Work reached a new low this week....

when, to pass the time, we changed the words of the song “Sugar, Sugar” by the Archies to “Seaweed. Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum. Oh, Spirulina. Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum. You are my healthy snack and I’m lovin’ you.”


I’ve had a fascinating experience. As much as I may complain, I love the people I work with. I have had more growing and enlightening (and painful) experiences this past year and a half than I can recount. Everyone is so fiercely and apologetically themselves, from gun-touting-moon-daughter-wants-to-be-a-mermaid Troy, existentialist-astronomer-psychic Kindra, and kitty-loving-pacifist-south-park-junkie Heidi to second-mother-funniest-most-lovable-lady-I-know Marcy and horse-and-kitty-loving-disc-tossing-bad-ass-Andy-who-goes-by-Andrea-at-work-soon-to-be-my-roommate (not to mention entrepreneur-ski-and-scuba-Chinese-man-trapped-in-the-body-of-an-Irish-Catholic Paul and generous-gift-giving-bipolar-wears-lots-of-tinkling-chime-jewelry Linda). I have more stories than I can tell in my lifetime. Okay, well, give me four hours of your undivided attention and I can eloquently retell the past two years of my life, complete with dramatization and interpretive dance.

But yesterday may have taken the cake.

Last April Paul told me he wanted me to make an appointment with N. Keith Sheldonport. I had no information to go on except that Paul said it would be very beneficial and could change my life. Always game for a life changing experience, I made an appointment. The man is so freakin’ popular I made an appointment in April for his first available spot, which happened to be yesterday, August 27th. It was only when I walked into his office and he explained what he did that I realized this was not some life-coach or astronomer but a psychic. Frankly, I absolutely believe that certain people are gifted with the ability to tap into spiritual realms that may elude the common pedestrian, but never have I wanted or even contemplated seeking such a gifted individual out to lift the foggy veil of my future. So, I found myself awkwardly couched in his office, which was decorated in calming peach tones and sea shells (very myrtle beach in the 80s), contemplating if I should ride this out or escape with my Bible corroborated foundations that psychics are to be avoided. Alas, I stayed true to form and took the path of least resistance (and perhaps least character? Eh, I won’t think to hard about it. I really don’t believe my soul is in mortal danger.) and stayed put. And, honestly, I was fascinated and intrigued. I will not regale you the intimate details of my projected future (I have a freakin’ awesome one. I also was told details about my parents and brother’s projected futures. But I will not tell you, Danny, as much as you may want to know.) but to say that he knew dates, ages, people, words I have said, my beliefs about life in general, and it was mesmerizing. (Also really funny, after he would tell me something positive about my future, he would say “so, good for you.” And after something potentially trying or difficult, “so, good luck with that.” I am still processing it all and finding myself thinking of the Matrix A LOT (Do his words and how they shape my actions create the future or is the future firmly and irrevocably in place regardless of what anyone says or does? What is the time-space continuum? He talked a lot about re-incarnation, angels, and auras, most of which I am dubious about. He said my angel, and I quote, wanted him “to gentle push [me] to put [myself] out there in the dating world.” I assume, of course, this angel is my mother. He also told me the projected timeline in which I will fall in love and that I have not met the man of my dreams yet. It is encouraging to know that I will, at some point, meet this person and fall madly and devastatingly in love. I always wrote this ending for myself and have always doubted whether or not it will actually happen).

Final conclusions that I will take away from this:
1. I will forget everything he told me (to the best of my ability) except for the affirmation that I am empowered to live my life any way I want to. I can be anything and do anything. I am loved and have nothing to fear.

2. The whole experience gave me hope, which in turn made me contemplate my faith. Interesting that some vague yet concrete postulating about my future gave me so much hope for myself. I also found it affirming of my faith, to think that the spiritual world is closer and more real than we may suppose and that I can commit my future to God and no matter what happens everything will be okay (not ‘okay’ in the sense of things always going well, but ‘okay’ in the sense that God is always with us.) My hope is in God, not in the words of this man. Life is short and to be lived to the fullest and we have no way of knowing what exactly is beyond this life. I love thinking about a God and Universe that I cannot ever fully fathom. I question every now and then the influence of the new-agey culture I now find myself immersed in (I could very well be becoming a heretical, universalism moon-child), but I know that I am seeking God to the best of my ability, I am growing, and changing, and that is all I can do. My faith in the past has been very much constructed of worrying about if I am good enough, if I am doing enough, and, even more importantly, does it look like I am faithful. My motivation was less about seeking God and more about appearing to seek God. I am now trying to live honestly and fearlessly, asking my questions without concern of how it may make me look to others.

3. I know he was a real psychic because when I asked what I owed him for his time, his fee was exactly the amount of cash I had I my wallet. Well done, sir, well done.

Enough philosophical/metaphysical crap, you really must not take anything I say seriously. On to something much more revealing and entertaining.

I-pod Russian roulette. You know, where you go to i-pod shuffle and write down each song that comes up in response to the queries or statements? Highly entertaining past time.

If someone says, "Are you okay?", you say:
“Take it Down” (Wailin’ Jennys)

How would you describe yourself?
" The Evergreen” (Norfolk and Western)
love it

What do you like in a guy/girl?
“Thorn” (Bain Mattox)

How do you feel today?
Suite for solo cello no 4 in E flat major performed by Yo Yo Ma
This makes me smile

What is your life's purpose?
“The Boxer” (Simon and Garfunkel)
You have no idea…

What's your motto?
“Hold On” (Shawn McDonald)
appropriate

What do your friends think of you?
“American Woman” (Lenny Kravitz)
Ha!

What do your parents think of you?
“Selfless, Cold, and Composed” (Ben Folds)


What do you think about very often?
“Highway 61 revisted” (Bob Dylan)


What is 2 + 2?
"When in Rome " (Nickel Creek)


What do you think of your best friend?
“Here and Now” (Great Big Sea)

What is your life story?
"Walkin Down the Line” (Bob Dylan)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
“This World” (Derek Webb)


What do you think when you see the person you like?
“Just wait” (Blues Traveler)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
“Bang Bang, My Baby Shot Me Down” (Nancy Sinatra)
Hilarious!

What will they play at your funeral?
"I am a Rock” Simon and Garfunkel
Amen

What is your hobby/interest?
“ A Quarter Past Wonderful” (Oren Lavie)
It’s true

What is your biggest fear?
"Whiner’s Bio" (Mates of State)

What is your biggest secret?
"I am Aglow" (Sarah Harmer)
also true

What do you want right now?
"You’re an Angel and I’m Gonna Cry" (Chris Thile)