenties is supposed to feel so crazy because it does. it feels like have no anchor for my existence. but enough, i am moving forward.

i am in boulder, with Rachel. hanging out. chilling. music. its good.

so, like so many people, i really enjoy the blog 'stuff white people like' its highly entertaining. today's was titled 'hating corporations' talking about how the tendency is to hate all corporations except the ones that are trendy, like apple and target. even more entertaining because while reading the blog i am engaged in several of the other categories of things that white people like, like hanging out in a coffee shop, trying to be smart and cool. and i am eavesdropping on a conversation of a near by table of super hip boulder-ites, who are talking about how boulder is so conscious of shopping locally, etc etc, regurgitating the very things the blog satirizes. how amusing.

eric and jessa and eli are moved in, things are being re arranged and un packed still but it is lovely to wake up to other voices and to have so many lovely people around.

i am applying for more jobs, have not found any yet. i applied for an administrative assistant job at a hospital and the lady quickly sent back an email, 'is it fair to assume you meant to send your resume to someone else, or did you mean to apply for the position in my department?' um, i intended to apply for the job in your department, thats why i sent it to you? needless to say, i have not heard back from her. cool. i feel smart.

so lets all hope i will find a job.

on a happier note, i bought a gnocchi roller. yay.

there is something inherently lovely about tea. it could just be my early obsession with all things british, tea parties and the like, but i think it is also that one must take time with tea. or it feels like one must take time, slowly pouring into your 'smaller-than-your-average-coffee-mug' cup, sipping but not slurping the seasoned, steaming beverage. i am currently enjoying peppermint tea in boulder. it is 62 degrees and i am ecstatic with the warmth and sun. and i feel like i have, in this week and a half of unemployment, that i have regained, at least partially, my capacity to enjoy life.

i bought strings for my guitar, which has not had new strings since, um, i got it. and in the long process of restringing i not only broke a doo-hicky on the guitar (which i successfully re fixed with super glue) i broke one of the new strings! which was why i had to buy new ones in the first place, because i broke one of the old ones. so now i have a guitar with only five strings and if i buy new ones, i will just need one of the six strings that come in a set and will be off by one string for the rest of the life of the guitar, unless in some freak accident i break the other five and utilize all the strings in the box again. this is a tragedy.

no job but lots of hope and stalking of places i have applied.

"well," said Pooh, " We keep looking for home and not finding it, so I thought if we looked for this pit we'd be sure not to find it, which would be a good thing, because we might find something we weren't looking for, which might be just what we were looking for really." a.a.milne



I have crossed two things off my list today, which is successful only in regards to how long my list is, which i refuse to disclose. so its a good day.

yup, all giggles and grins here. i've broken out the ol' resume, dusted off the cobwebs from five months ago, made it run some laps, cut off some of the excess,and put in a few new adjectives, like audacious, meritorious, and sardonic, just to round everything out. i am paranoid about comma usage in general, i was given some thrashings in college due to misusage of this terrible and threatening form of punctuation, but if there are any issues i figure we can just step outside and work things out Tennyson style. just keeping it real, y'all.

wow, several teenagers just walked it and if i was moping about my twenties and the abyss that is this educational life stage, i am now so thankful and thrilled that i am no longer 13. if i was 13, i would like to be cool, like mattie vineyard. she bakes cakes and has pigs, some of which are named after harry potter characters.

i dropped my muffin on the floor. i didn't want it anyway.

they say the things that terrify you are the things that are worth doing. it may be true but it is also horrible. extremely horrible.

i need something right now, in this moment, to restore my faith in myself and maybe even my faith in humanity, if not my future. i am looking around for that something. ..it was going to be my muffin, but it fell. so, yup. still waiting.

haha.

i am in the mall and since panera, my internet connection location of the day, was packed i decided to wander around the mall for a bit, waiting for an outlet to open up. while wandering i got asked to do a survey, which i promptly agreed to since the survey involved cocktail sampling and six dollars. now i am sitting in panera eating the meal paid for by my survey and enjoying the buzz from my drink. i gave the drink excellent ratings but now fear i have to hang out at the mall longer because, well, i am Christa and i had one drink.

my week of unemployment has involved alternating episodes of panic and euphoria. what does one do with free time but think and what does thinking do but freak me out. i think (consequently), in the tradition of ophrah, craft time, and all things cheesy, (yet possibly effective) i am going to create a worry box into which i will drop all my worries. and then i might burn it.


or i might just keep coming back to repeatedly participate in the alcohol survey.